Partner of someone with rocd here

Do any other partners of someone with rocd just feel so defeated sometimes? I know how debilitating this is for my partner don’t get me wrong, but it’s debilitating for me too. To constantly feel like I have to justify my whole past but his equally bad or worse behavior is fine. He doesn’t owe me an explanation or even an apology because he is having ocd about my actions. Sometimes he’s treated me badly in the past and that caused me to be a jerk too. I’m not right for that. But because of his ocd I have to constantly own it over and over and over, but he doesn’t even acknowledge that he has been cruel to me at times. I’m so exhausted and I hope this doesn’t offend anyone. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Username: redmuse22redmuse22

Date posted: 2y ago

You don't have to justify your past or this post. Dating someone with an unmanaged mental illness is very taxing (speaking from both sides of the coin here). OCD does not provide a get out of jail free card. I had to apologize to my partner earlier this week for lashing out due to anxiety. While OCD might inform my actions, it does not excuse them.

Username: NicaNica

Date posted: 2y ago

I understand and I have OCD. That’s why it’s important your spouse gets help because if they keep giving into their PCD, it only gets worse.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you for the supportive comment I was really scared to post this. It’s so hard not to give in because it feels like if I don’t he will decide he doesn’t love me anymore.

Username: kiki♡kiki♡

Date posted: 2y ago

I have ROCD and my partner does lose patience when I am asking for reassurance. It's totally valid that you feel this way. Tbh if the roles were reversed, I'd have probably been even less patient with a partner with ROCD, and I think I'd have a hard time not taking the thoughts personally. That being said, it's essential for your partner to manage their ocd in order for the relationship to be healthy. You should not have to justify your past, that is your business. As someone with rocd who has said unfair things to various past and my current partner, I know that I can't use rocd as a way to excuse my behavior. I have to take accountability for my actions, which is very hard, but gets easier with therapy, meds, self care, working through guilt etc.

Username: Jacob E.Jacob E.

Date posted: 2y ago

Aw man, that does sound exhausting. I'm sure your partner is exhausted too -- I have ROCD myself and I know it makes things a bit challenging in my relationship as well. I started seeing an ERP therapist and that's helped a lot for me. I also have been educating my partner on OCD and how we can make it better. It's one thing to acknowledge the condition, but another to discuss how to manage it effectively. The biggest takeaway is not responding with reassurance and learning to become comfortable with uncertainty. Have you talked about your partner starting therapy?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you for your supportive comment. I was really scared to post this. As I said above it’s hard not to reassure because it feels like he will stop loving me if I don’t explain my past or he will invent his own narrative that may be worse than the truth and he will end up leaving me over it. He has started therapy on here and I am praying it helps because he is the love of my life. I wasn’t perfect in my past but no one is. My heart is so broken over this spike tonight. It hurts so much.

Username: kells

Date posted: 5y ago

My partner has ROCD and we’ve struggled a lot to keep our relationship healthy because of it. We broke up temporarily because it was so hard for me to deal with him being so distant when he was stuck in thought loops and when he would share all the doubts he thought about me it would make me extremely insecure. We are back together now and trying to create healthy boundaries. His ROCD makes me feel like I’m the only one rooting for us and holding us together. I am beginning to take the time to research more about OCD to better understand what he is going through and figure out the best way to support him. I just get so overwhelmed that he will never be happy with me. Any advice?

Relationship OCD

Username: JennyJ

Date posted: 3y ago

Hello dear friends. I hadn't been on this app for a while, I've been getting by. Today I just need to vent and to feel validated and understood. I have OCD, I consider myself in permanent recovery. It is an everyday job. I am ina relationship with a wonderful guy. I deeply love and care about him, but he doesn't understand anything about OCD. I've explained it to him a million times. I've directed him to online resources. I've talked him through what to do to help me get out of a loop without giving me reassurance. And yet, he never knows what to say or do when an episode appears. It is tiring to pull myself out of the loop and then having yo explain to him what just happened to me, over and over again. I think, in general, he lacks empathy for other people's feelings, but, when it comes to me, I can see that he tries but achieves nothing. I think I don't have ROCD, I have diverse thoughts. But the last few weeks this thought got into my mind: what if he has met someone else and they are texting each other and flirting and he's gonna leave me? (He left his girl to start a new relationship with me). And he are apart due to the covid-19 epidemic, so we didn't see each other almost at all during last year. Of course, I had been able to keep this particular thought to myself, buy yesterday, it just came out of my mind after him not picking up the phone. He was in shock. He reacted defensively (which I completely understand), replied that he had nothing to explain to me as to why he couldn't answer the phone when I called him and that we was surprised that I asked him such a thing (if the reason why he didn't answer me was that he was talking to someone else). I knew it was just an OCD thought of mine, but I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. Of course, I apologized to him and had to explain it had been an OCD thought. He was supporting and understanding and told me everything was ok and to forget about it. This morning I feel sad that he couldn't recognize this for what it was despite all the explaining I have done. I have dealt with my ocd on my own, despite being in a relationship. I just needed to vent and would like to read your thoughts about this whole thing. Thank you in advance for reading and replying.

Username: Heyhowareya

Date posted: 2y ago

Partner has ROCD

My boyfriend has ROCD and it can get tough or discouraging at times but I’m in it for the long haul. Does anyone have any affirmations that help them?

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Partner of someone with rocd here

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