Feel rejected and ugly 😞

Can having socd make you lose attraction. I have never be the girl to obsess or chase after boys does that mean I’m gay. I had crushes on them but I would rather die then have them know I like them. Plus I knew they were out of my league so even if they did like me I feel like I would say no for some reason. I have been single all my life and thinking of being in a relationship feels so weird and scary and foreign. Like I feel like I won’t be in a relationship. I won’t look good with anyone or I will feel like an imposter. Idk how to explain it. I want to feel love but all this is making me feel like I never will.

my grades are super bad, my ex moved on, i have no real friends at all, and i feel empty inside. i feel nothing but i feel so many emotions at the same time. i wish i would’ve done better in life. i push people away but then complain about being lonely. me and my ex broke up 8 months ago and i still can’t get over him. he got a girlfriend a week after our breakup and it makes me think about so many things. i’ve talked to guys after that but none of them are the same, i got this feeling with him i got with nobody else and it hurts to know i won’t ever get it back. i feel like im not good or pretty enough for anyone. i feel to difficult for a relationship and to tired. i compare myself to his new girlfriend all the time and i can’t stop. why can’t i be as pretty as her? what was so wrong with me that we had to stop talking? we talk every month as friends but it lasts an hour. my heart craves his love again but i know i won’t ever get him back. i remember this one time i tried cutting off all contact with him because of his girlfriend. when i did, he said he didn’t wanna fully let me go because im a good friend to keep around and he knows ill always be there. i don’t know if he still means that because it’s been months but he still texts me first sometimes. i know i need to let go but im stuck in life and i just need him to help me like he always would. but i cant get his help so i feel stuck and confused and sad and empty.

I just got broken up with 13 days ago after 5 months super unexpectedly for no reason other then he needs to work on himself. That night i was really alone because my parents told me he was a good influence on me and my friends weren’t so i had no one. I added this guy on Snapchat that same night and we’ve texted and called every night since. We met 3 days ago and it went really good. We were both nervous but both talked about the next one and how we both had fun. Last night he went to bed without even a goodnight or any talking that whole day but apologized and said goodmorning this morning. Then tonight he randomly sends a paragraph saying he doesn’t think it’s going to work. When i asked why he said “Idk our personalities are just a bit different and idk if I’m really ready to be in a relationship”. It makes sense i guess but I’m really struggling with the fact that my last relationship said that exact same thing and i can’t help but think there has to be something wrong with me. I never cheated or did anything that could’ve upset either of them. I’m 17 and i really feel like i should just stop trying for a relationship but no one is giving me any kind of advice so I’ve just been over thinking all of it. Any past relationship I’ve gotten over by meeting someone new but I don’t know how to “work on myself”. I really think I have a fear of being alone. Please help!