Yesterday was such a hard day. My husband wants kids and I don’t. I gave him the opportunity to walk away before we got together because I knew he wanted them, and he told me he was okay. We got married almost 6 months ago and he asked me yesterday about a surrogate. I feel so depressed and just don’t even know what to do with myself. He seems fine and he says he will always want them and yes he might grow a resentment. I just feel like crap. I don’t know if anyone can relate to this. I feel insecure as a woman and a wife, just hopeless.

By him suggesting a surrogate, it sounds like he's not understanding that it's not carrying a child u have issue with, but having children in general is what you don't want

I can’t tell you how much this means to me. Thank you. He has admitted to hoping I’d change my mind. I checked so many times with him before we got married, and now it has come out multiple times since. It just makes me think,”is this how my life is going to be? Waiting for my own husband to start resenting me?” My anxiety was at a 10 yesterday and of course I saw a bunch of pregnant people after this all happened. I feel like I was getting hit left and right.

@StillHoldingOn I feel like I’m the outcast. Like it is strange for a woman to not want kids. I can’t explain how bad it makes me feel about myself. I am always questioned and told I’ll change my mind. I just hate it.

@KayceeM It's not strange to be a couple without kids. One of the happiest and healthiest relationships I know is a couple who decided to only own small animals (like rabbits and hamsters) and never have kids. They enjoy going on trips together and only have to worry about someone feeding the animals while they're gone. They both are able to pursue their passions and enjoy each other's company without kids. I'd definitely try couples therapy to see if it would help

@KayceeM I'm so sorry Kaycee. I hate that youve been made to feel this way. You're certainly not a bad person for not wanting children. There is nothing wrong with that. Lots of very kind and loving people go without children. I know a couple at my church who don't have kids and they are just lovely. They make everyone feel welcome and they are so helpful. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't see their faces each time I go bc I have such anxiety around people in general. This is your choice and it's perfectly alright. People are crossing boundaries and behaving inappropriately when they force their views on others

@Nothing Thank you so much. We’ve done marriage counseling and we aren’t in it anymore. Our own counselor told me to let it go and stop questioning if he is okay with it because he has said he is. And now here we are you know.

@StillHoldingOn Thank you so much. I appreciate you. My husband tells me all my reasons are wrong. I feel like I am in constant defense mode. I literally envision a separation or divorce and it’s terrible. He would never divorce me, but I feel stuck and I feel like I was incredibly irresponsible and selfish for going into this knowing he wanted children and would never have them because of me. He reassures me he doesn’t want anyone else, but when he says he will always want children and may grow a resentment, I don’t know what I am waiting for. I made a promise, I take the vows seriously. It is really sad to be in this place.

@KayceeM If you don't want children, then you don't want children. You made it clear before getting married. You're not irresponsible or selfish for getting into this marriage knowing he wanted children because you made it clear before. Maybe he is the selfish one in this aspect for going into this marriage knowing that you don't want children and then expecting you to want them at some point. Please, I beg you, don't have children if you don't want to. Don't let anyone pressure you into having children, regardless of how they feel. Your feelings matter. It is completely acceptable for a woman to not want kids ❤ it's your body after all.