I don’t know what to do

I really need help. This isn’t ocd related but I don’t know what to do and I have no one to go to. I think my mom is verbally abusive and I don’t know if I’m overthinking because I’m told all the time I overthink things but I can’t calm down. My mom has treated me horrible my whole life she doesn’t pay attention when I tell her things I’m excited about, she dismisses my feelings or when I’m upset and makes me feel like I’m a problem or that I don’t matter and that her problems are always worse than mine. She has threatened to hit me many times throughout my life but never has except for once when I was little I had a horrible headache and was crying from the pain in my room and we had company and she came in and hit me and told me to shut up that I’m worrying the company. She’s called me so many horrible names and just did today. We were playing cards and listening to music with my grandma and when I made a music suggestion she had a strong opinion about a singer that she has also listened to and when I got irritated about it she stopped playing and said I was a “little bitc*” said “another holiday ruined” and made a comment about my friends at work and that I treat them some way is why I lost them or whatever and she’s always called me much worse. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and I want to escape so badly but I can’t I have no where to go. I’m 23 and live with my mom and grandma. I can’t afford to move out and if I did I would have to live in my car. I’m so scared and upset. I hate myself. I wish I could just give up and I’m scared if I do that than it’s going to get much worse for me but at this point I don’t care. I have no one who loves me or cares about me and I definitely don’t have my mom because if it were any one else she would be so kind to them and treat them so nice if they were going through a hard time because I’ve heard her do that for many people but in real life when no one is listening and I tell her what is going on and why I’m upset she yells and screams at me saying I’m a ungrateful bitc* and that there’s nothing I could possibly be stressed about and many other things. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I could be free

Username: LuckyfishLuckyfish

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m so so sorry you’re dealing with this— no one deserves to have their feelings invalidated and it hurts so much to have that come from a loved one. Your feelings are real and valid. I know you’re feeling scared and lonely but I can tell that you are an amazing person who deserves so much better than this— and I, as well as everyone else in this community, care about you and are here to listen every step of the way!

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you 🥺

Username: redmuse22redmuse22

Date posted: 2y ago

Your feelings are real. Your mom is being cruel and abusive. I'm sorry, you don't deserve that. I know internet friends aren't the "same" but I want you to know I care. I'm sure many other people will also read this post and care. Re: your dad--maybe you will reach a point where you can forgive your mom. Maybe you won't. Thats your own journey. Its hard to feel like you are going against the wishes of a family member who has passed on, but if your dad defended you in life, I'm sure he doesn't want you to be suffering.

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

He wouldn’t want that. He knows how she’s treated me and I felt like he understood better than anyone. I really miss my dad. It’s times like these that I wish I could talk to him. But anyways I understand what you mean. I don’t really have anyone in my life anymore I can’t vent or get advice from without being dismissed. So I come on here because this is a safe place where people can vent and get things out without being judged and I appreciate that. Maybe one day I can get out and be free in the meantime I just have to deal with it. Thank you for your help

Username: JR2JR2

Date posted: 2y ago

Does your grandma do anything about it?

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Nope. She usually gets treated like that sometimes too but she doesn’t defend me much at all. Before my dad passed he would try but she would just take it out on him at that point. He even told me before he passed to forgive her and I don’t know if I can. It hurts a lot

Username: toriqueso4toriqueso4

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m so so sorry about this situation you’ve dealt with all your life, don’t give up. Find a way to save money and move out… you can’t heal in the environment you got sick. You’re powerful, strong and worth so much. Remember you’re not alone! I’m here if you need anything! Blessings and love ❤️

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

That really hit me hard. You’re right. I can’t heal here. I feel so trapped and stuck in a place I don’t want to be in and I feel ungrateful and guilty when I say things like that because I feel like I have it easier than others and my story is not too much to worry about. I would never wish anyone to feel the way I have felt over these last few years. Maybe one day things will get better. I don’t know but it seems like just when things go right, a million things go wrong and it’s very discouraging. Thank you for understanding. I appreciate it 🙏🏻

Username: c444tmommy

Date posted: 4y ago

tw // abuse i don’t exactly know if this is related to ocd, it might be but anyway if you’re a victim of emotional abuse, do u ever find ur self making up excuses like “it’s not even that bad, it was a long time ago it doesn’t matter, people have it worse than i do, am i even being emotionally abused”? im dealing with narcissist abuse from my mother and i have been for most of my life and my mind keeps telling me that i’m making all of it up and it’s not as bad as it seems. it even feels wrong calling it abuse. i told my therapist this and she reassured me that this IS abuse and that self doubt and confusion is common but idk why i cant allow my self to accept it. i plan on moving out bc of this reason, but again my mind will tell me “u don’t have a strong enough reason to move out, ur being so dramatic” ugh this is the worst feeling

Username: alexS&S

Date posted: 2y ago

I don’t think anyone will read this. I’ve never posted before, but felt that i just had to let this out. I don’t have anyone to talk to. My mother barged into my room whilst I was about to take a shower. I told her I wasn’t dressed, and to come back at another time, but she ignored me. “I’ll keep my eyes shut I promise” she said, I insisted again for her to leave. Then she looked, laughing. She looked on purpose. This seems really small, I understand that. But it isn’t to me. It was really triggering. As someone who was sexually abused as a child, and having experienced my boundaries pushed & crossed in relationships throughout my early teens: I’ve always felt that my voice doesn’t matter. That my body can be treated however, and I have no say or power to change that. That I’m not worthy of respect, clearly. My mom doesn’t know about the sexual abuse I experienced 12 years ago, but she should know how to show basic decency. Why doesn’t she respect me? What did i do to be treated like this, along with the other cruel things she’s done to me. Yelling, throwing things, biting me, leaving bruises and scratches. When i’ve been the only one there for her to rely on during her mental health struggles, how could she tell me i’m “just too difficult to love”? I don’t think I’ll ever know. I feel weak for saying this, but this incident has lead me to relapse in sh and that has made me feel worse. I’ve been clean for ages. I feel really terrible right now, but it felt good to let this out. Again, I don’t know if anyone will read this but, if someone has gotten this far: I want you to know I love you. You are worthy of respect. You are not a doormat. You are not weak. And you are going to prove them wrong, every single person who doubts or disrespects you. Because you are way more remarkable than you have ever thought.

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I need help

My niece was having an attitude with me and I told her to stop having an attitude my mom defended her and snapped at me when my niece was in the wrong (she’s 11 and has a horrible attitude with me all the time) and I tried to defend myself and my mom threatened to pull over and slap me in my face and I said whatever to show I wasn’t afraid and then she said it again that she would slap me dead in the face and it’s not the only time she’s threatened me like that. She’s threatened to hit me many times before growing up. She also treats me like I’m nothing and shows no care for me whatsoever and makes me feel unloved and like a burden when it comes to my niece she’s perfect and gets whatever she wants and validation. I get threatened and yelled at. I’m 23 but I’m on vacation with them and I can’t escape. I’m now crying in the car trying to be quiet. I just really need help. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I feel like giving up because why should I even be here if my mom doesn’t care about me or love me. I don’t even know if this would even be considered abuse or not 💔

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