Existential?

For the last few weeks I’ve been having terrifying thoughts when out in public, especially in busy crowds. Fixating on humans around me and how we exist, and then I start to think about how we all are skeletons/bones/have all these organs, and it is so scary. And then everyone looks so creepy and alien-like almost. And then how no one feels real and how and their limbs look too big for their bodies, etc And it makes me feel INSANE. I’m convinced something is terribly wrong with my brain. Has anyone ever experienced these type of scary thoughts?

Iouis

Date posted: 2y ago

Sometimes I tell myself that I can recognize this because maybe I am just an intelligent and aware person who can comprehend and face the harsh nature of reality. Something that many people are lucky enough to be ignorant of.

intdriv

Date posted: 2y ago

that's an interesting way to analyze why we have that, but actually it's just the disorder of our brains. And I also have the obsession of figuring out why I have these thoughts, and maybe I can find a solution to such thoughts and feelings. An obsession of finding a miraculous cure to my condition, and this is where my religious obsessions come in. I have to keep telling myself it's a disorder of the brain, and ocd tries to keep convincing me that it's not, and I need to figure out the reason and purpose why I have this.

Kryss

Date posted: 2y ago

Absolutely. I find it particularly hard when my thought loops are so intense that I disassociate/struggle with derealization and sort of fixate on my OWN body as if I’m not actually in it? If that makes any sense? You are absolutely not alone in this and it very much is nothing more than OCD/anxiety. I know it’s so so simple for our brains to shove us down a path of thinking it’s something MORE and something must be severely wrong but I assure you, that in itself is just anxiety trying to grip it’s nasty little fingers a little deeper. Sit with the uncomfortable feelings and watch them disparate as you accept that yeah, it is kind of INSANE that we are just all humans trying to make it through this complicated world in our physical bodies. In fact, it is actually so much more complicated than we even know and unfortunately as humans we want to understand everything and leave no room for curiosity or unknown. I think that’s what makes compulsions like this even harder. Because unless we get a concrete answer, we don’t feel comfortable and the reality is that we will never understand the complexity of what it means to be alive! Anxiety and OCD latch onto things that are tough to explain or make no sense on purpose but just remember that you are stronger than the voice and narrative inside your head and you hold the ability to sit with an uncomfortable thought until it passes ❤️

Cavour2

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

This is a great post. I’m actually feeling decent today but this is helpful

brooke99

Date posted: 2y ago

I get those exact thoughts about being inside my body! And then I start to panic thinking about my own limbs, organs, brains, the fact that thinking itself is even happening, and it puts me into a panic mode lol. I’ve been having severe depersonalization and Derealization all the time, because I’m so scared. And now I’m having Intrusive thoughts after movements and then analyzing if that was actually me moving my body. It is horrific This was so helpful. THANK YOU ❤️❤️ I appreciate this so much

brooke99

Date posted: 2y ago

@Stepping Stone 💎 Right?!! Looking in the mirror is absolutely horrifying! It feels like I don’t exist 24/7

intdriv

Date posted: 2y ago

You bet! It's common with Existential themed ocd and usually for me such thoughts increase with Depersonalization /Derealization.

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y ago

Yes. My brain goes into weird places like that sometimes. It’s just your OCD obsessing. I used to have obsessive existential OCD about “where am I” and that I couldn’t believe I was in certain places sometimes and the world seemed so big. It’s hard to explain. It was like I had OCD about geography and being in certain places. It made traveling or leaving home hard at times. I would sometimes overthink about being in a car and knowing I was in a vehicle going fast with groud underneath me. Somehow I overcame it but my OCD has picked up new themes. Haha. Honestly you just have to laugh. I think most humans actually have rhese thoughts too because I ask my friends without OCD if they ever have off the wall thoughts and they ALL say yes. They even explain them and it sounds exactly like what we talk about on here. But they just let it go. The problem is how we react to our thoughts. OCD is a b%^*. But you are stronger than it and you just almost have to learn to laugh at it and make fun of it. Remember it’s a little bully. It doesn’t define you ❤️

brooke99

Date posted: 2y ago

I totally relate to you about the vehicle thing!!! I get those thoughts all the time and it just feels like every “normal” Thing is SOOO overwhelming. I’m so glad you can relate, and I hope things get better for you with your other themes ❤️❤️ Thank you so much for this, I appreciate it!

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

I'm fearing myself and I hate it

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"

catnipppp

Date posted: 15w ago

existential crisis

Really bad theme right now is death, I keep thinking about how one day or at any moment my heart will stop my brain will stop & my memories & everything I know will all fade away. It is giving me so much anxiety I’m only 18, but I realize it all happens to us it is bound, we are born to die. I know it’s a silly thing to be scared because it’s not helping the quality of my life worrying about it and even when I do die, I won’t care , if you don’t have a working brain then how can you care 🤷‍♀️. It is tainting my everyday life currently & honestly making me terribly depressed & it is giving me derealization & making me feel nihilistic, I’ll remind myself it’s okay but then with my ocd i don’t stop thinking and thinking about it and it’s seriously so hard to stay present in the moment because this thought just feels like I can’t scrub it away it’s miserable I struggle with religion, but I do pray to anything that’s out there possibly listening, because it is comforting, it just feels like this whole experience Is pointless & I am afraid of the unknown and what is to possibly happen but I’m subjected to it anyways so why should it matter

Ragnarking18

Date posted: 11w ago

Substance movie

So I watched this movie now I have intrusive thoughts about deformed body parts it's awful. I was thinking how awesome our body's are how it's constructed. Then I had an intrusive thought what if ur privates were on ur arm, leg or face and I've jus been depressed because who has these thoughts other than psychos

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