- Date posted
- 3y
Grief and OCD
Anyone else grieving a lost childhood due to OCD? Also grieving missed opportunities in college.
Anyone else grieving a lost childhood due to OCD? Also grieving missed opportunities in college.
Sure, for a bit. But if you grieve too long over something that can’t be changed, then the grief can become a victimhood mindset.
Big time, but for me it was my 20's. I'm 29 now. I had a very social time as a teenager, but my OCD flared up hard when I was around 17-19 and I couldn't do anything the same way. I feel pretty stunted by this illness. I feel like my living situation is still the exact same as when I was 17 in terms of my mom supporting me, not having a job, not knowing how to do adult things like taxes and whatever, still living at home. I often worry that I missed out on a lot and if I'm too old to do things, but that's a silly way for me to be. It's never too late to give your dreams a shot. Also, a bit silly, but something I hold onto: scientists have been able reverse aging in mice. So any time that was lost to OCD might not be as important if we all end up living longer with science. I may be nearly 30, but that doesn't mean my life is over. That doesn't mean that there aren't fun times to be had. I don't know what the future brings, but there is more out there for us to experience
This is great. Very encouraging. I am about the same age - turning 29 later this month. I haven’t had the luxury of not having to do adult things since I lost my mom when I was 22. My life was completely wrecked. But I feel like it is slowly being put back together. Thanks for the encouragement. :) it isn’t too late to not pursue your dreams like you said.
@Flamewheel I'm sorry to hear that about your mom. I'm glad things are slowly getting better though
I like to think that at least with what I’ve been going through all my life with OCD, I can eventually become an advocate and help others learn about OCD where I feel my network (including medical professionals, etc.) failed to see the red flags of my OCD. I want to tap into my purpose through pain, to help others! It’s also made me a much more empathetic person than I would have been if I never had OCD, so it makes me a more valuable mentor in my community. I like to see it that way. To grieve but also to not let it hold me down but rather to energize my “why” of why I want to work on recovery. :-)
Yes, but I grief this recent years of my life, what helps me is this phrase that Thanos said in the movie hahaha "As long as there are those that remember what was, there will always be those, that are unable to accept what can be. They will resist" Let's focus on what we have not in what we lost 💖
It’s nothing like the grief I felt over losing my mom. But I do think it’s healthy to feel the feelings, then move on.
Yes I was diagnosed at 7. I didn’t want to go trick or treating for years since I was scared I would be poisoned.
17f Just like the title says. I came to realization that I lost a whole year of life. I remembered my real event in the end of january of 2024. Since then my life has been a living hell. Also kinda made a couple new smaller events through this year. And I know I deserve it cause my event was actually bad. Even people without ocd on reddit agree it was bad. It's still ocd, but I deserve it probably. For this whole year I haven't had a day when I wouldn't think of it. It became my default state to constantly have it on my mind. I walked around, pretended to have fun, talked to people. Most of the time I wasn't really there, I was thinking about my event. My event haunts me when I'm awake, when I'm asleep. I spend this whole year either freaking out, being depressed, thinking on methods to off myself, ruminating, seeking reassurance or trying to distract myself with books, TV shows, social media or daydreaming. Literally barely engaged with reality. So it's so hard to believe a whole year passed... I can barely remember anything that happened during this year. I can't believe this is my life. Probably doesn't really matter cause I don't plan on staying there that long. There is no way I'm going to experience piece with myself. So I will be out in a year or so, since my plan requires some time. Finally will end it all. It just feels very weird. A whole year passed. I was so deep down in my head I didn't even notice. It's scary.
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
Does anyone deal with rumination with their childhood past mistakes. Deep down I know I didn’t know any better but then I start having thoughts and it gets worse after that. I also recently have dealt with death in the family, started my period, started college and just moved to my own apartment this last month. :-/ I genuinely just wish I could let go of my past I feel like I could be a better person for myself mentally if I could just let it go.
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