So I’ve been terrified of taking antidepressants due to my suicide OCD, but my mental health has gotten so bad I’m finally deciding to give it a try again cause idk what else to to, I’ve tried natural stuff and it never works. But my question is, when you’re already having really bad intrusive thoughts how can you know it’s not from the medicine? My main fear is the medicine making me suicidal for real and me not being able to distinguish between the two.. I’ve taken an SSRI before but stopped after a few days cause I got scared like well what if the medicine is causing and will make me act on these thoughts?? (Hope this makes sense lol)

username255

Date posted: 3y

don’t be scared to try. tell your doctor how you’re feeling always. just keep them updated.

username255

Date posted: 3y

i have suicidal OCD and i was also scared of the same thing as an ssri caused my real suicidal thoughts in March, i just got on fluvoxamine as still dealing with suicidal OCD and i’ve noticed a drastic change in just 2 weeks. it’s not completely in control yet and still causes some anxiety. there’s actually a HUGE difference in real thoughts vs unwanted ones. the way i look at it is, if you could get rid of the suicidal thoughts itself would you be happier? if your answer is yes, they are unwanted. real thoughts are looked at as a last resort. as nothing else matters etc. it’s looked at more pleasurable.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

My thoughts are definitely unwanted, I’ve never been suicidal in my life. But if you don’t mind me asking did you already have suicide OCD before trying an SSRI?

username255

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous yes!! the suicidal OCD is actually what drove me to get on meds. i dealt with harm towards other and existential and then when it went on myself it freaked me out. i actually dont know if they were actual suicidal thoughts or not, but they felt real and i had an emotional blunt. so i think they were. but me too, i’ve never been suicidal in my life nor have ever wanted to die but this makes me question it sometimes. and i sometimes get depressive intrusive thoughts that i dont want at all so it adds on to it idk. it’s confusing

username255

Date posted: 3y

@username255 i was scared to get back on ssri, for that reason whether they were real or not i didnt want to add on to how i was already thinking. but it hasn’t. it hasnt done alot but i luckily havent gotten any horrible side effects and ssri’s take awhile to have its full effect so im giving it a chance

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@username255 That’s so crazy you say that cause the exact thing happened to me with the first SSRI I tried which was Zoloft. I felt so emotionless and on top of having those OCD thoughts I got so scared and stopped them. It really is frustrating and confusing having suicide OCD. I hope your medicine ends up helping you out though!! I’m gonna stop being so scared and give it a chance.

username255

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous mine was zoloft too!!!

username255

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous i hope it goes well for you too!! we will be just alright

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@username255 Yes we will! Another question just curious do your pupils dilate when taking the medicine? I’ve noticed mine get big when taking them

username255

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous i havent paid any attention but possibly!!!

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3y

With medication you should always consult with the prescribing doctor about side effects. For OCD you can always lean into the uncertainty and use non-engagement statements like “maybe it is maybe it isn’t.” Are you currently working with a therapist?

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

I have talked to my doctor about it, he said since I’ve never been suicidal he’s not worried about me having that side effect.. Idk. And no I don’t have a therapist, the ones I can afford don’t understand my OCD.

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