Hi everyone! I am new to all this and I am not really sure if I have OCD. But basically in elementary school a "friend" made an fb account on my name, with a picture of some girl in a bikini. Then I knew nothing about social media and I was naive. Since that profile i started obsessing about it, checking out if she deleted it all the tims, but back then I didn't gave much attention to it. Just recently, like a year ago when something happened that trigerred mw, I stareted searching my name on all social media platforms, looking for a fake account making fun of me. I am pretty rational and chill person and I can not connect this behaviour with my real self. Just that some kind of fear occupies my mind and I get info searching myself, If I have a bad day it might take an hour of just doing that. When I dont find anything I feel relly calm, but quick after that doubts start bombing my brain like "what if you missed it or what if you enter your name with one more letter, or a number". It escalated last year when I was home because of covid, I spent all my time doing that, stoped going out in a fear I will miss something out. This whole situation triggered me when a friend of mine found out she had a crazy ex that was secretly filming their home, and I started searching videos of me on innapropriate sites, in a fear of video of me changing my clothes and convincing myself that I look like someone on a random video, than I see that I dont and I feel better, but within a half an hour new ideas that it is me and i should check it out comes. It ruined my life, i stopped seeing people, trusting anyone etc. Part of me knows that all of this might be a trigger from that profile in elementar school but then my brain is pretty loud that I am only comforting and lieing myself by thinking that. I just cant connect me a really rational being that I know I am and then those thoughts. I start thinking am I right about them too. I couldnt find anyone experiencing something like that around me, so maybe I find someone here that can relate to it.

Zoë_84

Date posted: 3y

You should get diagnosed, all other sufferers can do is guess...

Zoë_84

Date posted: 3y

Well, the obsessive wondering and checking sounds familar

Joy4

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for replying, I was just feeling so anxious and scared from my thoughts and my close people telling me that its all because I have too much free time and I am bored. It feels good to be heared.

Joy4

Date posted: 3y

@Greenpastures Thank you so much, I already feel bit lighter, people forget how much basic human things like compassion and empathy can impact others and change their day. I quess good thing when you have inner battles is they teach you to always begin with kindness cause you know what silent battles are. And same goes for you if you ever feel urge to talk to someone, consider my thread a safe place to come.:)

Joy4

Date posted: 3y

Also I used to have thoughts like these about health, used to think I have many forms of cancer or serious illnesses, but I learned to control it and it was much easy because I could just go to doctor and get it checked out, and I can't with this.

Joy4

Date posted: 3y

Ofcourse, I wasn't expecting anyone to tell me whether I have it or don't, I was just wondering was ti reliable to anyone. The reason I said i wasn't sure if I have it on the same begining is in case I say something triggering I don't upset someone and that they know that I am not diagnosed, I didn't say it to seek reassurance from other sufferers.

Joy4

Date posted: 3y

relatable* not reliable

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