I posted awhile back that I had just moved into a really nice apartment and was there a week and pest control came and sprayed bug spray All over the carpet we had just moved in so there wasn’t really anything in there so he sprayed everywere the carpet was wet I panicked I shampooed the carpets for hours my bf took off work cause I was so upset I have an issue wit bug sprays and bombs and some cleaning products it’s like a phobia this bug spray I felt was everywere it helped a little bit that I shampooed but I just felt when we wlk on it from carpet to the floors that it was transferring to the floors and would transfer into the bed from our feet so then the bed was contaminated if you set something on the floor then on the counter it would transfer it was very exhausting I no there wasn’t anything rong wit the bug spray I no it’s safe to spray inside I no my bf wasn’t bothered by it so therefore I shouldn’t be bothered by it but I couldn’t get my brain to believe it it was like someone haveing a fear of hights and trying to get them to go up high somewere that nothing would happen everyone else is going up that it’s not that big of deal but it is to the person that has the fear I was so upset so tired everyday I couldn’t and didn’t want to do anything nothing got done in the apartment we had just moved in we didn’t bring anything else in everything staid the same for along time till months had gone by and I was trying to make the best of it but it was so hard bringing stuff in I could literally only do like 1 thing a week it’s been several months and finally the guy below us moved out and we were able to move into his place redoing our deposite and lease it was stressful comeing up wit more money to move but all my stuff was dirty to me and I didn’t want to bring that stuff into this new apartment so we put everything on the porch and I wiped everything off down to the cords we had 1 clear day then that weekend it rained all of our stuff got wet cause I had to leave it on the porch to not bring any dirty stuff in I eventually just threw shit away gave stuff away cause I couldn’t clean anymore I was getting overwhelmed it was so hard the guy left his bed and a table so we kept those so we didn’t have to bring in our bed which saved me alot of cleaning we also had stuff that had been sitting in storage we never brought to the apartment cause I was haveing such a difficult time bringing stuff inside so now we have our stuff from the storage unit I’ve cleaned everything and for the first time in months I’ve left the house I’ve gone to the store I’ve gone outside I’ve gone to do laundry when I was in the old apartment I probably left 4 times in 7 to 8 months I didn’t even go outside moveing downstairs has helped me feel better I tried getting help I’m on ssi and have tenncare noone accepts it we’re I live there’s not really anyone that understands ocd here I’ve been dealing wit ocd for years seen doctors therapist gone to hospitals I’ve gotten better but have learned ocd needs to be treated by ppl who understand that ocd needs to be treated wit exposure and response therapy which I had never even heard of and that all these years noone was realy helping me Unlearn these ocd rituals and habits and I’ve always been weiry of getting help cause I had no idea wat they could’ve done to help cause noone ever has helped I’ve also learned there’s not alot of ppl trained in treating ocd alotof doctors don’t understand it and I just want to see a doctor that’ll listen to all my problems and prescribe me the rite medications not just give me an antidepressant and that’s it I want to do therapy wit an ocd therapist I make 560 a month and can’t afford to pay therapist 100 something a week for session I’ve also been struggling wit showering rituals that I’ve been doing for years have just been so hard the contamination ocd has been so hard it makes showering hard my bf helps me wash my hair cause for a couple years I literally showered a couple times a year I have noone that realy understands ocd and the stuff that comes wit it I’m up late always on my phone I’m always stressed and tired I’m always thinking bout wat I’ve got to do next I gotta chnahe my clothes I gotta shower I gotta shave I gotta pluck my eyebrows and noing it’s hard for me to do any of those things cause of the rituals even if they don’t take long it’s just aggravating I just wanna wash my hair by myself and also do it like a normal person I’m greatful to be in this new apartment that’s took alot of stress off of me I just want and need support someone to tlk to that understands me and the laying in bed all the time being on your phone all the time scared to lay down the nite terrors the stress the anxiety the panick attacks I’ve got ppl in my life that think I can just do things and tell myself these important things need to be done cause there important and just be able to do them but I’ve not gone to court for my insurance ticket i stopped going to my suboxene doctor I missed Christmas and new year my bf birthday I’ve not done anything I’ve not washed my own hair I’ve not been able to shave and pluck my eyebrows and those are important to me but I just can’t make myself do them I just need atleast a free support group that’s not early I’m up so late and ppl shit tlk me but I don’t want to get off my phone and lay down i just hope nocd will accept my insurance so I can do over the phone sessions!!