Beloved

Just feeling down. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and sad about trauma I went through, also about mistakes I’ve made. I just feel so sad and I want to cry. I just want to talk to God so bad.. or my younger self. I have so many questions:( .. I don’t want to victimize myself, but it hurts. Nobody talks about how gross and disgusting you feel after going through seggsual trauma as a kid, and how it messes up your brain sortve .. I will make something of myself no matter what. I think I will just light some sage and rest.. this isn’t the end. I love this world, it’s such a blessing to be here. No matter the good or bad.. I just need to keep that in mind

So I’m not sure how many/if any of you are Christians, but I’m assuming this can still make sense to some of you. This morning has been rough. I’m constantly thinking, “am I saved? Have I never been saved and I’m tricking myself into thinking I am? When I’m listening to Christian music am I doing for the right reasons? Is it too late for me?”. Things I know the truthful answers to but yet I still think these thoughts. I don’t understand why. Why do I constantly think about these “what if”’s? My heart always feels so heavy and I feel as if I need to talk to God right then and there to make it stop and go away. But then am I talking to the Lord for the wrong reasons? And the cycle repeats. Thankfully, day one of my therapy is tonight and I’m hoping to find at least a little clarity on this stuff. I’ve had OCD for 7 years and I don’t even know how it works. Any advice?

Hey everyone, I need help. I woke up just now with the worst thoughts ever. Thoughts that GOD leaving me, thoughts that I like the bad guy, and thoughts that are worse than anything that I have ever thought of before. I realize that I am asking for reassurance, but I am so scared that I mean these thoughts and I just want GOD to keep me and my family safe and know that I don’t mean these thoughts… please help