- Username
- ^ - ^
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Like I want to feel ok with having it but at the same time I literally feel like I would want to die if I found out I had it
Hi friend! Although I don’t share your ocd subtype, I don’t need to to recognize how you’re freaked out by something someone else wrote. Although it might feel impossible, you will need to stay away from tumblr or any place where you might seek reassurance (including NOCD). The key here is to let yourself feel unsure about everything and go live your life anyway. Slowly but surely, you’ll give yourself permission to not figure out if you have NPD. Your brain so badly wants certainty that you do or do not have NPD. My favorite quote from Abramowitz (an ocd therapist) is to not sit with uncertainty but to act with it. Go do normal life things and try with all your might to not ruminate. You are not alone. You’ve got this.
Thank you, I actually love that quote- to me acting with it makes a lot more sense than sitting with it
@Liz Lake I know this is a dead post but that quote feels like a revelation. Thanks for sharing!
If I may ask a question about your theme, how do intrusive thoughts sound for you with narcissistic theme? No need to answer <3
Hi! A lot of the time they involve me ruminating on if my thoughts or actions were morally correct / signs of narcissism, and to correct it sometimes I go out of my way to do the right thing. Basically anything I do / thought I had my brain tells me it’s for attention and for myself rather than bc I want to do it. I’ve been told I don’t have it but feel the compulsion to check a lot
@alittleshrimp If I’m out and abt I’ll usually think “maybe this person is attracted to me” constantly, and brain is telling me I want attention etc and am a narcissist
@alittleshrimp Or thoughts telling me I’m with my boyfriend as a supply and don’t care about him
@alittleshrimp Thank you! I kinda recognize myself in these thoughts that you are describing. I don’t think they are an ocd theme of mine but I think them sometimes!
@kctg Obviously I didn’t mean that I genuinely think that, but more like intrusive thoughts but not so connected to anxiety anymore if you understand lol
@kctg Yes that totally makes sense :)
Wow I really struggled with this specific theme about two years ago. I even started therapy with a new therapist asking her if she thought I had it. I would usually post on the npd reddit forums. Looking back I know that it didn't help me one bit asking strangers if they thought I had it or not. These days I can think about it like you said, that even if I did have npd it wouldn't be the end of the world. Occasionally the fear pops back up and I feel that if I knew for certain I did have it I'd want to die too. I know how real and scary it feels
I’m glad you mentioned nod Reddit forums. I’ve always been way too scared to go on them but actually browsed them as a form of exposure during therapy. It didn’t help me either unfortunately, ends up as a form of reassurance that I don’t have it. I’m glad you’re doing better dealing with it!
@alittleshrimp Npd *
@alittleshrimp Yeah I would seek reassurance on there constantly back then lmao. It has gotten better but I do still have those “oh no is that how I am?” Moments whenever I hear someone else being called a narcissist. I think it doesn’t help that it’s become a buzzword to throw around on social media these days. Either way I just wanted to let you know I’ve read your other posts on this thread and can relate to them 100%. Even though it isn’t a major theme for me right now it’s nice to know I’m not alone!
@alyrenz Yes the fact that it’s a buzzword definitely makes it difficult, especially when 99% of the same people say narcissist they’re not describing actual npd. Definitely glad to know that other people can relate (like sucks that u have to deal with it but ya know what I mean)
@alittleshrimp * 99% of the time
I can’t believe I’m reading this. I’m just learning this month (after 12 years of a GAD diagnosis) that I very likely have OCD. Anyway. This was an obsession of mine for years. I used to have full on breakdowns and would avoid friends because I was sure everyone knew I was a narcissist. I would count how many times I spoke in a conversation and mentally note what the thing I spoke about/ whether it was self-involved, then I would spiral thinking about the fact that thinking about it is more narcissistic. I don’t know how I managed to get over that one- took years and cost me a therapist who didn’t know how to keep telling me I didn’t have NPD. So many things make sense 🤯
Wow this literally feels like you’re reading my mind, everything you said is spot on. Counting how much I speak in a conversation, worrying whether it’s about myself, and then the spiral of thinking about being a narcissist and then thinking that being so focused on it is narcissistic. It’s such an endless cycle. I’m glad you were able to discover that it’s ocd, I had the same issues w therapists. If they’re not trained in ocd they end up just giving a ton of reassurance. Glad u were able to get over the theme!
Crazy to hear that someon else does the exact same things
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond