Gaslighting

I have a family member who has a mental health degree but seems to use their knowledge to label all of our relatives as narcissistic or as having other negative psychological traits. This usually happens whenever someone disagrees with her. Recently, she told me that if I feel guilty about a recent argument we had, it's not her problem that I haven't appropriately dealt with my OCD. I feel like this was a strategy to get under my skin and to use my OCD against me, because this relative knows how important my recovery has been to me. Has anyone else here experienced this type of gaslighting (disregarding your feelings or opinions based in your OCD) & how have you handled it, whilst maintaining fidelity to ERP?

Username: LydiaKLydiaK

Date posted: 2y ago

If it's exactly as you say, sounds like this person has really low empathy, something which is extremely important if you want to work on mental health. Empathy makes you see different perspectives and act appropriately depending on the context of every discussion.Next time they decide to gaslight you, tell them that they should really work on seeing different perspectives because with the level of empathy they currently have, they won't go that far in this line of work. Afterwards, end the discussion and if they insist on talking to you, tell them that's It's your right to end a discussion, that's it's not your problem that they got hurt over advice and that they really should learn how to accept criticism instead of simply giving it.

Username: FJustRightOCDFJustRightOCD

Date posted: 2y ago

^this exactly

Username: SaraaSaraa

Date posted: 2y ago

I'm in a similar situation, not the same because my family member doesn't have a degree in psychology, but she keeps doing the victim and gaslight me and my dad. I get very hangry every time. Than i used to dissociate myself. Now i learned the most important things: We do not have to fear emotions, we simply need to feel them. Don't fight them, nor accepting them as a confirmation of something else. Simply feel them! Triggers are by our side, not against us! A trigger is like a target that shows you where to work to keep grow and healing! So when you find something that triggers you; it is actyally a very positive thing, it's like free erp! So my tip is to not get mad at yourself for being triggered by your parents; but simply acknowledge your emotions and sit with your frustration, your anger etc!

Username: FJustRightOCDFJustRightOCD

Date posted: 2y ago

I have had very close to the same exact situation with a loved one who is in the field of mental health, and their actions seem to come from their own insecurity/jealousy, and they use their degree and age etc, an emotional weapon against me. Eventually they cut me off, after I literally did nothing wrong, to prove some sort of point, and even though I love them and miss the person I love, the distance has been an important aspect of my healing journey. And I’m able to start accepting that I will never be able to convince them otherwise about how wrong they are about me. Unless they do the work on themselves, they will always find the problem in me. And I’ve given up and surrendered on trying to explain myself to them because of this acceptance. It’s taken a long while though for me to get to this point, and I still struggle with it when I ruminate on the situation for too long.

Username: FJustRightOCDFJustRightOCD

Date posted: 2y ago

Also, in general, I feel that a lot of people who disagree with me now just dump everything I say into the box if “oh it’s just her OCD” and it’s like no! I have OCD but that doesn’t mean i don’t also have my own core values and beliefs outside of it. It’s so frustrating and stressful. It nearly makes me want to bang my head into a wall. We need to work on distancing ourselves from this/accepting they are the way they are, bc trying to convince folks only makes things harder for us. Will our these people come around eventually? Maybe. But we aren’t the ones who can change their stance on us overnight, esp if they themselves are the ones who aren’t working on themselves

Username: LydiaKLydiaK

Date posted: 2y ago

Honestly, that sounds awful. They basically treat you as if you are stupid just because you are mentally ill. I hope you'll get to live in a better environment and meet better people in the future. While I can't exactly hate people for not understanding, i believe it's our right to speak up when they apply their personal beliefs about something WE go through, not them. While not everyone has the ability to be exceptionally empathetic, it's still their choice to try to understand on a deeper level someone or to just dismiss them as nothing more than the pitiful little image they created in their head.Well, at the end of the day, anger will only make the person feeling it miserable, so it's not worth it.

Username: FJustRightOCDFJustRightOCD

Date posted: 2y ago

ERP has helped me somewhat with not trying to get to bottom of things/solve issues perfectly

Username: Maybe,MaybeNotMaybe,MaybeNot

Date posted: 2y ago

I am a therapist and my best friend was a therapist and she used to do the same shit to me all the time. There was never any room for discussion for my opinion. She was always right. Eventually I just cut her out of my life.

Username: jonestex50jonestex50

Date posted: 2y ago

Yes

Username: lou47

Date posted: 5y ago

Hello there. I haven't been on here for a while as I have been free from my ocd. However the last few weeks I have had it creeping back. A person who I thought was a friend turned out to be absolutely vile and has preyed on my ocd to try and make me ill again. She has told friends about my ocd who never knew about it....fortunately these friends have looked it up and completely understand. My ocd wont however let me stop thinking about what she said to my friend and I am obsessing about this horrible vile person and what she has said to others who dknt know me that well. It is bringing my 'p' ocd to the forefront of my mind again. I know it is my thought processes but throughout my life I have always worried what others think about me and this person knew that. She has lied and lied and has said I am this terrible person with a black heart. I know I am certainly not but I still cant stop worrying what she has said to someone who hardly knows me. I know this shouldn't bother me but it does. Is this my ocd working overtime? She said that people laugh at me and call me loopy louise which I know they dont but I really dont caring they do because I laugh at it to. But because I had the very disturbing paedophile thoughts she said to someone that I think I am a peado. This friend told me straight away and has since fallen out with this awful person. But I cant stop thinking about this constantly and what others might think who dont really know. This person I have since found out after 25 years of knowing of her has actually been a terrible person to her children when they were growing up and stole thousands of pounds off of vulnerable people. I dont know why this is bothering me as all of my friends who care about me know about my ocd and understand. I just cant seem to get this horrible person out of my mind. It didnt bother me until she tried to bully me and then sent all of the texts I sent her years ago when I divorced my husband. He told me he knew she was nuts but it bothered me when he said she said some disgusting and vile things about me. This has so upset me. Just wondered if anyone can give me any advice . Btw my ex lived with my ocd for years! Thanks for listening. Just need some support from others with this horrible disorder. Xx

Username: bdk

Date posted: 3y ago

Anyone wanna help me with a little fact-checking? I had a horrible appointment with my family doctor today. She basically told me that my anxiety around my relationship and sex was not OCD, but a cry for help because I’m not in the right relationship. She said these things to me AFTER telling me she doesn’t know much about OCD and AFTER I told her I loved my fiancé and did not want to leave him. She pressured me to leave him to “find myself.” Honestly, she sounded like OCD personified. She also said that OCD is not an external force working against me, but a manifestation of thoughts and feelings I already have. Basically she said OCD is a way for me to express what I’m scared of feeling and that it’s a way to help me realize what I really feel. She said OCD doesn’t work against me from an external perspective, that it doesn’t “happen” to me and affect the way I feel and respond, but that it just brings those things to light. She said all that to say that my anxiety about my relationship with my fiancé and anxiety around my sexual orientation isn’t OCD, just anxiety because I’m in the wrong relationship and need to leave him. Any thoughts? The conversation truly sent me spiraling, and I will not be going back to her.

Username: anonnnnn

Date posted: 2y ago

Toxic responses to anxiety/OCD

I don’t really talk about my mental health with my family because they make me feel like shit. Sometimes when I have anxiety attacks at home they accuse me of wanting to be sick. For example, I get really anxious about having a heart attack and then they interrogate me and say that I want it to happen even though I don’t. Is this a toxic response? They get mad whenever I’m anxious and I’ve told them this and they say that I’m selfish. Also when I had schiz OCD they said I wanted to go crazy.

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Gaslighting

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