- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes, especially because I am having the best things happen to me right now. What I’d give to fully enjoy these moments.
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- 3y
you’re definitely right. i also miss the life i had before OCD. I swear i was at my happiest. It’s just sad that we cannot get that life back. We just have to live with this one
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- 3y
It’s awful. I hope all of us struggling with this can eventually get our freedom from OCD and feel that true happiness again
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- 3y
I just hope I can get my life back I miss the old me. I didn’t realize how good I had it before this.
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- 3y
I feel the exact same way :( it’s so hard. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this too
- Date posted
- 3y
I miss the life and the mind I had back then more than anything, and I think about it all the time.
- Date posted
- 3y
Same :( it’s so hard sometimes looking back on pictures of myself before OCD and just remembering how truly happy I was. It’s like mourning in a way. All we can do is look forward and have hope that we will be able to look back on this time as just a memory.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I know it’s like looking at a completely different person. It does feel like memories are all I have left of that person I was.
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel this.. sometimes when memories pop up or I look at old pictures I'm like... wow I would love to be that happy again.. what happened to me. I feel like I don't even know the person I see in this photos anymore.
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- 3y
Me too and I curse myself cause why did this have to happen to me again after 2 whole years of being free it returns again
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- 3y
It’s like looking back and seeing a different person. I feel like a shell of who I was sometimes and I hate it so much
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- 3y
@jackie3! It sucks! I had a year break and it feels like this time it came back with vengeance
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- 3y
I relate to this 💯 God I was such a fool complaining about those little nuisances if only I'd known months later that I'd be suffering from this shit again after 2 years of being free
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- 3y
Definitely feel the same. Like complaining over how stressful and draining my job was at the time lmao I’d give ANYTHING for that to be my only struggle
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- 3y
I feel this ALL the time
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel that pain sometimes too, but what helps me so much is knowing that you CAN recover from OCD and you can learn to tolerate the fear and uncertainty until it no longer consumes you! Just keep up with the ERP! Even in my hard moments, I think about where I was before, before I even knew I had OCD and I can see how much better it is already, even if I'm not quite where I wan't to be, it's work keeping up with the ERP. You got this, you are so much stronger than you even know!
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you. Definitely needed to hear that. It can feel so defeating at times. I just hope I can find that true happiness again.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.
- Date posted
- 21w
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
- Date posted
- 18w
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
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