i get online and look up ocd doctors and ocd therapists that are in tennessee and accept tenncare which is none but all these facilities seem amazing i was reading bout volunteer behavioural health they had all these programs and care for you individualized plans and case manager then i realized its called cumberland mental health here in crossville tennessee and was like that is not wat that place is they made up my plan which was seeing the doctor and prescribed me tlk therapy even though any research will show them thats not for ocd and when i explained to the doctor bout my experience wit the therapist there many years ago that i wlk into the office and sat down and the therapist told me there not allowed to ask bout personal life anymore all they can do is give you resources to help you and she asked me if i new wat deep breathing is which i told her i did and she was like wat is it then as if she didnt belive me so i told her its were you breath in threw nose fully hold it and breath out slowly and then she told me to do it and i did and when i told the doctor this she told me thats bout the help id still receive if i did the tlk therapy there now like are you serious i had also read they do telehealth which was the reaosn i started going my first appointment was on zoom but then was told to come into the office which i told them i struggled wit leaving the house i asked my doctor if i could do it on zoom at my house and she told me i had to come into the office every month i think so i went in i was late they were gonna rescedule when i told them no i asked for the latest appointemnt and they woudnt change it so id show up as soon as i could they squeezed me in and they wlk me to a tiny room to see the doctor on a fucking computer i was like this is rediculous this doctor who has no agorophobia issues has been to college and has a nice job gets to sit at her house in her regular clothes all comfy while i barely made it here i did my intake appointemtn on zoom but now i gotta come in thats insane everything online mentioning tellehealth was a lie along wit everything else also my case manager used to wokr at the factory my bf works at and had no idea wat ocd was i told her some of my issues and 1 of them was i cant eat certain foods and eat at certain resteraunts and she was like thats crazy is it a gag issue like no its a mental health issue if i had stomach issues id go to a doctor i also cant wear certain colors for the same reason wit the food thing this lady was suppose to help me when she has no idea wat ocd is and the horrible life ppl live and that its serious and very depressing for ppl to live wit i cant wash my own hair and can barely take care of myself and im 29 thats depressing itself i dont trust anythign i read online wit these places when they mention wat they offer cause they dont offer any of that i txt my case manager and told her please to get someone to teach ocd treatment there get someone that is trained in ocd to come there so ppl like me can get help there but im sure they just see me as someonewho doesnt want help like no they had nothing buyt an antidepressant to offer me every 30 days when im gonna need it the rest of my life also the pharmcay issues tehm not haveing my medication in and prior authorisation problems insurance proboems i swear its just all crazyness when it doesnt have to be it shouldnt be that hard to go get meds pick them up and go home.

I went in to a psychiatric hospital 2 days ago for help with OCD and the anxiety relating to it. I did this voluntarily because the anxiety was a lot. I ended up being bunked with drug addicts who talked about violent topics all day and it just made my OCD worse because the staff didn't care at all about anything but the people on drugs. I went in to get help and I feel like I was just treated like a prisoner and none of the people there were knowledgeable of OCD like their website claimed... I just needed to vent. It's been a long 2 days and I'm sick of "professionals" knowing absolutely nothing about OCD and how painful it can be...

