Relationship OCD in getting to know someone

Hi everyone, My name is Alen and I am an OCD-patient in my twenties. This is my first time using this platform, so I hope I won’t make any mistakes. I was diagnosed with OCD five years ago. Back then, I struggled with cleaning, contamination, checking, and sexuality OCD. I started taking SSRI and all those symptoms almost disappeared. However, during this past years, I have still been struggling with relationship OCD. I currently have no official partner; however, I am getting to know someone, and my intrusive thoughts have exploded. I am anxious 24/7. It makes me so hard to distinguish “real” thoughts about whether this person is suitable for me, of the intrusive thoughts inherent to OCD. This anxiety has led me to kind of an avoidant behaviour. The idea of talking to the person I am dating makes me anxious. Which leads me to think I do not like them anymore. That makes me even more anxious. I am desperate. I feel like I was holding an enormous burden of thoughts that I can’t get rid of. I would appreciate if any of you who has relationship OCD could comment with their opinion or advice on this. Specially if you have had these intrusive thoughts while getting to know someone, instead of in a formal, long-term relationship. If you got here, thank you so much for reading.

fische74

Date posted: 3y

Hi Alen! You are not alone I have ROCD as well. It can happen honestly at any stage of dating— it also doesn’t have to be a romantic partner it can latch onto friendships as well! My first experience of ROCD was with my college roommate. I think the fact you are avoiding interaction sounds like OCD. Even if this person may or may not be the right person for you to explore a relationship the OCD is sabatoging it. I think it is a good opportunity to try ERP. So you can get freed up to actually enjoy exploring this relationship.

A. V.

Date posted: 3y

Hi! Thank you so much for your comment. I really needed this kind of support. I intend to start ERP as soon as possible. 😊

fische74

Date posted: 3y

@Alen (he/him) That is wonderful!

April307

Date posted: 3y

Hi! You're definitely not alone as I've experienced these thoughts in the initial stages of getting to know someone. The best thing to do, which helped me is to lean into my values. If you can identify what you're looking for in a person, that can help you determine if they are a good match for you. Do you like someone who is funny, polite, cares about family? If they have these qualities then it's likely oCD joined the party is taking over. It's best to apply ERP and to remember that anyone dating has these uncertainties. Having OCD does make this harder especially if you're new to treatment. I suggest joining some of the NOCD support groups about ROCD as others may have really good tips and can continue to validate your experience. Here is a video that might be helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4r0kir8COY&t=593s You got this :)

A. V.

Date posted: 3y

Hi! I'm so happy to hear this. Still not sure whether this person is suitable for me, but the "leaning into values" trick will definitely be useful.

A. V.

Date posted: 3y

@A. V. (he/him) Also I'm starting ERP soon. I will watch the video as soon as I have some spare time. Thank you so much again for giving me hope 😊

April307

Date posted: 3y

@A. V. (he/him) You’re welcome!!

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