What do you do when your partner with ocd says something that feels unforgivable to you? They justify with their diagnosis and saying that they are in treatment for it. But it is something that is beyond hurtful. They say they were not thinking and were blinded by their spike. But they are always saying how impeccable they are with their word and how precisely they speak and how honest they are. Sorry if this is hard to follow but I can’t believe what my boyfriend just said to me.

Hi all. I’m writing this because I can’t stop spiraling and I don’t know who to talk to without feeling judged. I (27F) have OCD, so emotional safety and perceived red flags are something I hyper-analyze. My boyfriend (24M) and I are in a long-distance relationship, Im just on vacation right now . We’ve had our ups and downs, but overall, it’s a loving connection. That’s why this particular moment is bothering me so much. Last night, we were on a video call, flirting. At one point I said, “Go to the bathroom first,” before things got more intimate (he has a roommate and wanted privacy). After a few minutes, he came back and said, “Okay I’m alone.” But I hesitated. I was acting playfully shy and holding back. That’s when he said something like, “You said if I went to the bathroom, you’d show me something. This isn’t my (my name)—she’s not shy with me.” He said it smiling, and I was smiling too, but later it started to gnaw at me. My OCD kicked in. I started spiraling: Did that cross a line? Was that pressuring? I brought it up to him, and while he tried to be supportive, I could tell he was caught off guard. He said something like, “I’m trying my best to support you, but I feel sad that you would think I’d ever pressure you like that.” And then, in what he admitted later was a “dumb joke,” he said: “I’m not like your dad—I won’t get mad if you say no or disagree with something.” (For context: I’ve told him before about my father’s anger issues from my childhood. It’s a very sensitive topic.) I got upset and told him never to bring my father into things like that. He immediately apologized and said, “I realized it right after—that the thing I said as a joke to get you out of overthinking was serious. I’m so sorry again, and I feel really bad right now. I respect you and I respect everyone in your family.” After that, he was very gentle. We stayed on the call for a while longer, I felt heard, and we ended things with “I love you.” But today I still feel emotionally sore. Not because I think he’s abusive or manipulative—he isn’t—but because I felt something shift. He saw me cry like that for the first time, and now I feel exposed and over-analytical. My OCD brain is stuck on what if this was a red flag? Even though he apologized and explained himself, I still feel unsettled. What’s making it harder is that I haven’t even told my best friend. I usually tell her everything, but I’m scared to bring this up. I know she already has reservations about him (she’s very protective of me), and I feel like if I share this, she’ll just add it to the “reasons he’s not right for you” list. But I don’t want her judgment—I want clarity. I’m scared that sharing it will make things worse instead of better, and that’s an isolating feeling. I want this relationship to work. I don’t usually cry like that in front of people. I don’t usually feel safe enough to. And he did show up in the end. But now I don’t know how to trust myself—is this a moment to work through together, or am I ignoring something important? Would love some kind, grounded perspective. Thanks for reading.

Hey everyone, I’d like to get your perspective on whether this sounds like OCD or if it’s something I should bring up again in my relationship. last week there was a situation with my boyfriend: I assumed he would pick me up from work because he usually does. This time he didn’t. I knew from his location that he was at the bar. When I asked him if it was more important to him to stay at the bar and watch his friend play the slot machine, he just gave this kind of caught/embarrassed smile and laughed. Then he said that the real main reason was his knee pain. He did actually injure his knee a few days before, but the day before this he had still picked me up despite the pain, and by now the pain wasn’t as bad anymore. So for me it was clear: the main reason wasn’t his knee, but that he preferred to stay at the bar. In the end, after I kept pressing him, he finally said: “A little bit.” → meaning that he admitted he wasn’t completely honest with me. But that didn’t come out on its own, it was because I pushed it out of him. After that he justified it again, saying that he was still basically honest, because the knee pain was true as well. And at the very end he said that in his view he had actually been honest anyway, since he did say from the beginning that he was at the bar and found it interesting. I want to say that my boyfriend is generally a very honest and good person. That’s why it’s even more confusing for me that I can’t let go of this situation. I keep feeling like I want to bring it up again. So I’m asking myself: Am I reacting too intensely here because my mind goes straight into “all or nothing” thinking? Does this sound like OCD-driven distrust/need for reassurance? Or would you, in my place, bring it up again even though we’ve already talked about it? This situation really triggered me, and I keep ruminating about it. another situation from yesterday : yesterday there was a small situation with my boyfriend that I can’t stop thinking about. We used an online spin wheel to decide who should get ice cream. His name came up, but he didn’t want to get the ice cream at first and tried to talk his way out of it a little. At the beginning, he only said we would do one spin, then later he suddenly said he thought it would be three spins – and shortly after emphasized seriously that he meant it that way. For me, this felt completely contradictory, because I could tell he really didn’t want to do it. It’s not about the situation itself, but that he says he was honest, yet it doesn’t sound honest to me at all. My mind keeps spinning on it, while other people would probably just laugh it off. Does anyone else experience this? How do you handle moments where words and actions seem to contradict each other, even when your partner genuinely means what they say? Does that also sound like ROCD to you? need advice feel like shit..

I’ve always struggled a lot with confessing. It’s my worst compulsion. My bf has always been really understanding and can usually see the OCD in it more than I can. He’s always grounded me and helped me see the distortion or the OCD. Lately it hasn’t been that way, he takes my confessions out of the context of the OCD. Takes offense. Gets upset, and angry. He’ll say things like “Who says something like that? Why would you say that?” I can’t ask him not to react, that’s not fair, but I’m feeling like a monster is this is only making me want to confess more because every time I do I get a terrible reaction from him and it feels like it just confirms whatever it was was awful. It doesn’t feel like I’m overthinking or getting stuck on a technical truth or just having ocd distort something. It feels like I’m truly a monster. I can’t even defend myself because I can’t tell if it’s really OCD or just me having a bad thought I agree with. I feel scared. He’s never reacted badly like this and it’s happened multiple times now. I know it’s not fair to keep confessing but I’m genuinely struggling and scared. I don’t know what to do, I can’t just write it down or something. That makes it more real. Materializing the confession makes me more likely to confess.