Feeling unloved and threatened by my mom over my niece's behavior. Help?

I need help

My niece was having an attitude with me and I told her to stop having an attitude my mom defended her and snapped at me when my niece was in the wrong (she’s 11 and has a horrible attitude with me all the time) and I tried to defend myself and my mom threatened to pull over and slap me in my face and I said whatever to show I wasn’t afraid and then she said it again that she would slap me dead in the face and it’s not the only time she’s threatened me like that. She’s threatened to hit me many times before growing up. She also treats me like I’m nothing and shows no care for me whatsoever and makes me feel unloved and like a burden when it comes to my niece she’s perfect and gets whatever she wants and validation. I get threatened and yelled at. I’m 23 but I’m on vacation with them and I can’t escape. I’m now crying in the car trying to be quiet. I just really need help. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I feel like giving up because why should I even be here if my mom doesn’t care about me or love me. I don’t even know if this would even be considered abuse or not 💔

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

I grew up with a mother almost exactly the way you’re describing your mom. I’m 56. My mom died ten years ago. I do not miss her. When I found out I was pregnant at 20, unmarried but in a relationship with the father of my children, she would call me at work to tell me I was a wh*re and I was an embarrassment to the family and she would be taking the baby from me. Long story short she didn’t but I never forgave her because she never thought she did anything wrong. Sad. I wish I had the nerve then that I do now. My point to you is to stand up for yourself. Break that cycle and stay away from both of them until you’re able to handle her appropriately. Tell her you are not able to handle the relationship as it is and you need to take a break. Just get thru the vacation but if you don’t try to change the way she treats you, there’s nothing to stop her. You’re an adult and do not deserve to at treatment. Hang in there!

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you so much. I’ve been dealing with this for years and I always blame myself and feel like she hates me because it’s my fault. I’m so sorry you went through that. Thank you for understanding and responding. I appreciate it 🙏🏻

Username: GoneHikingGoneHiking

Date posted: 2y ago

I mean...unless I missed a memo, I'm pretty sure threatening physical violence like that is abuse? If you're actually scared of your own parents then something is wrong. Can't believe she used that slur toward you, too...if my own mother ever called me or my friend a bit**, that'd be unbelievably f*cked. Either way it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Unless you were really aggressive toward your niece, but it doesn't seem like you were; most likely it's not your fault. Whenever possible just avoid interacting with them for now, and when you make it back home find someone you trust that you can talk to; a counselor would be best for this.

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I wasn’t being aggressive at all. I was getting frustrated at the lack of respect my niece has towards me and my mom lets it happen and defends her when she’s clearly wrong. I don’t know what to do. I feel like the whole vacation is ruined and I still feel it’s my fault because all I wanted was for my niece to help me with something and she gave me an attitude because my niece lied to my mom about something and wanted me to lie and when I didn’t she got mad and got me in trouble and that’s what caused the whole thing. Thank you for your help but I just don’t think I can handle this anymore

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

She also called me a “little bit**” and that’s when she made the second threat because she said that the “little bit**” I work with (my best friend) she can’t slap her but that she would pull over the car and slap me dead in the face.

Username: beeeeebeeeee

Date posted: 2y ago

you're being abused. I'm sorry you've experienced this all your life. I know what it's like.. not exactly the same but I share a similar experience. do you live on your own ordinarily? like anonymous said, try your best to get through the vacation and keep yourself safe. if I were you, I'd honestly consider going no-contact with her. your mom. she's treating you terribly. that's no way to speak to anyone.

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I feel like I deserve it though. I live with her and my grandma and moments like that don’t happen often but she does make remarks all the time and belittles me a lot but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m at a point right now where if I left I would be leaving my grandma there too and I don’t want to upset her and also I would have to live in my car and I don’t want her to come after me or anything. I just live with it until one day maybe I can find someone like a future boyfriend or something that can get me out of it I guess if that makes sense. I don’t have any other option than to just deal with it. She’s not my biological mother she was my guardian up until I was 18 and then I turned independent. I live pay check to pay check because I have to give her money every month from bills and what I owe her but I just can’t leave. There’s nothing I can do and I feel like I deserve it anyways because of all I’ve been through and the things I struggled with in the past. She knows EVERYTHING about me. I thank you for your advice and help but at this time I have no option other than to just suck it up and deal with it

Username: beeeeebeeeee

Date posted: 2y ago

@Just Breathe ❤️ you don't deserve it. people don't deserve abuse. it doesn't matter what you've struggled with in the past, that's no excuse for her to treat you as she is. how you speak of yourself sounds to me like the mentality of someone who has been brainwashed into believing lies about their self-worth and goodness as a human being. and that isn't your fault. it's the symptom of chronic mistreatment. I want you to know life can be better this and you'll find people who will treat you better. but first you have to treat yourself better and take whatever steps necessary to leave. I know I'm just a stranger and this is all advice you haven't asked for but I really feel for you and I want you to know you're not alone in this. I've been in those shoes, I've been afraid and scared to leave a terrible yet unsustainable situation. I've struggled to leave family behind and say goodbye to those who don't really care about me as a person but healing and a REAL life, not this life cradled by fear and self-hatred, is only possible when you're far away from the environment that created the you right now, the You that is scared and doesn't know their own power. I really really hope you can leave that place soon.. and find the way to do it that best serves you.

