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- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes, especially because I am having the best things happen to me right now. What I’d give to fully enjoy these moments.
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- 3y
you’re definitely right. i also miss the life i had before OCD. I swear i was at my happiest. It’s just sad that we cannot get that life back. We just have to live with this one
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- 3y
It’s awful. I hope all of us struggling with this can eventually get our freedom from OCD and feel that true happiness again
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- 3y
I just hope I can get my life back I miss the old me. I didn’t realize how good I had it before this.
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- 3y
I feel the exact same way :( it’s so hard. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this too
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- 3y
I miss the life and the mind I had back then more than anything, and I think about it all the time.
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- 3y
Same :( it’s so hard sometimes looking back on pictures of myself before OCD and just remembering how truly happy I was. It’s like mourning in a way. All we can do is look forward and have hope that we will be able to look back on this time as just a memory.
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- 3y
@Anonymous I know it’s like looking at a completely different person. It does feel like memories are all I have left of that person I was.
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- 3y
I feel this.. sometimes when memories pop up or I look at old pictures I'm like... wow I would love to be that happy again.. what happened to me. I feel like I don't even know the person I see in this photos anymore.
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- 3y
Me too and I curse myself cause why did this have to happen to me again after 2 whole years of being free it returns again
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- 3y
It’s like looking back and seeing a different person. I feel like a shell of who I was sometimes and I hate it so much
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- 3y
@jackie3! It sucks! I had a year break and it feels like this time it came back with vengeance
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- 3y
I relate to this 💯 God I was such a fool complaining about those little nuisances if only I'd known months later that I'd be suffering from this shit again after 2 years of being free
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- 3y
Definitely feel the same. Like complaining over how stressful and draining my job was at the time lmao I’d give ANYTHING for that to be my only struggle
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- 3y
I feel this ALL the time
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
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- 3y
I feel that pain sometimes too, but what helps me so much is knowing that you CAN recover from OCD and you can learn to tolerate the fear and uncertainty until it no longer consumes you! Just keep up with the ERP! Even in my hard moments, I think about where I was before, before I even knew I had OCD and I can see how much better it is already, even if I'm not quite where I wan't to be, it's work keeping up with the ERP. You got this, you are so much stronger than you even know!
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- 3y
Thank you. Definitely needed to hear that. It can feel so defeating at times. I just hope I can find that true happiness again.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I feel like I’ll never lead a normal life again with OCD, my thoughts have begun to be convince especially about POCD. I feel like so sad and down that this will be my life forever. I’ll never get to fall in love again without intrusive thoughts. I’ll never be worth falling in love with. I can never be intimate again. I’m just done, my life is over. I can’t even look at my nephew and niece anymore without the smile fading. It feels like I’m so nasty and then my brain convinces me this is how I feel. That there’s some part of me that is a p*do and that’s it. I’m a disgusting human being for that. I just feel hopeless
- Date posted
- 19w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
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