Hi today I started ERP on my own I have hocd and I did an exposure when I went to a lesbian forum and wrote a comment to a girl but now I’m convinced I’m actually a lesbian… and It feels wrong to be with my partner. Did I do it wrong ? Cause it looks like I just made it worse or is it bc I didn’t do any compulsion that I’m feeling this way ( at least I think so) ?
Hey, that’s awesome that your doing the erp! Your just questioning it because of the ocd. Don’t look for reassurance, even though I know we all do it it’s part of the disorder. Just keep doing the erp and let yourself feel whatever discomfort you feel. You will get better at it and the anxiety will subside over time. The only way to get better is to keep doing it! Good luck! Also I am actually a lesbian lol So if there’s any way I can help you let me know. I know what it means to have people help when they don’t have to. My ocd is about death and I called a bunch of funeral homes to ask for a tour 😂 one responded and let me look around at the caskets and answered any questions I had, it’s always nice to have support
Ohh yes we talk before I think haha ! Sure thank you very much that’s really nice :) is it normal that I believe the thoughts and I’m really am thinking I might be lesbian ( no offence ofc) ? Will it always stay like that or with ERP it would get better ? Thanks you
Oh ok cool! Lol Of course happy to help if I can! Yes that’s completely normal. The ocd is basically a wrong way of thinking so it tricks our brains into believing the messages it says to us, rather than filter them out like a non ocd brain will do. And the more attention we give it, the more it consumes us, so we must practice every day on self therapy and mental exercises to keep it under control and it actually changes our brain chemistry the more we practice the correct way of thinking. Yes, I believe the ERP will help, it definitely helped me/ but the thing to remember is, we need more than exercises of exposing ourselves to our fears in order to fully heal and learn new ways of thinking. I do mental exercises every day whenever my thoughts come up, to help me work through, and it’s helped me so much, I also take medication which helps me a lot which everyone is different some need it some don’t or choose not to use it. It takes a lot of hard work but if you keep up with everything the results will be great. And it’s ok to have worse or better days than others, nothing is ever perfect as long as you always bring yourself back on track that la what counts. So for example, every day I have intrusive thoughts about death so I do the four steps, relabel- it’s just an obsession- reattribute- I’m experiencing this discomfort and it keeps returning because I have a chemical in balance in my brain- a medical condition- refocus- let the thought sit there don’t fight it and go do something productive or that I enjoy and this all sums up Revalue that it’s just my ocd it’s not me- it’s what I use from the book Brian lock
Wow thanks that help a lot… where can I found this book ?
@melissaaa I’m glad, Amazon!
@Anonymous I was wondering do you have Instagram or Snapchat I really need to talk to sm right now. It’s so hard. Today I had a thought saying you are a boy and now I believe I am. I got so terrified when I got the thought so terrified I try to let it pass but I might have done a compulsion by mistake. I’m so scared. I’m paralysed. And scared as hell. I never felt so scared in my entire life
@melissaaa Hey, yes Lisa Marchese is my Instagram pic of littlespring water fall , I’m sorry your feeling like that, I’m working through mine as well it spiked this afternoon too, you can request me in Instagram
@Anonymous Hi sorry I didn’t find you there is mine : m__mellissa
@Anonymous Hope you feels better
Brain not Brian lol
I’m feeling a lot distress
what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.
I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?
I already wrote about this and you really helped me, but now I wondered?! During the erp, I look at a picture of that person with some grimaces that the brain sexualizes, otherwise I have incest ocd! The person is of my gender, I'm not gay otherwise. And then, based on those facial expressions, the brain creates sexual images in my head, which I often feel as sexual and mental arousel. It is enough to see the picture or hear the voice of that person! Based on the pictures it gives me the idea of sexually touching myself on it and climaxing while watching. I feel an urge (I tried something like that a few times ago and now I'm afraid of it), and then the exercise is over, but I stay until I get the answer I want and the feelings that would calm me down, but that happens less and less... Have you had any experience, and is it a compulsion? how can I stay after exercise with that feeling of reality.. Thank you in advance❤️
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