- Date posted
- 3y
Grief and OCD
Anyone else grieving a lost childhood due to OCD? Also grieving missed opportunities in college.
Anyone else grieving a lost childhood due to OCD? Also grieving missed opportunities in college.
Sure, for a bit. But if you grieve too long over something that can’t be changed, then the grief can become a victimhood mindset.
Big time, but for me it was my 20's. I'm 29 now. I had a very social time as a teenager, but my OCD flared up hard when I was around 17-19 and I couldn't do anything the same way. I feel pretty stunted by this illness. I feel like my living situation is still the exact same as when I was 17 in terms of my mom supporting me, not having a job, not knowing how to do adult things like taxes and whatever, still living at home. I often worry that I missed out on a lot and if I'm too old to do things, but that's a silly way for me to be. It's never too late to give your dreams a shot. Also, a bit silly, but something I hold onto: scientists have been able reverse aging in mice. So any time that was lost to OCD might not be as important if we all end up living longer with science. I may be nearly 30, but that doesn't mean my life is over. That doesn't mean that there aren't fun times to be had. I don't know what the future brings, but there is more out there for us to experience
This is great. Very encouraging. I am about the same age - turning 29 later this month. I haven’t had the luxury of not having to do adult things since I lost my mom when I was 22. My life was completely wrecked. But I feel like it is slowly being put back together. Thanks for the encouragement. :) it isn’t too late to not pursue your dreams like you said.
@Flamewheel I'm sorry to hear that about your mom. I'm glad things are slowly getting better though
Yes, but I grief this recent years of my life, what helps me is this phrase that Thanos said in the movie hahaha "As long as there are those that remember what was, there will always be those, that are unable to accept what can be. They will resist" Let's focus on what we have not in what we lost 💖
It’s nothing like the grief I felt over losing my mom. But I do think it’s healthy to feel the feelings, then move on.
Yes I was diagnosed at 7. I didn’t want to go trick or treating for years since I was scared I would be poisoned.
I had avoided a lot with school specifically, but I did do it in other areas of life as well. School for some reason has been the biggest trigger that sends me into avoidance and it has been for the longest time. Does anybody relate? If so, what did you do to help besides therapy? In high school I used to sit in the bathroom stalls for hours so I could avoid going to classes. I was struggling to keep up because my OCD makes me perfect my school work so much so to the point where I’d never turn it in because I’d never be satisfied with what I’d produce. I’d get so incredibly frustrated with myself and the fact that I could never meet my own standards, never mind the rubrics given. I took ages analyzing all my writing, all my answers, all my google slides and I burnt myself out. So I stopped trying. I stopped turning in work because I’d never be satisfied. I’d cry because I felt I wasn’t good enough. Then I’d be missing assignments, getting them done but not submitting them because I was too ashamed. So, I avoided classes because I’d be in trouble or be called out for not getting anything done. Unfortunately this habit bled into my first year of college last year, and OCD coupled up with depression, made going to the dining hall and attending classes even worse. So I avoided it all together. It’s so hard being a freshman in college, so so hard. I unfortunately failed out of that school but I tried to medically withdraw either semester. No, I wasn’t partying, or drinking or smoking or hanging with the wrong people. I was a college freshman struggling with ocd and depression. I’m trying to not make excuses for myself either because I’m well aware this is my fault and I’m trying to reverse it now at community college. Right now I’m trying to get those Fs turned into Ws from my old school so I can fix my gpa. I want to transfer, I want to be a forensic psychologist, I want to be independent, I want to be ok. It’s gonna take me so long to transfer from community college but that’s on me. I’m willing to put in the work. I’m so embarassed, please help me.
Hey fellow OCD warriors! Wanted to ask if anyone else’s OCD tends to latch onto change and catastrophize with all kinds of worst-case scenarios. There’s a lot going on in my life, and even though they are all exciting things that I truly want and am happy about, I’ve had moments of deep fear at so much change happening and even a sadness that I can only think is a kind of grief of entering a new stage of life/a new me and leaving the old one behind. I am in my mid-20s and a lot of this centers around nostalgia and fear and intrusive thoughts of changes like my parents getting older, myself aging, friendships growing apart leading to loneliness, etc. I know I need to treat it as any other OCD flare-up and do ERP, but it also feels different than other OCD themes because I feel blue and like existentially sad. Even as a young kid, I always hated change and the thought of growing up (even if exciting things were happening) - like I cried when I turned 10 because I was leaving the single digits behind forever! 🤦♀️ I feel like I’m preemptively mourning things like losing my parents or my health even though I am healthy and my parents are too. I don’t want to waste the time I have ruminating about the future. I haven’t heard this kind of theme mentioned a lot so just wanted to see if any others could relate.
I honestly don’t know how I’ve made it this far in my life. OCD has had its claws in me since I was 7. I used to lay in bed and tell myself over and over “it’ll be gone when I’m older, it’ll be better” but it just got worse with age. I’m 25 now and I’ve lost so many years to this. Or to pretending to be someone else in order to avoid it all. I can’t say or do one thing without analyzing it to death. Everything is black and white when it comes to me and my own morality. I overcompensate by allowing everyone else around me to be gray. I don’t allow myself that same grace. I try, everyday. Sometimes I sit and look back on my life and just wonder why. And how. I carry every mistake I’ve made with me from day to day. It rules me, it owns me, and it chips away at the person I could have been without ocd. I mourn myself.
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