Hospitalization Anniversary

My psychiatric self-admitted hospitalization 1 year anniversary is upon me and I can’t help, but dwell upon the fact that my mental health got as severely bad/out of control as it did and that I needed to hospitalize myself because of it. Unfortunately, despite the fact that I shouldn’t; I carry guilt regarding this, I am ashamed, I feel embarrassed and the list goes on. Again, none of the above is how I should feel about it because I didn’t choose to wind up in such a position in the first place. However, the blessing in disguise is that it essentially saved my life; both figuratively and literally speaking. I had suicidal ideation because of my mental state and I was undiagnosed until entering the hospital; where during my two week stay, all of my psychiatric evaluations took place. Anxiety, major depressive disorder, PTSD and last, but not least and in this case; most importantly, OCD (Harm OCD). Since then, I’ve thankfully come a long way with the help of God, family, friends, doctors, therapists, medications and myself. I’d be lying to both myself and those of you reading this if I said that ever being in that mental state and/or needing too be readmitted to the hospital aren’t a couple of my biggest fears in life, but the point of this post is because this is a safe space/place and if I’m going to share apart of my story anywhere and with hopes that it can be of help too anyone/others; it’s going to be here. And hopefully by doing so and with the help of others; I can now finally and officially begin the process of letting go and freeing myself of this part of my past 🙏🏼 Thank you all for listening to me share apart of my story with you ✍🏼 Sending love, compassion and support to all those suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