What do you do when your partner with ocd says something that feels unforgivable to you? They justify with their diagnosis and saying that they are in treatment for it. But it is something that is beyond hurtful. They say they were not thinking and were blinded by their spike. But they are always saying how impeccable they are with their word and how precisely they speak and how honest they are. Sorry if this is hard to follow but I can’t believe what my boyfriend just said to me.

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(

Longer post, but please, I need some guidance. I thought that my thoughts relating to relationship OCD were taking over. But, my bf started treating me differently. I tried to have a conversation and communicate this worry. He then texted me that he had actually been feeling distant for a month and has been meaning to tell me. But “we’re fine now.” I spiraled. Later in the week, he went quiet after a disagreement. After he promised we were okay and he was okay, I found later he was texting a mutual friend (female) that I was crying again. She said that it was fucking insane and other hurtful things about me. He said he lost his trust with me because I looked through his phone and saw that message even though during the whole relationship we had a mutual understanding that we had nothing to hide from each other and he always assured me that I could look through his phone at anytime. It’s ok for boundaries to change in a relationship, but it wasn’t communicated and I was harshly reprimanded. During the texting chain with the mutual friend he also said that “she just has no idea.” When I addressed this, he then said that for the past month, he actually felt he didn’t want to be in a relationship, but still loved me. I’m ruined. I had the same thoughts in January and knew I loved him. I found out it was ROCD (through this app) and told him the day after the realization because it was eating at me. So him saying I wouldn’t understand and telling other seems unjustified. I would’ve been the most understanding. Any help would be appreciated greatly.