K-M
- Date posted
- 3y
Bd2Bd2
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m sorry about that. Praying for y’all. It seems like he changed his mind. Which doesn’t seem right but he is allowed to feel that way.
StillHoldingOnStillHoldingOn
- Date posted
- 3y
That sounds really hard. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. This sounds like something you may need to go over in couples counseling if you haven't already. It sounds like you gave him ample opportunity to walk away. It seems like he didn't understand that you are fully resolved on this matter and it's not something you're going to change your mind about. Oftentimes people will go into a relationship expecting the other person to change, but it doesn't usually happen that way.
StillHoldingOnStillHoldingOn
- Date posted
- 3y
By him suggesting a surrogate, it sounds like he's not understanding that it's not carrying a child u have issue with, but having children in general is what you don't want
K-MK-M
- Date posted
- 3y
I can’t tell you how much this means to me. Thank you. He has admitted to hoping I’d change my mind. I checked so many times with him before we got married, and now it has come out multiple times since. It just makes me think,”is this how my life is going to be? Waiting for my own husband to start resenting me?” My anxiety was at a 10 yesterday and of course I saw a bunch of pregnant people after this all happened. I feel like I was getting hit left and right.
K-MK-M
- Date posted
- 3y
@StillHoldingOn I feel like I’m the outcast. Like it is strange for a woman to not want kids. I can’t explain how bad it makes me feel about myself. I am always questioned and told I’ll change my mind. I just hate it.
Nothing Nothing
- Date posted
- 3y
@KayceeM It's not strange to be a couple without kids. One of the happiest and healthiest relationships I know is a couple who decided to only own small animals (like rabbits and hamsters) and never have kids. They enjoy going on trips together and only have to worry about someone feeding the animals while they're gone. They both are able to pursue their passions and enjoy each other's company without kids. I'd definitely try couples therapy to see if it would help
StillHoldingOnStillHoldingOn
- Date posted
- 3y
@KayceeM I'm so sorry Kaycee. I hate that youve been made to feel this way. You're certainly not a bad person for not wanting children. There is nothing wrong with that. Lots of very kind and loving people go without children. I know a couple at my church who don't have kids and they are just lovely. They make everyone feel welcome and they are so helpful. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't see their faces each time I go bc I have such anxiety around people in general. This is your choice and it's perfectly alright. People are crossing boundaries and behaving inappropriately when they force their views on others
K-MK-M
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nothing Thank you so much. We’ve done marriage counseling and we aren’t in it anymore. Our own counselor told me to let it go and stop questioning if he is okay with it because he has said he is. And now here we are you know.
K-MK-M
- Date posted
- 3y
@StillHoldingOn Thank you so much. I appreciate you. My husband tells me all my reasons are wrong. I feel like I am in constant defense mode. I literally envision a separation or divorce and it’s terrible. He would never divorce me, but I feel stuck and I feel like I was incredibly irresponsible and selfish for going into this knowing he wanted children and would never have them because of me. He reassures me he doesn’t want anyone else, but when he says he will always want children and may grow a resentment, I don’t know what I am waiting for. I made a promise, I take the vows seriously. It is really sad to be in this place.
CheetahvionicCheetahvionic
- Date posted
- 3y
@KayceeM If you don't want children, then you don't want children. You made it clear before getting married. You're not irresponsible or selfish for getting into this marriage knowing he wanted children because you made it clear before. Maybe he is the selfish one in this aspect for going into this marriage knowing that you don't want children and then expecting you to want them at some point. Please, I beg you, don't have children if you don't want to. Don't let anyone pressure you into having children, regardless of how they feel. Your feelings matter. It is completely acceptable for a woman to not want kids ❤ it's your body after all.
redmuse22redmuse22
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
As a new(ish) mom--You don't need to justify why you don't want kids and your partner trying to go against your wishes with a surrogate is just plain shitty. You don't need a good reason to justify not wanting kids. It's a pretty permanent thing. You cant just take them back to the store and I don't think your husband should have agreed to marry you if he wants kids that badly. Plenty of people--especially women--have fulfilling lives without children and its not a strange thing.
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- Date posted
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- Date posted
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clair_m88
- Date posted
- 15w
ROCD and house chores
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