Yesterday was such a hard day. My husband wants kids and I don’t. I gave him the opportunity to walk away before we got together because I knew he wanted them, and he told me he was okay. We got married almost 6 months ago and he asked me yesterday about a surrogate. I feel so depressed and just don’t even know what to do with myself. He seems fine and he says he will always want them and yes he might grow a resentment. I just feel like crap. I don’t know if anyone can relate to this. I feel insecure as a woman and a wife, just hopeless.

(22F) Broke up with my ex. Didn’t know what ROCD was at the time. He has moved on with someone new. The depression and regret has gotten really bad as of lately, and I don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I kind of want to be single forever, though my heart yearns for connection. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and parent with someone I love one day. It’s not worth it if my mind is this way. I’m working with a NOCD therapist soon. If someone has a story similar I would love to hear, I’m really struggling. Thank you so much.

My boyfriend just poured his heart out to me. He told me how much pain he’s in — how disconnected he feels from me, how hurt he is that we’re not intimate, that I don’t react to his love, that we don’t feel like a couple anymore. He said things that should’ve broken my heart… but I felt nothing. Nothing. And now I’m terrified. Not just scared — destroyed by the thought that maybe I really don’t love him, and I’ve just been lying to myself this entire time. I keep thinking: “If I loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?” “Why didn’t I cry? Why didn’t I reach for him? Why didn’t I say ‘I’m sorry’?” “What kind of person listens to someone they care about and feels absolutely nothing?” I feel like I’ve been fighting this for so long — like I’ve spent months, maybe even years, battling the same thoughts over and over again: “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “You want to want him — but you don’t.” And what makes it worse is that everyone around me says the same thing: “Maybe you’re forcing it.” “You can’t control how you feel.” “If you’re this confused, that means something.” But what no one seems to understand is that I’ve tried so hard. I didn’t want this. I didn’t choose to become cold. I didn’t choose to stop feeling things. I didn’t want to lose my ability to love — or to connect — or to just exist next to him without questioning every single breath I take. I feel like I’ve become someone else. Someone who doesn’t react. Someone who doesn’t smile when he’s kind. Someone who doesn’t feel warmth when he says “I love you.” But this isn’t who I was. There was a time when I loved hearing his voice. When I looked forward to seeing him. When I felt. And now… nothing. Just this endless cycle of doubt, guilt, numbness, fear, and the horrible thought: “If it feels this real, maybe it is.” I don’t know what this is anymore. I feel like I’m hurting him. And I feel like I’m losing myself, too. And the most terrifying part? I don’t feel anything about that either. But if I truly didn’t care — why does this hurt so much? If anyone else has ever felt like this… please, please tell me I’m not alone. I don’t want this to be the truth. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this.

I honestly just need to vent. I am feeling so defeated. My wedding is coming up in about a month and I am not even excited about it. Which automatically makes me feel like a horrible person. But I’m just in this state of depression and anxiety probably because the wedding is getting closer and closer and my ROCD is flaring up so bad during this time and it’s just not making what’s supposed to be the happiest time of my life very enjoyable. My fiance is amazing this has absolutely nothing to do with him. He also is working A TON of hours so I barely see him throughout the week. I feel just very alone and sad during a time I should be extremely happy and I just guess I want someone who understands to tell me I’ll be okay and make it through this.