Im feeling tense bc I’ve never been with anyone other than my bf and we plan on getting married etc. feeling like I need to go out and do something but that’s so scary to me. Im afraid that im depending on someone else to make me feel better in my relationship other than my partner. Idk im scared it means im not actually satisfied in my relationship or something or that it was bad that I decided to be with one and one person only

We had that exact convo yesterday. He and I have only been with each other and he was having similar feelings about having an open relationship but we talked about it and he realized that he would rather find a way to meet those needs within our relationship while also being allowed to have very minor flirtatious moments with certain folks. The same goes for me. But now it feels like I’m second guessing my whole speech to him about not being polyamorous and how I want us to be monogamous bc I keep getting all these thoughts and sensations that if we were to do this thing, then it would feel so good etc etc and it’s just really odd and scary

And I guess it’s hard to only be with one person sometimes and have such an active imagination. I’m scared I secretly want to try other people while being in a relationship with my partner and it’s even scarier bc he said if we both agreed to that then we could do it under our own terms. But I don’t believe I really want that at my core. And he’s very ok with not doing polyamorous things

@crc_1394 Yeah. I know that when I was fixated on all of that stuff, I couldn’t stop thinking about other people. I think my brain was trying to figure everything out in one day. I think there’s a huge difference between fantasy and reality. There are things that we fantasize about, but in practice, would make us very uncomfortable. Our thoughts don’t hold much weight, and it’s okay to recognize that other people are attractive. I think since we have ocd, we interpret these thoughts and feelings as something we should act on. That’s not actually the case, we should just recognize them and let them be just a thought or feeling

@Kiddd I just really hope we can find ways to meet these needs with each other and within ourselves. My bf and I both haven’t been given much attention from other people and I think he needs a little innocent external validation to help with his confidence. He told me in depth that what I provide is honestly the best but that it would help his confidence if people were to notice him a little more since it’s literally never happened other than with me. I’m just scared we’ll have to rely on others for stuff more than what we realize or something. I just wanna be ok with us and ok with the idea that things could be good if they were different (while also not actually doing those things) lol. Sorry I’m rambling

@crc_1394 I think I felt like I needed more validation because I wasn’t doing things that made me happy and I was bored in life