Real-Event OCD + Cancel Culture

This is mostly a rant, but I feel as if “Cancel Culture” has caused a significant rise in people dealing with the Real-Event subtype. Never before did I think much about my past mistakes, when I looked back on them I felt content in saying, “I’ve learned, I was a kid, I’ve changed, and I’m moving on.” But with the rise of cancel culture in online spaces in recent years, it feels harder and harder to treat my past mistakes with grace. I don’t look at who I used to be and see a kid who was still learning about the world and figuring things out through trial and error, but instead some horrible monster who I have to make sure I hide from any public eye lest I be insulted/ridiculed/ostracized for actions committed over 10 years ago. It’s caused me unmatched levels of guilt and shame, for the past two years I’ve spent every day haunted by things I would’ve ordinarily just written off as a dumb 15 year old being a dumb 15 year old. I gave up pursuing my dream job because I couldn’t stand the idea of becoming well-known and having my past brought up on a public forum, and I now live the most mediocre, devoid of passion, boring life. When does this cycle end? When does this perpetual regret and guilt leave? How am I supposed to live in the present if I spend so much time fearing being dragged into my past- so much so that I now live in my past? If these mistakes were to be put on display, would people forgive me? Would I be deplatformed for good? Would I lose my life more than I already have?

Nameless000

110d ago

i have these exact fear. I don't want to be relevant. I think im going to have a quiet life

Anonymous

110d ago

I have thought about taking on a public position but my OCD has made me go down the rabbit hole of all the mistakes I’ve made; fearing they would come to light. And everyone would see me as I see myself (sometimes)…as a terrible person. I’ve told my family about this and they try their best to understand it. Living in the past is stealing our present and we need to fix that to live a fulfilled life. I hope you’ve reached out to a professional. I start this week.

minutebyminute

110d ago

I agree that the idea of having everyone find out about events in my past and not having forgiveness/losing my career is terrifying and really gets me worrying about the past. I never even did anything THAT bad as a teenager/young adult but the fear is still there.