I want to start by saying this is going to be extremely long, but I’m really in my feelings tonight and I need to share with someone. I am a 20 year old female. When I was 7-8 I was molested by my sister who was about 12 at the time. I won’t go into detail about what she did, because it’s not what is important here. I thought there was something wrong with me because it felt good to me. I used to ask my family if the world ended, if all kids would go to heaven. I used to pray that the world would end because I thought if I grew up to be an adult, that I would go to hell. I finally told my grandma, who told my mom. They told me that it was normal, every kid does it, and we were just “experimenting”. I was never put into therapy for it or anything, and looking back this is exactly where my OCD started. I remember overhearing my mom on the phone talking to someone about how “gay people go to hell” (I just want to say that I do not believe this. I am a Christian but I completely support the gay community). After I heard this I went up in the bathtub and just laid there and cried until my grandma got home because I thought what my sister did to me made me gay. I thought I was going to hell for what she did to me. I soon became a severe germaphobe. I would touch something and then all day worry if someone touched it who had some serious illness and I was going to die. I also had severe separation anxiety from my mom. She would drop me off at school and the principal would have to come outside and drag me into the school because I would scream and cry. The next few years I had a lot of thoughts of “I know I didn’t do (insert any bad thing possible) but what if I did and just don’t remember?” I try not to blame my grandma and my mom, but sometimes it’s hard. I always wonder how different my life would have been if they would’ve gotten me therapy at a young age. There was suspicion not too long ago that my sister’s husband may have molested my nephew. My grandma was in the middle of fighting for custody of my niece and nephew, and I wanted to talk to her attorney and tell him about what my sister did to me. I thought it may help the case (because my family agrees that they wouldn’t doubt it if my sister wasn’t involved in molesting my nephew as well) but then I realized I would be harming my grandmas case by telling her attorney about how they didn’t do anything for me as a kid when it happened to me. I’m sorry about the length of this, but I just really needed to tell my story. There are only a few people in my life who know about this.