Need Help Calming Down

@Scooterino Hello, and thank you :) I really appreciate you responding here in my time of need. And yeah I did deal with SO-OCD and unfortunately it outright got replaced by TOCD. Some of the issues I’m dealing with right now are rumination, and thinking about what outcomes would be like in my life if I was trans, and also the fear of being in denial, the typical rumination thing :/ I don’t think I want to be trans, the idea makes me scared but rumination and backdoor spikes make it feel so real. I have nothing against trans people and believe in trans rights, it’s just so scary to doubt this thing about myself really. I’m trying to acknowledge the thoughts as just thoughts and not place emotions behind them, but it’s hard because my brain likes to recall my difficulty understanding who I am, even though that never had to do with gender, and wanting to figure myself out more. So it uses that as ammunition too. What do you think are some ways I can cope with these feelings? Do I just let them flow, because it gets so hard not to chase answers and I really just want to feel like my old self again

@ishdh.2 As far as fighting rumination on "making a decision" about who I am, I find the phrase "I identify as nothing, my gender is nothing" really comforting. A lack of gender feels better than a gender I don't wish to express. As far as feelings go, I find meditation to either get out of my body or to ground myself, depending on how bad the sensation is or how depersonalized I feel to be really helpful

@Scooterino Thank you so much, this is actually insanely useful advice! I’m at that stage where I wonder if I’m “forcing the discomfort” due to denial but telling myself I don’t have to identify as anything helps so much. If you want any advice on how I dealt with my SO-OCD lemme know :) im just really thankful you’d do this all

@ishdh.2 I am happy to help! I'm sorry you are going through it- it's a rough one. I'm happy to talk to anyone anytime- I can give you my Twitter handle if you'd like, so we can chat more whenever! Like I said though: you are not alone! I'd love ideas for how to get through SO-OCD. I've suffered from it on and off for years but my recent big spike was when I accepted my now Fiance's proposal on new years eve. It's got me totally convinced I have no arousal to him or any other man and that I'm in total denial about my sexuality. It's even throwing memories at me that I can't tell if they are real anymore. I'd be fine with being ace or bi or anything really, as long as I still find my partner attractive, so that's what my brain has latched onto. Any ideas for getting through it would be so greatly appreciated!

@Scooterino Yeah I wouldn’t mind that, drop it if you’re ok with that it’d be nice to talk to someone whose gone through something similar :) but I’ll for sure offer some advice on how I got through some of these thoughts. One of the best ways for me to get through these thoughts was to challenge these thoughts, sometimes it can be as simple as belittling them. It’s a stressful process, but saying something like “yeah I’m sure that’s true” while laughing it off or just saying “yeah that’s true, so what?” As a response can really take away power from these thoughts. Of course it’s far easier said than done and takes so much practice, but a big part of SO-OCD and that doubt is the feelings we attach to those potential thoughts. Another thing you can do is say “I acknowledge these thoughts exist and can pass through my mind but they can’t stay”. I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times, but sitting with the anxiety without exploring why you might feel that way can get rid of chances for rumination. It would help eliminate looking into whether those memories have any meaning too, because truth be told, while our brains love to try to attach meaning to thoughts, those memories don’t have the power to change how you truly feel about your fiancé, and so this technique could help stop looking into them so hard. This is all stuff I learned just dealing with it and I’m sorry if it’s not new advice but I hope at least one thing can help! It’s really hard to learn but I know you’ll eventually overcome this and I wish the absolute best for you and your fiancé :)

@ishdh.2 Thank you so much! This is all exceptionally helpful. I use my Twitter alt @DarlingSweetTea for OCD dms ☺️

@Scooterino Can your brain make you disassociate into the opposite gender because I’m female but I’m completely feel like a male. Like it feels like I have a male brain 😭😭help

Did u ever feel like that

@Itswhatever I did, yeah!

@Scooterino Ugh mine is constant

@Itswhatever Mine was scary and lasted a long time. it got much better with therapy!

@Scooterino Mines been going on for 4 days now. Constantly

@Itswhatever Mine lasted a year and a half. It can get better with the right tools like the SOS tools here in the app and therapy, but if you let yourself get stuck in a loop of reassurance and rumination, you can get really get stuck.

@Scooterino Can u tell me about how u felt exactly ?

@Itswhatever I can't, because it changed from day to day. I experienced a lot of things and a wide variety of different intrusive thoughts. And if I tell you exactly how I felt you're brain will either say "omg! That's exactly like me!" and you'll get stuck in a reassurance loop, or you're brain will say "I didn't experience that so I must really be trans." I can tell you it started with seeing people I really respected come out as trans, and wondering if that would happen to me. Then I started obsessing over every little detail and googling for reassurance. Everything I googled I said "oh I don't feel that so I must not be trans!" And then I would feel exactly that thing two weeks later. Because I was training my brain to look for signs that I was really trans. I had to do lots of therapy to undo that loop.

@Scooterino Ugh I literally feel like I have a male brain like it feels way too real. Like it’s constant and it’s been going on for four days. Like it feels so real. I cant get this male feeling out of my head. It’s like my body is not mine anymore

@Itswhatever Yep, OCD feels more real the more we dislike what we are feeling/thinking. I'm sorry you are going through it right now

@Scooterino Hi! I’ve been struggling with this theme for a few days now. Would you be willing to talk offline? I so appreciate your success story!

@Fkoffocd Hi! I can offer you my Twitter handle if you'd like? I use it exclusively for private messages with other folks dealing with OCD.