- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
You aren’t alone. I do it too. Struggling with it now. I tend to pick bad people to obsess over and they hurt me. I feel like OCD clouds my judgment
I just asked for reassurance from her basically and she told me to seek a christian counselor but I love my therapist on here actually learning about ocd and I feel like I'm thankful I'm not alone. Ocd is the one way I like saying it. The doubting disorder, it probably clouds my judgment everyday too. Thank you for sharing that
Of course! I haven’t tried a therapist on here. My psychiatrist doesn’t think I should go through and app buts it’s sooo much work to find one. They just send me a bunch of links and phone numbers and say good luck. Feels like it should be any other referral
Wow I really feel this 😔 and sometimes I DO scare people away, other times I scare them away because of how I try to manage this… but I try to tell myself - especially for relationships - if that happens, they are not meant for you. Applies for friends too! No friend should ever make you ashamed of who you are, but it has been a process not searching for reassurance constantly and calming my overactive brain/senses… but it makes you feel SO unworthy. It’s the part of myself I hate the most.
It takes up so much of my time trying to look into one person, or more everyday and looking for reasons why I should, these comments make me feel really less alone, I love this community and obsessing isn't fun thank you guys for the comments too
Agree! Just knowing that other people feel the same way is so comforting. So my thing lately is that I think I know a friend is not for me. She told me my anxiety and when I get self critical is so unattractive and I feel like my strong self is telling me to move on but if I do that then that means I wasted 6 years on a deep friendship for nothing and that I can’t trust my brain or gut about people. To be fair, I don’t think she meant it … she said she couldn’t thing of the right word (pathetic maybe?) but it stung bad. She really isn’t someone I should go to for this yet I keep doing it. It’s bad. I have plenty of friends , my husband is so supportive but it’s like I have to make this friendship work. I’ve put way to much energy into it- years if this onbession- reassurance cycle- and I can’t let it go because I feel like that would be a personal failure
@britty12345 You are so brave. That is a terrifying reality and the fact that you admit it and see that about yourself/your friend is a huge accomplishment. You did NOT waste 6 years on anything. That friend is a piece of your story and was something you needed, but no longer do. It doesn’t make your friendship less valid or useless just because you have outgrown it. You have realized that this person doesn’t treat you kindly and you, because of your growth and amazing bravery, have realized that she is not helping you grow, in fact, she is making it worse. Again, it isn’t time wasted! Beautiful memories were had, you learned a LOT, and that friend has served her purpose. People come and go in our lives, and it’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. You both made each other grow, and now you are not doing that. It’s okay. I say this because I have done this and it is hard. Giving space and beginning to let go… I promise you will feel relief because your gut is right.
@britty12345 Additionally, I feel you majorly in the present. I have been talking to this guy - for a YEAR on Snapchat - and it got more romantically involved and evolved a little… I have been trying to convince myself it could work, but it (and he) goes against a lot of my actual needs and wants in a relationship… and I’ve been taking it so seriously and looking into the future and making it out to be that he’s THE ONE… and I know he’s not but I keep going back and forth because I’m just scared to be alone and he’s the only thing I got going for me. I know I’m just ready for a real relationship but I’m turning back to him compulsively, especially since it’s online and the checking texts is a SUPER compulsive behavior for me … it’s just bad for me but I can’t stop :/
@britty12345 You described it perfectly, I've gone to my same friend over and over again in the past but now I don't really go to him, I go to just about everyone else for some sort of clarity and not trusting myself. I'm sorry your going through that, I always seem to have that reassurance cycle too and it can be hard to let that go qnd if does take a lot of energy... thank you for sharing that too and thank you for letting me know I'm not alone either, it's hard sealing with this but having others who experience it and talking helps
@britty12345 Looking at it more closely I've felt that too, here for you too. I run to everyone like i said and I don't even think I should be doing it anymore, making it work or forcing what I say on people
@oprender Thank you for sharing! Although my current situation is with a plantonic friend, I have been in the same space romantically. I don’t think the online dating apps/sites help because (at least for me) give me too many options that I doubt my ability to pick the right person. Are they the one? Is someone else out there better for me and am I eating my time with who I’m with. I actually did meet my husband online but even after being married for 13 years, I still question it. It might be normal. Talking to my non OCD friends about it was actually helpful because they also have moments of doubt. I think those thoughts are more sticky for me. Maybe the same as you? I think with my friend I’m going to just take a break from her and see what happens. See if she actually ever reaches out. I am deleting her number so I don’t contact her for a bit. I think you are worthy and you deserve to have someone who makes you feel good. That said not one person can fulfill every need. That’s one thing I learned in my marriage and accepting that has been helpful. And being grateful for what I do get out of it helps. I’m not always able to get to that space mentally
@ZackOlson22 Thank you for sharing! This is helpful. I need to remember this
@britty12345 I’m sorry that you are going something similar. Stay strong
@britty12345 Thank you for saying I'm not alone and sharing your experience, it really meant a lot to me too
I go through something super similar! Obsessing over people sucks, sometimes they just think you are needy and clingy and overwhelming…
And then do you feel like a horroble person unworthy of love … cause that’s how I feel sometimes or that I’ll drive anyone who gets to know this side of me away
@britty12345 oops the one below is in response
Dealing*
i recently about six days ago ? started talking with someone with the intention of being friends and we’d talk a couple of times a day every for the past six days. But i immediately grew incredibly attached and obsessed with them i have no idea why it’s been driving me crayz. it didn’t help when they teased (?) me i guess and said if my compliments or well praise to soemthing they had done was flirting. it hasn’t left my mind at all. i don’t know what to do or why i’m feeling like this. and the worst part is i can’t say anything to them because i’ll just look weird i bet. i can’t help it i think about them so much and i check their stuff a lot and my lockscreen so much to see if they’ve texted me… is there any way to help with this ? it’s been really draining and causing me to overthink really badly.
