- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Sounds like your mother has a lot of pain inside, but do not let yourself absorb it. It’s not your pain! When my mother acts like yours (much too frequently tbh) I imagine a warm golden light surrounding me like a bubble. Mentally, it quiets my OCD. Not sure if it would help you, but I want you to know you are your OWN person. You are loved, brave, and allowed to wear what makes YOU feel like YOU❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I not to react too much but she always manages to push my buttons and literally stepping over my boundaries. Once she told me to never ask for her opinion over anything again i just told "Okay, sure" but this only just made her angrier.
- Date posted
- 3y
@LydiaK *try
- Date posted
- 3y
@LydiaK Sounds like she wants to keep control over you, and not having it drives her up the wall. It also sounds like she sees you as an extension of her own self, which is incredibly unhealthy and stems from HER issues, not YOU. I do a similar thing, called grey rocking. No emotion, no reaction, just a monotone “okay.” It will send someone who craves control into a tailspin.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cannitbe It also seems like the only logical way to react when someone refuses to understand a different point of view. She has a way of twisting the meaning of my words that ends up making me question my own sanity. Since I'm already an overthinker this makes me analyze the conversation even more and i end up feeling confused about where i stand as a person. My ocd ends up also going like "What if you were wrong and you are just too delusional to see it?"
- Date posted
- 3y
Your Mom has unresolved issues. You didn’t cause them. It helps if you can try to understand that her actions are a result of things that may have happened while she was growing up. It doesn’t excuse her behaviour but it makes it easier to deal with. I had similar issues with my Mom and I learned to remind myself that her emotions and thoughts are not my responsibility. Sometimes we need to look at things from a different perspective. Decide if the dress is what you really want to wear and if the consequences of your Mom’s behaviour are worth it. Don’t sell yourself short, trust your judgment but at times, the battle isn’t worth it. It doesn’t mean you’ve given in. It means you’ve weighed the situation and decided on it for yourself, by yourself. If you really want the dress, tell Mom you’re sorry she feels that way but you’ve made your decision and it’s the right one for you. It’s a really hard situation and I hope you can find a solution that you’re ok with.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for your advice. I'm working on reacting in a more calm manner to situations like this, although it is rather hard considering i suffer from emotional dysregulation(I'm rather reactive). It's true that something in me told me that i shouldn't give in to her when it comes to things i want for myself and that's it's unfair she tries to force her opinion on me when i avoid doing it to others and her, but now that i think about it, the dress wasn't worth this fight. During my emotional state I didn't consider "giving in" in such a light as the way you described it and now that i see it i understand.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Got in a huge argument with my family and it had to do with my ocd (contamination ocd) and they told me they’d wish I was normal. How long do I have to fight this.
- Date posted
- 13w
Early this morning, my mom and I had a really, really long discussion. We talked about a lot, but it eventually led to me. She said that because of her past relationships, which she feels like involved some sort of power struggle, sometimes if I hug her too often, she gets uncomfortable/anxious. For context, before my parents (mom or dad) go anywhere, I'll say goodbye, I love you, and give them a quick hug or two. Even if I'm just going upstairs or walking away from a conversation! I've done this since I was little. It might've been a compulsion back then, but it's just habit now. But a couple of months ago, when I was in a really dark place due to OCD, I'd give my mom really long hugs because I just wanted comfort during that point in time. Unfortunately, it ended up stressing my mom out, and she pushed me away once and said it was weird or uncomfortable when I hugged her because it didn't feel genuine. That really hurt to be rejected like that, and then later, my sister told me my mom complained about me in the car about how it felt like I was draining the energy from her and annoying. Which... That hurt, too. But I mainly felt guilt because that wasn't my intention at all, and I've since tried my best not to hug her as often. So when she brought it up again today, she said she feels like she's experiencing a power struggle with me and that when I was younger, she said she felt like everything had to be on my terms. The context behind that is due to me being a really anxious child (and baby). I'd wake her up because I'd get really bad anxiety at night and panic, and she said it was really exhausting and that she's never known what to do with me. Then she went on to tell me really private details about my father and hers marriage (they've been divorced since I was little), and how that's affected her, and I just felt really uncomfortable. Like I want to be respect her boundaries, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable, but... I don't know what to do with all of this...? I didn't need to know those details about her and my father, and I feel really disgusting inside. And also guilty because my dad doesn't know that I know any of these things now, and I'm overwhelmed. I talked to my dad and his girlfriend about it, and I just started crying. I just feel so... Ugh :( They both comforted me, and my dad said that my mom's always struggled with physical affection and that I shouldn't take it personally. But it hurts to be rejected by a parent like that. I've tried the best I can to be understanding and supportive with her, but it just felt like she's seen me as a burden or something unfixable. If you read this far, thank you so much. I'm just really struggling to process this. I felt better after talking with my dad, but once he went to bed and I went back to my room, I just broke down.
- Date posted
- 12w
Today is Easter and it was supposed to be low key for me and my family but my mom invited a family member that bothers my ocd alot and now they are on their way here and I'm freaking out I already had a panic attack (still having it) and my family is not helping either they keep making comments about how they just want one holiday with no problems and some other comments and it's like I'm sorry I'm not normal like my siblings I didn't ask to be like this now I'm just hurt, upset and I locked myself in my room for the rest of day. (And I was doing so good with erp and this is like making me have a ocd relapse)
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