I know I’m posting a lot today but I’m having a rubbish time. Does your ocd ever make you feel as though you really want to be that thing your obsessing over? Like today I’ve been able to say “I’m gay” and get almost a good feeling from it which worries me.

That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

I’m on my period and o think my ocd feels a little worse today… I feel anxious and like something bad is about to happen, like I can’t move or talk cause I’ll freak out or snap and do something. Also I had a gronial response about an SA topic and I feel horrible, I’ve noticed that I do have these gronials as if I’m actually into that but idk if it can happen that you have the gronial and think “oh I’m horny, not about this but I am” is that possible? Idk how to say it… also I think I just want reassurance but I’m also scared…