- Date posted
- 3y
I don't even know
I've just been feeling really depressed lately and really just feeling like I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I feel like I've been really emotionally overwhelmed? Thinking about all the things that I wish that was doing with my life and everything I've been through but its just really been getting to me lately. So I started to think about my theme again and just kept thinking like maybe it is true and at first thinking like that's ok, there's a possibility but it doesn't have to ruin your life but the more I thought about it I started to freak out and think no its not ok and I need to figure it out right now. Then I started ruminating and checking and the thing is (because my current obsession is worrying about being autistic) I can relate a little bit to some of stories that people tell about not really fitting in or like having really intense emotions but I don't relate to any of the social/emotional issues like not understanding body language or facial expressions, strict routines or sensory issues. I guess the biggest thing that stresses me out the most is like I can relate to some of the ways that their brain works like sometimes I think of something funny so I kinda giggle out loud or being frustrated with questions that don't have a yes or no direct answer and not knowing how to answer, like I figure that that's it. That means I'm autistic and that freaks me out and start to get scared. I feel like I also start to like try to justify why I do or used to do something that might be considered autistic and say oh well yea I do/did that cuz of this... which I feel like my go-to is "trauma response" but even then a lot of autistic people are actually doing certain things cuz of trauma and I seriously just can't tell anymore if I actually am in denial or it's OCD and it's literally hell. I don't know does anyone have somet advice that might help with feeling like I'm in denial or just OCD?