No confidence

Everyone is frustrating me at work and I’m about to crash out😭!! Maybe it’s how I grew up and have been gaslit a lot but does anyone ever feel like whatever they do they are in the “wrong?” I don’t know …my coworker made me feel like that. What’s wrong to her might not be wrong to me and vise versa. I just wanna scream and throw hands lol. I don’t know if anyone else feels like this. And they wanna have this conversation in front of customers and then I look like the “bad guy” 🙄. So over it. Workplace is toxic asf and I’m trying to find a new job but it seems impossible these days . I feel like I’m not the best at conversations on the spot. That’s why I keep quiet so ion look dumb, but both coworkers came up to me and approach me. I feel like I try and smile and nobody really smiles back. Or when I say thank you and go to places like ulta, all the girls are bitchy. It makes me think am I not smiling enough? Am I doing something wrong? Etc. Maybe it just the people I’m around . I just feel nothing but anger and I’m trying to calm down but I really just wanna go off

Does anyone have OCD regarding always feeling like you are not good enough at your job? I'm 58 years old now I've had OCD since childhood. Every job I've been at I never felt as good as my colleagues. I am a nurse but I worked at that for 15 years I had a breakdown of sorts in 2017 and went on disability. I now work part time as a a swim instructor for kids. I always was afraid of killing someone when I was a nurse. Then I tried dog grooming but I was afraid I would do it wrong and hurt the dogs. At least now the stakes are lower. But my OCD is the same. I work with colleagues who are about 40 years younger than I am . I am afraid of teaching certain classes bc I feel like I wouldn't do as good a job as someone else. I know I can do it but it's like I have a fear of not giving them their money's worth. I've been at my current job for 2 years . I've gotten very positive comments from my managers but I can't seem to believe them. I feel a lot of shame bc I lost a lot of my life to OCD and I am at an age where people are starting to retire after long and successful careers and here I am working at an entry level job. I'm planning on trying to get out of my comfort zone and teaching some of the classes I'm afraid of .it's really hard. I'm always scared what if I lose my benefits and had to work again as a nurse how would I do it.

I feel like I can’t explain anything to anyone and feel so dumb. I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth doesn’t make sense sometimes. I tried explaining what a vendor was about and couldn’t explain it and fear that I could get fired or won’t be able to move up because of this. I can’t explain things and hate explaining things. I don’t know how to get better and don’t know how to not feel stupid and feel like I have a purpose in this world. I feel like I don’t provide value for my job or at least my new manager who just got hired doesn’t see it and won’t because she’s really tough and doesn’t understand. She’s too blunt and very rude sometimes. I also feel so anxious 24/7. I feel like I need to workout but don’t have the motivation to and just want to be in my bed because I’m exhausted after work and during the weekend. Boredom sucks too. I wish I had someone who could be there for me wish I had a significant other. I don’t like exposure therapy and it’s not working at all. I tried it for a while. Same with Acceptance Respond Therapy.