And no one at the company will call and tell me why or how this was appropriate, nor did they follow through and make sure I have follow up care. (I dont have follow up care. I’m too afraid to trust a therapist again. My chart also shows I am severely depressed and anxious.) Instead they falsely charted there was follow up and closure and I only found this out because I REACHED OUT and a random customer service member told me: “Hi Tessa, one of our Member Advocates spoke with you first on Saturday, 5/31 around 10am PDT. After that call, the Member Advocate requested that one of our Clinical Managers reach out to you, in which Arlene (the Clinical Manager) had spoken with you that same day between 10:40am PDT and 11:20am PDT. Arlene had discussed your concerns regarding the therapist directly with you during that time and provided you with resources in your area that could be a better fit for your needs. As mentioned, we have reached out to Arlene again today, who has stated she will give you another call to address any additional concerns you may have regarding this situation.” Once I showed screenshots showing there was no second call from NOCD, and demonstrated that Arlene, who I have NEVER spoken to in my life had lied and falsely charted a resolution only continued to lie more and attempt (and fail) to cover it up by claiming she called me on her “personal clinician phone.” “Hi Tessa, we have coordinated with Arlene to obtain more information in regards to what occurred here. She indicated she had called from her personal clinician phone, which would come through as a blocked number on your end. However, for the call today, she is able to give you a call at 2pm PT and call from the main NOCD phone line, so you can expect the call from our (312) phone number. Will a call at 2pm PT work for you today?” After all this … NOCD negligently failed to reach out to me for a second time this last weekend after telling me: “We would be glad to accommodate that for you, and will have another Clinical Manager reach out to you today. Once we have a confirmed time that person will call you, we will send you an update to make sure you are informed of that call time.” No one followed up with a time. No one called. I had to go back into this anxiety riddled place to beg for a call. Still waiting on the call. Be careful. Don’t expect anyone to help you if you experience an issue. They cover for themselves. Having a therapy company that I trusted to treat me and care for me (for a very hefty price) call my family disgusting and attempt to gaslight me by telling me a story about Arlene that wasn’t based in reality, I.e., “Arlene (the Clinical Manager) had spoken with you that same day between 10:40am PDT and 11:20am PDT. Arlene had discussed your concerns regarding the therapist directly with you during that time and provided you with resources in your area that could be a better fit for your needs,” when that never happened is not something clinicians should be doing to people with mental health issues.

i am new to thinking about OCD - keep that in mind when reading. for a very long time without realizing it i obsessed over what mental health issues i had even though i wanted to stop and i never came across OCD. i think i eventually came to a subconscious decision to stop thinking about mental health issues after a very long time but it came back in an abusive relationship where i am pretty sure they have OCD even more severe than me. i think they misdiagnosed themselves with BPD and they are just very traumatized and have OCD about rejection and many other things but it could be both. they convinced me that i had BPD and i still do not know about that and i want to stop caring about that because my obvious OCD and PTSD are bigger problems. they intentionally hurt me a few times - this was because they convinced themselves that they had DID and everything they did was just another person doing that and i tried to help them resolve their mental health issues. this eventually worked as they now recognize that they did not have did and they are genuinely sorry and genuinely understand how damaging it was for them to hurt me and them have them be the only person that comforts me. it is extremely difficult to get comfort from other people except them and i am obsessed with trying to process emotions from repeated damage they have caused me over a 8 month lifespan. i was trying to say "its okay" to myself or tell myself that they truly didnt mean it afterwards and im attempting to stop that. the thoughts keep popping up. i was taking a long break where i only communicated to them through a mediator (my partner is now being very respectful) and i felt like i was truly healing but a few days ago i thought about if i have ocd or not and it made me realize that i was entirely dependent on them for comfort and i miss that love feeling i want nothing except that love feeling back without the abuse. this made me spiral horribly and i begged the mediator to let me talk to them and then i started talking to them for a few days, regardless of how understanding and kind they were they still made me feel like i need to puke because of how bad i felt for them and how much pain is associated with them. i started actually dissociating a few days ago which they did a lot. things feel blurry just like how they described. i think i needed to do it in order to talk to them for an extended period. i ended up helping them by telling them about ocd even though im tired of helping them through everything and having them rely on me i just wanted to give them the tools to feel good but it made me feel terrible because i always used to help them and then feel bad and it made me throw up after i wanted to take a break. i was healing and talking to them set me back really far - i learned a lot about how they feel about this and i learned a lot about why i do this in the first place but it hurts so much and i cant let myself talk to them again. i keep trying to process my ptsd when the memories come back and constant dissociation is making it harder i hope that ends soon. im worrying that im suppressing my emotions all of the time because they thought that was why they originally thought i was feeling bad and not the trauma. i am trying to seek a psychiatrist and therapy soon but i am reliant on my mom for that and i dont know what to do or if shes going to do something thats good for me. im excited to see the psychiatrist though. im 17. i am at the point now where i just want to stop having the highs and the lows and just be neutral all the time but its so hard to break out of these patterns. its really hard to sleep enough. genuinely any advice for any information i have provided would be appreciated no matter how small