OCD is making me feel the need to confess to my girlfriend things I’ve said in the past (from long ago to within recent years) that were racist. We are an interracial couple, she’s a black woman and I am white. I’m deeply ashamed of the ignorant and racist things I’ve done/said/thought in the past and present and OCD is making me feel the need to confess. Telling me if I don’t tell her then I am deceiving her and being a fraud as she doesn’t know about these things and that she deserves to know what kind of person she’s dating. I know this is inappropriate not only as confession is an OCD compulsion for me, but more importantly burdening minorities with confessions like this is wrong and I wouldn’t want to do that to my girlfriend just to lessen my guilt. I’m not certain what to do because I don’t feel like I’m a good enough person to date her. Looking for guidance in this situation, I’d hate to mess up the most cherished and healthy relationship I’ve ever been in. I know that while I do have OCD, some of the guilt I’m feeling is normal and appropriate for my past behavior and mistakes.

I think this would be a good topic to explore with your therapist if they are racially sensitive/knowledgeable. I can only speak from my perspective of being white+growing up in a conservative/racist area that took a long time to unlearn (and still doing so!). My first thought would be have the conversation but not multiple times and without listing ever single bad thing (that seems like it would veer into confession territory). Something like "I did some racist and ignorant things before I knew better. I'm actively working to do better and not be that person anymore." Maybe? Acknowledging what happened and affirming that you are moving away from those behaviors without making it a white person making the guilt about racism be a burden for a Black person. I still don't have that lived experience ofc so if anyone does want to spend they energy on the topic to offer suggestions to you or corrections to my post, thank you in advance for taking that time. From the OCD side, I do think it sounds like its a topic it's latched onto with the need to confess as you mentioned. I had a talk with my therapist about ROCD yesterday, and she more or less said having conversations once or even twice is ok (and follow ups if its initiated by your partner) but it's when you want to do it over and over to either seek reassurance, relieve guilt, or chase certainty that that's when its acting on compulsions. Best of luck. Recognizing a problem and wanting to know how to work on resolving it puts you ahead of most people. Its a sensitive and hard topic to navigate, but I believe you can do it.

Confess to God your past comments and forgive yourself because you have changed. Don’t burden your girlfriend because you no longer think that way.

we all should be treated the same if you would apologize or confess to the same color as you why not apologize or confess to other colors of people ?? Just trying to understand legitimately confused why those would be burdens to “minorities” only. 🤔