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

@beeeee Thank you so much. I know you’re right. I’m just scared. I love my mom. I don’t want anything bad to happen. I just want her to be my mom but I always find myself disappointed. Anyways I appreciate the advice. Thank you for understanding 🙏🏻

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Yesterday was awful

I went almost 24 hours without sleep yesterday and worked a 10 hour shift so when I got home I went to sleep because I was so exhausted and also sad because my mind was driving me crazy I couldn’t even concentrate so I went to sleep and I remember being half asleep last night when my mom came home she was literally screaming at me and I remember screaming back saying that I wasn’t going to talk to her if she was going to speak to me that way and she was being so mean to me last night and I really don’t even want anything to do with her. I’m 23 and can’t afford to move out. I even cleaned the house yesterday for her like she asked me to and she came home literally screaming and yelling at me for no good reason all because I was asleep at 7 or 8 at night because I had gotten no sleep since 7 or 8 the night before. Why would she just scream at me? I don’t understand why she treats me the way she does. Maybe I deserve it? I don’t know

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I don’t know what to do

I really need help. This isn’t ocd related but I don’t know what to do and I have no one to go to. I think my mom is verbally abusive and I don’t know if I’m overthinking because I’m told all the time I overthink things but I can’t calm down. My mom has treated me horrible my whole life she doesn’t pay attention when I tell her things I’m excited about, she dismisses my feelings or when I’m upset and makes me feel like I’m a problem or that I don’t matter and that her problems are always worse than mine. She has threatened to hit me many times throughout my life but never has except for once when I was little I had a horrible headache and was crying from the pain in my room and we had company and she came in and hit me and told me to shut up that I’m worrying the company. She’s called me so many horrible names and just did today. We were playing cards and listening to music with my grandma and when I made a music suggestion she had a strong opinion about a singer that she has also listened to and when I got irritated about it she stopped playing and said I was a “little bitc*” said “another holiday ruined” and made a comment about my friends at work and that I treat them some way is why I lost them or whatever and she’s always called me much worse. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and I want to escape so badly but I can’t I have no where to go. I’m 23 and live with my mom and grandma. I can’t afford to move out and if I did I would have to live in my car. I’m so scared and upset. I hate myself. I wish I could just give up and I’m scared if I do that than it’s going to get much worse for me but at this point I don’t care. I have no one who loves me or cares about me and I definitely don’t have my mom because if it were any one else she would be so kind to them and treat them so nice if they were going through a hard time because I’ve heard her do that for many people but in real life when no one is listening and I tell her what is going on and why I’m upset she yells and screams at me saying I’m a ungrateful bitc* and that there’s nothing I could possibly be stressed about and many other things. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I could be free

Username: Hanna!

Date posted: 1y ago

Lost and just wanting love

I’m going to be really vulnerable and some of this is embarrassing but I need to talk to somebody. My mom is a narcissist…I was kicked out of the house yesterday for simply responding to something she said, she took it the wrong way and now I’m living with my sister. My father also told my mom he wants a divorce (after the argument) he has left and for the first time we are all separated we always bicker and argue but it’s just us 3, we are all we got. I’m scared and all I want is love…a major part of my ocd is scheduling, timing, planning, lists and saying things just right. I had my week planned out, tomorrow I was supposed to go and spend the money I got for my bday and get my birthday present which was going to adopt a new cat…now I don’t get to. I had my week planned perfectly and now it’s ruined and I keep having panic attacks over it. I also have Asperger’s and I’m scared of the change. My mom told me I could come back tonight and now she changed her mind and said she doesn’t want me back…I made her something for Mother’s Day which I was really proud of and took me almost 3 hours to make. She told me last night she hated it for the soul reason that I made it. Please somebody help me not feel scared for the change. I’m also having panic attacks becuase I wasn’t able to say goodnight the way I like to say it last night and so now that was ruined to (my Asperger’s and OCD combined like me to say things just right every night or my head tells me everything is ruined)

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Feeling unloved and threatened by my mom over my niece's behavior. Help?

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