Living with toxic parents check. Rather than checking in on me and asking if I’m okay with mental health. They wanna say I’m lazy for not coming out room and claiming I want nothing to do with them because i don’t come out a lot as if I don’t deal with the shit I deal with on daily basis . Dad threatened he’ll take my door away . I’m almost 20 btw 🥺yup and still get treated this way. Because I left my recent job and came back to old one dad had gotten wrong idea I only wanna be working fast food rest life . WTFFFF I’ve had talks wit them many times . I want to go to college and not for their sake but for my own because I WANT TO! Why tf can’t they notice realize all hard work I’ve put into these past couple years especially having to deal with all these factors affecting mental health. They have no idea with what I battle with everyday. I hate them . After he had invited me to go out I had agreed to it but now he wants to act this way on me and treat me like this as if I did anything ....NO I’m done . No happy Father’s Day to him . I’m done with him . I am genuinely done.

For context, im going to college for 6 years (less than 2 years away to graduate college) to focus on fixing my GPA, volunteering, and MCAT studying... as well as graduating... My parents keep guilt tripping me and asking me questions like "did you know how much we've spent to keep you in college?" And telling me the amount they've spent on my college education... my mom keeps saying that "shes not trying to make me feel guilty, but it's a fact you have to accept..." I know they've spent a lot of money to help me... my mom claims she spent over 70k on me... and I know they're suffering... but them constantly telling me the same thing and saying things like I should drop out to focus on making money to save is honestly degrading my mental health... My mom is the only one who knows the full extent of how extremely horrible my extremely awful and terrible POCD real events when i was either 13 or 14 were... so it feels like im indebted to her for helping me throughout... but her constantly asking me these kinds of questions and then saying "im not trying to make you feel guilty" is counterintuitive... UPDATE: when I called my mom just now... crying about how much I l0athe myself every time she guilt trips me, she kept bringing up her own pain, and that I didnt keep my promises... to the point where I genuinely asked her if I delete myself, will she be happy... she at first compared me to other kids who graduated in four years, then asked if I thought I had suffered more than she has... and if i did, that I should "stop talking to her"... I genuinely cant take this anymore... I cant take this from her anymore... I cant take life anymore... she makes me feel like I shouldn't be here... I genuinely dont want to be here...

For context, im going to college for 6 years (less than 2 years away to graduate college) to focus on fixing my GPA, volunteering, and MCAT studying... as well as graduating... My parents keep guilt tripping me and asking me questions like "did you know how much we've spent to keep you in college?" And telling me the amount they've spent on my college education... my mom keeps saying that "shes not trying to make me feel guilty, but it's a fact you have to accept..." I know they've spent a lot of money to help me... my mom claims she spent over 70k on me... and I know they're suffering... but them constantly telling me the same thing and saying things like I should drop out to focus on making money to save is honestly degrading my mental health... My mom is the only one who knows the full extent of how extremely horrible my extremely awful and terrible POCD real events when i was either 13 or 14 were... so it feels like im indebted to her for helping me throughout... but her constantly asking me these kinds of questions and then saying "im not trying to make you feel guilty" is counterintuitive... UPDATE: when I called my mom just now... crying about how much I l0athe myself every time she guilt trips me, she kept bringing up her own pain, and that I didnt keep my promises... to the point where I genuinely asked her if I delete myself, will she be happy... she at first compared me to other kids who graduated in four years, then asked if I thought I had suffered more than she has... and if i did, that I should "stop talking to her"... I genuinely cant take this anymore... I cant take this from her anymore... I cant take life anymore... she makes me feel like I shouldn't be here... I genuinely dont want to be here...

Before I start this let me preface with this: My dad was abusive and would scream and hit me. Me and my girlfriend just came back yesterday from a long trip in the Bay, surrounded by family and getting little to no sleep, even before we went to the Bay. I had work today, a long, stressful shift. I come home and find out that not 1, but 3 of her friends are spending the night. This would be fine but they are spending the night in our small, hot, stuffy room, on the second bed. I am getting so upset. I feel like I havent had a break at all from people and I'm getting so overstimulated and angry at myself. I keep getting the visions and compulsions of screaming at them like my dad would or straight up just snapping at them. It's all in my head. There's just a pit of rage in my stomach. I don't want to hurt them but my brain wants me too. I'm so mad at myself for even thinking about this. If it wasn't 100 degrees I would have taken a walk but the heat just stresses me even more. I don't want to be my dad. Ever. He always told me that I got the darker part of his brain and inherited his mindscape, and he always said it with pride and I feel so upset.