I Don't Know How Many More Times I Can Do This

I'm stuck in a bad spiral right now. I have OCD with PTSD and depression as comorbidities. And I can't do this anymore. How can I find the motivation to keep struggling through each day when I know that, if I'm lucky, I might feel "normal" again for a week, maybe two if I'm lucky If there's no permanent solution to my OCD then I don't know what to do. I don't know how to explain it but I can just feel it--the next time I hit this point in a spiral, I'm not coming back out of it

toriqueso4

Date posted: 3y

I understand I've felt like that, like my future is already doomed, I keep thinking about the future, that all my life is going to be like this, helpless, anxious and meaningless. I only cause myself to feel depressed and unmotivated, due to the fact that ocd make us feel like our life is always going to be bad. But if you focus on your present, you will understand that you're making good decisions with your life even if it feels like you're not. I found that doing good things for myself has helped me stay in the present moment. I know it's easier said than done, but that's when you start rediscovering yourself. This will help you understand you actually have a purpose and that even if your OCD makes you feel down, worthless or helpless, you actually have the power to revert that. I recommend walking, talking with friends, playing games or even reading has helped me feel better. Remind yourself if when you were a child, when we are kids we don't care about tomorrow, we just want to play and have fun. I like to think about it that way and it has helped me. I hope it helps you a little I'm no expert and I'm learning myself.. but I can guarantee you that it will all get better, it's ok to feel down, just remember to get back up and that you're powerful.

Crystal ball

Date posted: 3y

I love this!!!! Thank you for reminding me. Sometimes it’s hard to remember to stay in the present. But it’s totally true!!!

toriqueso4

Date posted: 3y

Remember to take it one day at a time, there's going to be good days and bad days. I totally relate to feeling stuck. But when you leat expect it, you will overcome this condition and learn to control it and not control you. You're here sharing your emotions and feelings. That's a good start. That's why they create NOCD. It's not easy but you are very strong!

bjornkatt

Date posted: 3y

Taking smaller steps is something I've found to be useful. How do you take it one day at a time when the day feel so helpless and like a preview of what the rest of your life will be? I know it's possible and I want to do it, I genuinely don't know how though

redmuse22

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@bjornkatt If a day is too much, just focus on making it hour by hour. Its easier said than done, but as you said, smaller steps is very useful. What's a small nice thing you can do for yourself? Take a shower? Splash water on your face? Eat your favorite snack? And remember, the future is uncertain. Maybe the next day will be bad. But maybe it could be BETTER! Ymmv but remembering that everything is temporary helps me immensely on my worst days. This feeling of awfulness feels so big and inescapable when you are stuck in it, but when you are out of that moment, you'll wonder why it felt so insurmountable.

bjornkatt

Date posted: 3y

@redmuse22 - Taking a hot shower and cuddling up with my cat to watch some YouTube helped some. If I can't stop the intrusive thoughts, I can at least make my physical surroundings comfortable

Nica

Date posted: 3y

Are you doing any type of therapy? Usually you go with a trauma specialist for your PTSD, then jump into OCD therapy.

Anonymous

User type: Staff

Date posted: 3y

I think it is so important to take it day by day- moment by moment if you need to, just keep going forward. Mental illness is hard but we are harder. OCD can get to a place where it is very manageable and many people live in recovery. Are you doing ERP?

MadCity

Date posted: 3y

You are not alone

letsgetbette...

Date posted: 18w

Bad spiral

I’m struggling so much in such a state, I’m in a constant loosing battle, I’m bent over crying after self harming because I hate my ocd and how it makes me behave and the way all I ever do is make it worse. I have severe responsibility ocd. I feel so broken I’ve been stuck with this for so long and I’ve spelt my entire adult life like this. I don’t want to be too depressing but I just feel so low and so guilty and so anxious because of the compulsions it makes me do. It’s endless and I’m so so tired

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Feel lost and without hope

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 13w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

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I Don't Know How Many More Times I Can Do This

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