I have OCD around being a bad or a “weird,” person. I use to be in therapy twice a week for two hours at a time because I was in such bad shape with it. Eventually I moved to once a week at two hours at a time, and now I’m down to just once a week, an hour at a time! I was also put on Lexapro, stayed on it for a year and just weened myself off in Nov. I do feel proud of myself, but today someone said something that was pretty triggering and I’m feeling funny now. Since I was a little girl, if I find someone I liked a lot, I wanted to know everything about them. This typically only happened with older adults and always women. It was always very harmless. I just lived in my head a lot with them always on my mind. Then Facebook came out where you could find out anything about anyone. I could go on to someone’s Facebook page, scroll through their page, pictures, and if I was really interested in them, could find out who their family was through their friends list, etc. Then I’d visit their families FB pages all the time out of just interest (or I guess you could call it being nosy, I don’t really know.) If I really felt interested in them, Id google them, look up their house, just weird stuff like that. I could end up knowing everything about them or their family. It had never caused me any harm or them any harm. I never really thought about it being weird or anything. But one day I woke up and was like, “what if I’m a stalker. What if this person knew that I knew who their parents are, their siblings, etc., etc.?” I got in to an absolute downward spiral about it and felt like such a weirdo, a creep, a freak. Seriously, I’m a pretty normal person. I’m married, kids, husband, stay at home mom, have the same friends I’ve had since middle school, high school, whatever. My therapist didn’t think this was a big deal and I was always scared she was just being nice. I made her promise me to tell me if anything I told her sounded off. Anyway, I was on the phone tonight and the person I was talking to, was talking about someone else and she said, “yeah, I mean she just looks people up and needs to know everything about them. That’s why she could be so good at being a private detective, or something like that. She’s kinda stalkerish.” It hit me hard. I felt like I needed to tell her that maybe she wouldn’t like me either because I can be the same way. I didn’t though. I didn’t get off the phone or do anything with it. If this was a year ago, I’d be in the bathroom vomiting, pacing the floor, taking my anti anxiety med. Today, I just dealt with the uncertainty of her not knowing that I can be the same way. I’m doing ok, but I’m so curious, is it just me that does this kind of thing? Is there anyone else that does this kind of thing? Is this abnormal? I know that it is what it is, but my phone conversation tonight kinda opened up that stuff for me a little bit and now I’m feeling like a freak. Thank you if read this and if you respond.😊
I have OCD around being a bad or a “weird,” person. I use to be in therapy twice a week for two hours at a time because I was in such bad shape with it. Eventually I moved to once a week at two hours at a time, and now I’m down to just once a week, an hour at a time! I was also put on Lexapro, stayed on it for a year and just weened myself off in Nov. I do feel proud of myself, but today someone said something that was pretty triggering and I’m feeling funny now. Since I was a little girl, if I find someone I liked a lot, I wanted to know everything about them. This typically only happened with older adults and always women. It was always very harmless. I just lived in my head a lot with them always on my mind. Then Facebook came out where you could find out anything about anyone. I could go on to someone’s Facebook page, scroll through their page, pictures, and if I was really interested in them, could find out who their family was through their friends list, etc. Then I’d visit their families FB pages all the time out of just interest (or I guess you could call it being nosy, I don’t really know.) If I really felt interested in them, Id google them, look up their house, just weird stuff like that. I could end up knowing everything about them or their family. It had never caused me any harm or them any harm. I never really thought about it being weird or anything. But one day I woke up and was like, “what if I’m a stalker. What if this person knew that I knew who their parents are, their siblings, etc., etc.?” I got in to an absolute downward spiral about it and felt like such a weirdo, a creep, a freak. Seriously, I’m a pretty normal person. I’m married, kids, husband, stay at home mom, have the same friends I’ve had since middle school, high school, whatever. My therapist didn’t think this was a big deal and I was always scared she was just being nice. I made her promise me to tell me if anything I told her sounded off. Anyway, I was on the phone tonight and the person I was talking to, was talking about someone else and she said, “yeah, I mean she just looks people up and needs to know everything about them. That’s why she could be so good at being a private detective, or something like that. She’s kinda stalkerish.” It hit me hard. I felt like I needed to tell her that maybe she wouldn’t like me either because I can be the same way. I didn’t though. I didn’t get off the phone or do anything with it. If this was a year ago, I’d be in the bathroom vomiting, pacing the floor, taking my anti anxiety med. Today, I just dealt with the uncertainty of her not knowing that I can be the same way. I’m doing ok, but I’m so curious, is it just me that does this kind of thing? Is there anyone else that does this kind of thing? Is this abnormal? I know that it is what it is, but my phone conversation tonight kinda opened up that stuff for me a little bit and now I’m feeling like a freak. Thank you if read this and if you respond.😊
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