my worst nightmare

my mom has been in the hospital for almost 3 weeks. she’s had great progress but now she’s declining rapidly. today we talked about palliative care/hospice. i’ve cried today, but then most of the day i’ve felt numb too. but now i’m back home and it’s all hitting me. she’s my best friend, my rock. i don’t want to lose her. but she’s also suffering so much and i just want her to have some relief. it almost hurts more watching her suffer than i think it would to lose her. i honestly have no idea if she’s gonna make it through the night tonight. i want to sleep because im beyond exhausted but im not sure if i can. this all feels like a bad dream. i don’t even know how to cope or process. nothing feels real. and i’m really struggling with disassociation. i don’t even know what to do.

Username: Court Court

Date posted: 2y ago

I'm really sorry. My parents are in bad health and its the worst feeling ever although I feel, or hope they will still be around for some time. I don't really know how one copes with something like this but you are trying to by even writing on this board. Just know you are not alone.

Username: YoCDYoCD

Date posted: 2y ago

Let’s pray. Father we thank you for the love you’ve brought into this family. I pray that you would comfort my OCD friend and give her rest. I pray Father that you would comfort her mother and, if you will, heal her of her infirmity. I pray this in Jesus name Amen. Take care friend.

Username: Paola2Paola2

Date posted: 2y ago

I had a similar experience and every day in the hospital was horrible, I had a heavy feeling every single day that came from the fear and the heavy "energy" (in a psychological, not mystical sense) of the hospital environment. I understand very much what you are going through, and I wish I could tell you something to resolve your situation, but the only thing you can do is think about yourself a little so that you can rest and recover to be strong in this situation. What I did was distract myself a little so I wouldn't go crazy. I hope all is well and that you can sleep and get some rest.

Username: vgbvgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

When my mom was very sick I walked a lot. She did pass away and it was so hard. I still miss her everyday. Hang in there. Life has sadness and happiness. We have no control. I hope she recovers. I hope you are easy on yourself. Take care

Username: alwaysobsessingalwaysobsessing

Date posted: 2y ago

thank you for all of your kind words. she made it through the night but she’s still miserable so they’re moving her to pallitve care which basically keeping her comfortable. is it awful that im dreading going back to the hospital to watch her suffer more. and this is also kind of morbid but i don’t think i can handle being in the room with her when/if she passes. i just know how traumatic that would be for me. but that’s so selfish of me and i feel like i want to be one of the last people she sees. idk i guess we’ll see how it plays out. i just know i was in the room when an older family friend passed away and i could barely handle that i had to walk out i felt like i was gonna pass out. so i can’t imagine how it would be with my own mom.

Username: vgbvgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I get it 100 percent. The night before my mom died I sat with her and before I left I whispered in her ear. I love you. I wanted to go back and see her again that night but I passed out. When I went the next day she was gone. I think she did not want me to see her go. I felt bad that I wasn’t with her in case she needed me but I too think it would have been so hard. Don’t know how I would’ve taken it. Just be there when u can and tell her how much u love her. It’s all out of your hands. God has a plan and you may or may not be present when she passes so do not worry about that. Weird as it is enjoy her presence even if it is hard. Once she’s gone none of it will matter except that you loved her and she will always be w u

Username: getwellsoon

Date posted: 4y ago

nervous and anxious for tomorrow. still trying to sit with the uncertainty. my brain is telling me terrible things and i’m scared so scared of losing my person. also everyone is tired of me. my sister yelled at me and basically i’m told me i’m too much for to handle and i understand she’s younger than me yet the only one i can talk to freely. she blames this all on me and so do they and i don’t even know what to believe anymore. even when i try its like things go wrong. i just want to feel close to myself again ): i want to feel like i have control over my mind. i don’t want to feel like i’m at risk at losing everything just because these stupid thoughts jump into my head and torture the hell out of me. i was trying to be stronger but at this point i think i’m losing my strength and there’s no purpose. and tomorrow’s another day. i wish i could just sleep for the rest of my life.

Username: alwaysobsessing

Date posted: 2y ago

grief

possibly trigger warning i lost my mom on wednesday. i don’t think i’ve showered in like a week because things have been so stressful. i finally have time to shower today but it seems so hard. like once i shower i’ve washed off the hug and forehead kisses she gave me before she passed. part of me knows that that’s not really true though. i’ll always have those memories, but it’s just where my brain is at right now. is this normal with grief? i feel so gross and i really would like to shower because showers make me feel better but im so scared to wash off the little bit i have left of her.

Username: GregJ

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w ago

Losing Parent while in your 20’s

Has anyone dealt with losing a parent while in your 20’s? 2 months ago was the worst day of my life. My mom had been battling an incurable brain cancer for 2 years. Her condition got really bad a little more than 2 months ago. She declined quickly and two months ago today, I watched her be unconsciously carried out on a stretcher out of my house and then a few hours later pass away. It has hit me hard and I still get these bad memory flashbacks of all the bad things I experienced. Has anyone dealt with this? I feel so alone and I don’t like to ask for help. It’s been 2 months and no one really checks on me. I’m trying to keep it together but some days it’s just so hard.

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