What do you do when your partner with ocd says something that feels unforgivable to you? They justify with their diagnosis and saying that they are in treatment for it. But it is something that is beyond hurtful. They say they were not thinking and were blinded by their spike. But they are always saying how impeccable they are with their word and how precisely they speak and how honest they are. Sorry if this is hard to follow but I can’t believe what my boyfriend just said to me.

OCD is not a free pass, so his behaviour cannot be excused. It can be hard to deal with OCD, I know it’s hard for me. But it’s not an excuse to hurt or harm another individual. I cannot control how OCD makes me feel, but I can learn tools that help me cope. For me, OCD is distressing, but with therapy I also have the hope of learning how to live with it. I have a very loving relationship with my partner. There is a lot of respect and love on both sides. And that’s because we acknowledge OCD, but we also know that it is not me as a whole person. My partner knows her boundaries and mine and knows to not reassure or accommodate my OCD. I respect my own boundaries and hers and am so grateful for her empathy towards me. It sure isn’t easy, but we have found a path to navigate it as equals. I would never ever justify any bad action on my part with OCD, because that would mean I deflect any responsibility from myself. Your feelings are valid and it’s not okay you were treated this way

He just always says he always tells the truth and he’s brutally honest. But when I told him the thing he said to me was too much he keeps trying to change his word. He is always saying he is impeccable with his word like that book the 4 agreement. He also latches onto things I say even in passing like examples in conversation. So it is very contradictory.

If you are the same anon from yesterday (who has a partner with Rocd and does take accountability for their actions) I would say it sounds like your partner is leveraging their diagnosis to manipulate you at best or excuse emotional abuse at the worst. Harm is harm. If someone lashes out and hurts you, it is NOT ok. You can be not in your right mind for multiple reasons (not sober or dealing with mental illness etc) and while it might provide context or mitigating circumstances, it does not erase the hurt. Apologizing (not excusing) and taking accountability is what your partner should do. This includes future actions they take to not repeat what they've done.

I say things to my boyfriend all the time because of the anger from my ocd. It’s just very hard 😖 and makes me feel like a bad person

I mean yeah but I do say things like I hate u and say mean names and words but I wouldn’t say like I want u to die or something like that

Do you live with your boyfriend? How long have you been together?