I stoped most of my compulsions. The anxiety has reduced but I don’t like that I’m not trying to figure it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something that is risky. I feel like I’m playing with my fate.

Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. That’s life in a nutshell—if you’re one to believe in fate.

No like afterlife life. I don’t believe in it but like still. My ocd is like maybe there is one

Often people with OCD will say that if they stop paying attention or engaging with their thoughts or compulsions they feel like it is irresponsible or that something may get "missed". I think this may be what you are saying? Are you doing ERP with a specialist? They can help you to identify the best ERP exercises to address this.