So lately I been feeling depressed about not knowing how to drive believe it or not . I am 19. It honestly embarrasses me That a this age I still rely on parents and younger and older siblings for rides . I get jealous seeing other people already drive . Literally all my friends drive . I’m exhausted . I don’t know what to do . I feel very stuck in life . Drivers Ed next course isn’t until June 20th-July . It’s 500$. I’m so fucking desperate . A new friend from work has said she’s willing to teach me , but I worry she won’t keep that promise. I feel slow mentally lately like I’m losing memory and I don’t comprehend or process things same way anymore . At work, I easily lose memory all sudden and I have tj keep looking up screen no matter how many times I’ve looked my memeory fades away. I’m feeling depressed. Useless. I feel sad I’m not as good as others and they’ll rather put a 17 year old for manager than me . I’m done with everything . Ocd is worsening . My low self esteem/social anxiety is rising .

I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.

This isn’t OCD related so I’m sorry, but I don’t know another platform like this where I can talk to other people and actually get responses. OCD has been a huge fucking setback for me in life. I had to drop classes, wasn’t able to do things, and just felt so shitty all the time because of it. I feel like I blame OCD for everything I’m not. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough. Just today I saw someone I once knew and felt all of those feelings I used to have that made me miserable. Anyways, I tried taking my driver’s test a couple days ago but I wasn’t able to. The DMV only accepted cash. I felt upset but it was whatever. I’m almost 19, and I don’t have a driver’s license. So passing it would mean a lot to me. I compare myself to others my age; they have cars, hobbies, friends, go to college, etc… I don’t have any of that. Maybe comparing myself and all of that is my fault. My family says it’s my fault I’m sad because I just wallow in it. Hearing them say that makes me frustrated and hurt, but maybe they’re right. My mom texted a couple of my siblings in a group chat I wasn’t a part of, “He wants to wallow and be depressed. And woe is me, wah wah wah.” That made me really angry because my siblings were agreeing with her. Maybe they are right. Maybe I am selfish and think the world revolves around me. My sister tells me I need to advocate for myself more, I just don’t want to be a burden. I’ve only been a burden my whole life. My OCD created this whole issue in my family and I hate that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want an answer. Am I really a loser? Do I really wallow in it? Am I not trying like my family says? I just want to talk to someone.

So i’m finally taking lessons after years of avoiding it!! However, it’s taking me a LONG time to get comfortable and learn. Each lesson is expensive and my family is graciously helping me out, but I feel regret every lesson when I know more money is gone and I’m not improving at a rate I like. My OCD/anxiety is def part of the problem. I have a hard time making decisions confidently and quickly and I hesitate out of fear of being reckless and hurting someone. But so much of driving requires confidence and quick-thinking. I fear I may never make it to a point of getting a license. I’ve been getting lessons for weeks now, and I STILL turn too wide and end up in the other lane. How can I drive in huge traffic with this!? I’m going to hit a car just by turning at an intersection!!! Any tips, guys? 🥲 It’s not my teacher’s fault by any means, he’s been patient but also encouraging. He does push me when need be. But I’m still BAD at what I do lol. Regardless of the practice.