I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Sounds like your mother has a lot of pain inside, but do not let yourself absorb it. It’s not your pain! When my mother acts like yours (much too frequently tbh) I imagine a warm golden light surrounding me like a bubble. Mentally, it quiets my OCD. Not sure if it would help you, but I want you to know you are your OWN person. You are loved, brave, and allowed to wear what makes YOU feel like YOU❤️
I not to react too much but she always manages to push my buttons and literally stepping over my boundaries. Once she told me to never ask for her opinion over anything again i just told "Okay, sure" but this only just made her angrier.
@LydiaK Sounds like she wants to keep control over you, and not having it drives her up the wall. It also sounds like she sees you as an extension of her own self, which is incredibly unhealthy and stems from HER issues, not YOU. I do a similar thing, called grey rocking. No emotion, no reaction, just a monotone “okay.” It will send someone who craves control into a tailspin.
@cannitbe It also seems like the only logical way to react when someone refuses to understand a different point of view. She has a way of twisting the meaning of my words that ends up making me question my own sanity. Since I'm already an overthinker this makes me analyze the conversation even more and i end up feeling confused about where i stand as a person. My ocd ends up also going like "What if you were wrong and you are just too delusional to see it?"
Your Mom has unresolved issues. You didn’t cause them. It helps if you can try to understand that her actions are a result of things that may have happened while she was growing up. It doesn’t excuse her behaviour but it makes it easier to deal with. I had similar issues with my Mom and I learned to remind myself that her emotions and thoughts are not my responsibility. Sometimes we need to look at things from a different perspective. Decide if the dress is what you really want to wear and if the consequences of your Mom’s behaviour are worth it. Don’t sell yourself short, trust your judgment but at times, the battle isn’t worth it. It doesn’t mean you’ve given in. It means you’ve weighed the situation and decided on it for yourself, by yourself. If you really want the dress, tell Mom you’re sorry she feels that way but you’ve made your decision and it’s the right one for you. It’s a really hard situation and I hope you can find a solution that you’re ok with.
Thank you for your advice. I'm working on reacting in a more calm manner to situations like this, although it is rather hard considering i suffer from emotional dysregulation(I'm rather reactive). It's true that something in me told me that i shouldn't give in to her when it comes to things i want for myself and that's it's unfair she tries to force her opinion on me when i avoid doing it to others and her, but now that i think about it, the dress wasn't worth this fight. During my emotional state I didn't consider "giving in" in such a light as the way you described it and now that i see it i understand.