- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
You aren’t alone. I do it too. Struggling with it now. I tend to pick bad people to obsess over and they hurt me. I feel like OCD clouds my judgment
I just asked for reassurance from her basically and she told me to seek a christian counselor but I love my therapist on here actually learning about ocd and I feel like I'm thankful I'm not alone. Ocd is the one way I like saying it. The doubting disorder, it probably clouds my judgment everyday too. Thank you for sharing that
Of course! I haven’t tried a therapist on here. My psychiatrist doesn’t think I should go through and app buts it’s sooo much work to find one. They just send me a bunch of links and phone numbers and say good luck. Feels like it should be any other referral
Wow I really feel this 😔 and sometimes I DO scare people away, other times I scare them away because of how I try to manage this… but I try to tell myself - especially for relationships - if that happens, they are not meant for you. Applies for friends too! No friend should ever make you ashamed of who you are, but it has been a process not searching for reassurance constantly and calming my overactive brain/senses… but it makes you feel SO unworthy. It’s the part of myself I hate the most.
It takes up so much of my time trying to look into one person, or more everyday and looking for reasons why I should, these comments make me feel really less alone, I love this community and obsessing isn't fun thank you guys for the comments too
Agree! Just knowing that other people feel the same way is so comforting. So my thing lately is that I think I know a friend is not for me. She told me my anxiety and when I get self critical is so unattractive and I feel like my strong self is telling me to move on but if I do that then that means I wasted 6 years on a deep friendship for nothing and that I can’t trust my brain or gut about people. To be fair, I don’t think she meant it … she said she couldn’t thing of the right word (pathetic maybe?) but it stung bad. She really isn’t someone I should go to for this yet I keep doing it. It’s bad. I have plenty of friends , my husband is so supportive but it’s like I have to make this friendship work. I’ve put way to much energy into it- years if this onbession- reassurance cycle- and I can’t let it go because I feel like that would be a personal failure
@britty12345 You are so brave. That is a terrifying reality and the fact that you admit it and see that about yourself/your friend is a huge accomplishment. You did NOT waste 6 years on anything. That friend is a piece of your story and was something you needed, but no longer do. It doesn’t make your friendship less valid or useless just because you have outgrown it. You have realized that this person doesn’t treat you kindly and you, because of your growth and amazing bravery, have realized that she is not helping you grow, in fact, she is making it worse. Again, it isn’t time wasted! Beautiful memories were had, you learned a LOT, and that friend has served her purpose. People come and go in our lives, and it’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. You both made each other grow, and now you are not doing that. It’s okay. I say this because I have done this and it is hard. Giving space and beginning to let go… I promise you will feel relief because your gut is right.
@britty12345 Additionally, I feel you majorly in the present. I have been talking to this guy - for a YEAR on Snapchat - and it got more romantically involved and evolved a little… I have been trying to convince myself it could work, but it (and he) goes against a lot of my actual needs and wants in a relationship… and I’ve been taking it so seriously and looking into the future and making it out to be that he’s THE ONE… and I know he’s not but I keep going back and forth because I’m just scared to be alone and he’s the only thing I got going for me. I know I’m just ready for a real relationship but I’m turning back to him compulsively, especially since it’s online and the checking texts is a SUPER compulsive behavior for me … it’s just bad for me but I can’t stop :/
@britty12345 You described it perfectly, I've gone to my same friend over and over again in the past but now I don't really go to him, I go to just about everyone else for some sort of clarity and not trusting myself. I'm sorry your going through that, I always seem to have that reassurance cycle too and it can be hard to let that go qnd if does take a lot of energy... thank you for sharing that too and thank you for letting me know I'm not alone either, it's hard sealing with this but having others who experience it and talking helps
@britty12345 Looking at it more closely I've felt that too, here for you too. I run to everyone like i said and I don't even think I should be doing it anymore, making it work or forcing what I say on people
@oprender Thank you for sharing! Although my current situation is with a plantonic friend, I have been in the same space romantically. I don’t think the online dating apps/sites help because (at least for me) give me too many options that I doubt my ability to pick the right person. Are they the one? Is someone else out there better for me and am I eating my time with who I’m with. I actually did meet my husband online but even after being married for 13 years, I still question it. It might be normal. Talking to my non OCD friends about it was actually helpful because they also have moments of doubt. I think those thoughts are more sticky for me. Maybe the same as you? I think with my friend I’m going to just take a break from her and see what happens. See if she actually ever reaches out. I am deleting her number so I don’t contact her for a bit. I think you are worthy and you deserve to have someone who makes you feel good. That said not one person can fulfill every need. That’s one thing I learned in my marriage and accepting that has been helpful. And being grateful for what I do get out of it helps. I’m not always able to get to that space mentally
@ZackOlson22 Thank you for sharing! This is helpful. I need to remember this
@britty12345 I’m sorry that you are going something similar. Stay strong
@britty12345 Thank you for saying I'm not alone and sharing your experience, it really meant a lot to me too
I go through something super similar! Obsessing over people sucks, sometimes they just think you are needy and clingy and overwhelming…
And then do you feel like a horroble person unworthy of love … cause that’s how I feel sometimes or that I’ll drive anyone who gets to know this side of me away
@britty12345 oops the one below is in response
Dealing*
Ok, so when I was in high school I became very obsessive with love. I didn’t love myself and I found this boy who I wanted to love me. I had myself convinced we would get married. He didn’t even know who I was and I’ll admit, I completely invaded his privacy. I memorized his schedule, I put myself in places I knew he’d be or if I knew he was somewhere I’d go. I truly never meant harm, I just wanted him to love me and I thought that me stalking his life would get me into it and get him to love me. It got to the point where I even stalked other girls I thought he liked and told them that we were a “thing” so that they would stop talking to him even though we were definitely not a thing. I struggle to release the guilt of that overall because I feel so so so awful about it, but I know I never meant harm. Anyways, now that we are no longer together, I have this fear that if he never would’ve given me the attention I desired that I would’ve kept going. I would’ve started to get harmful and that I would’ve gone as far as harming people around him in order to get myself into his life. It makes me feel so awful but I truly do feel like I would’ve kept going and kept myself in his life even if he would’ve gotten a different girlfriend. Idk, I just really struggle because I don’t feel as though this was ocd and that maybe I truthfully am a horrible person who does need serious help because I stalked him so much and obsessed over him and crossed his privacy boundary. I’m so afraid to the extent that I would’ve gone had it not become us dating.
Not sure if this is OCD or ADHD or both, but sometimes I get really stuck on a topic to the point that it's obsessive and somewhat debilitating but still fun. Does anyone else get caught up on random topics (in a slightly unhealthy way)? This part of my mental health issues is one I don't mind as it has contributed a lot of joy to me through different fandoms and groups in my life. Just curious what obsessions (positive) you guys have and if you consider it a blessing, a curse or a blerse lol
Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help
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