What do you do when your partner with ocd says something that feels unforgivable to you? They justify with their diagnosis and saying that they are in treatment for it. But it is something that is beyond hurtful. They say they were not thinking and were blinded by their spike. But they are always saying how impeccable they are with their word and how precisely they speak and how honest they are. Sorry if this is hard to follow but I can’t believe what my boyfriend just said to me.

Feeling so lost and overwhelmed. My ocd has been focused on my boyfriend for the past year. We had a rough patch and he made some new friends at work. I then became obsessed he fancied one of them and went through all his messages and obsessively questioned him. He has stood by the fact he didn’t like her like that and other people who speak to him about it think he didn’t. He’s spoken to my therapist and tried to help, but I just can’t get it in my head he’s not lying. The things I believe to be ‘evidence may aren’t really telling. I found out they were still chatting on insta once she left his company but the convo was fairly platonic - they were just talking about work and the new people. She did make a comment it would be more fun if I was still there, but she is french so there is a slight language barrier (I thought this sounded flirty). She also messaged him about a festival she was at with her boyfriend. He said they are very in love and moved in together and from her social media they seem that way. I also once came home and picked up his phone and it opened onto a video of her he’d been watching which he’d filmed of her falling asleep in the office. He said he’d just been flicking through his videos but I became obsessed he was really missing her. All my family and friends think he’s telling the truth. He’s taken me to doctors appointments and keeps telling me the power is in my hands. I told him the other day I’ve spent the past year imagining the things I believe to be true and negatively reinforcing it and said it’s hard to unlearn. He was upset by this and said why have you done that when I’m not lying. He said that if what he’s told me isn’t enough that’s okay. Maybe I can’t get over the fact he had this friend and I can’t trust what he said. Prior to this we’d been together happily for 5 years. He’s now said we’ve spent a year unhappy, me not trusting him and breaking down. He said he wants to really move on with life, start saving for a house etc and has asked me to draw a line under this. He’s broken up with me 3 times in the past to give me a wake up call that he cannot take the questioning and yet I still feel I don’t believe him. I was cheated on in the past and I think that’s really traumatised me. I don’t want my ocd to force me to leave him. It’s seems so unfair, had I not had ocd I wouldn’t have viewed it like this. But maybe I can’t get over it - even though nothing has happened. I feel so bad for putting him through this and so bad I’m not helping myself either. Just want some kind words. Has anyone else ever had their ocd stop them from being able to see things clearly or how other people do?

Hello dear friends. I hadn't been on this app for a while, I've been getting by. Today I just need to vent and to feel validated and understood. I have OCD, I consider myself in permanent recovery. It is an everyday job. I am ina relationship with a wonderful guy. I deeply love and care about him, but he doesn't understand anything about OCD. I've explained it to him a million times. I've directed him to online resources. I've talked him through what to do to help me get out of a loop without giving me reassurance. And yet, he never knows what to say or do when an episode appears. It is tiring to pull myself out of the loop and then having yo explain to him what just happened to me, over and over again. I think, in general, he lacks empathy for other people's feelings, but, when it comes to me, I can see that he tries but achieves nothing. I think I don't have ROCD, I have diverse thoughts. But the last few weeks this thought got into my mind: what if he has met someone else and they are texting each other and flirting and he's gonna leave me? (He left his girl to start a new relationship with me). And he are apart due to the covid-19 epidemic, so we didn't see each other almost at all during last year. Of course, I had been able to keep this particular thought to myself, buy yesterday, it just came out of my mind after him not picking up the phone. He was in shock. He reacted defensively (which I completely understand), replied that he had nothing to explain to me as to why he couldn't answer the phone when I called him and that we was surprised that I asked him such a thing (if the reason why he didn't answer me was that he was talking to someone else). I knew it was just an OCD thought of mine, but I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. Of course, I apologized to him and had to explain it had been an OCD thought. He was supporting and understanding and told me everything was ok and to forget about it. This morning I feel sad that he couldn't recognize this for what it was despite all the explaining I have done. I have dealt with my ocd on my own, despite being in a relationship. I just needed to vent and would like to read your thoughts about this whole thing. Thank you in advance for reading and replying.

Do any other partners of someone with rocd just feel so defeated sometimes? I know how debilitating this is for my partner don’t get me wrong, but it’s debilitating for me too. To constantly feel like I have to justify my whole past but his equally bad or worse behavior is fine. He doesn’t owe me an explanation or even an apology because he is having ocd about my actions. Sometimes he’s treated me badly in the past and that caused me to be a jerk too. I’m not right for that. But because of his ocd I have to constantly own it over and over and over, but he doesn’t even acknowledge that he has been cruel to me at times. I’m so exhausted and I hope this doesn’t offend anyone. Just needed to get it off my chest.