OCD absolutely does NOT tolerate me being human and making mistakes, particularly as a parent. If I make a mistake, or if I think I MIGHT have made a mistake, my OCD tells me I’m a horrible mom.

Having ocd makes me always think the worst. I have had 2 incidents that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and went about my day. When he woke up I said good morning and told him to come with me and get breakfast like I always did and when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him asking why he didn’t have them on but he was 2 or 3 so he didn’t like being yelled at and didn’t have a clear answer and pointed at me . My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible. The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving back and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible in my sleep. It had made my life so hard to live. Anyone without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these little weird quirks that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

Earlier I was playing with my 1 year old baby. I went to go lower him to the ground and I hoisted his legs up to a hand stand (again just playing, he had fun with this) anyway after the hand stand, I went to lower his legs back to the ground. As I was lowering him, I noticed his “front area” coming down toward my foot. I acknowledged that his front area was heading straight for my foot and quickly in my head was like “eh whatever just do it” and so his front area landed on my foot and then I jerked my foot away once he landed on it. I’m shaking typing this, I feel I’ve done something horribly wrong and may have violated him 😭 this whole incident happened so fast. I wasn’t able to fully process my actions to tell my self “no that’s wrong, move your foot!” And now I feel TERRIBLE. I’m spiraling. The terrible thought of “your doing this because you like it and you know you would like it” did not cross my mind when I told my self to just let his area land on my foot. So I don’t think I did it purposely for ill intent? I would never want to hurt my child but ocd makes it feel so real

My Ocd turns everything innocent and normal into something horrible. Sometimes when my daughter and I are watching tv she will want to play with and brush my hair. It feels so nice and relaxing or she will cuddle up and rub her feet on mine which is relaxing and makes me feel sleepy but ocd ruins it by telling me it’s inappropriate and that i’m enjoying something inappropriate. One day I saw a snapchat video my young grandson made of himself just out of the shower looking at himself shirtless in the mirror and I was thinking that he thinks he’s so cool and is probably going to flex like all boys do and laughed to myself but then the ocd kicked in and said that I was attracted to him and it made me so upset because I never have and don’t think of any child in that way. I don’t feel that way so how can ocd try to make me believe that I do?? How can ocd be more powerful than my own actual thoughts and feelings? This disorder is so debilitating and upsetting. I can’t live like this.