- Username
- prakriti
- Date posted
- 5y ago
This is me. I feel exactly like this. But remember, one story doesn’t mean it happens to everyone. Remember
You kissed a boy and you didn't like it. That doesn't mean you dislike every boy outhere. Your rumination makes you get into unreal conclusions.
You are attracted to bodies. And shapes. Or figures. If you fell in love with someone I think that is pretty different. If you like "fictional men" you still like men bodies, you enjoy watching men bodies. If you were 6 years with the same person that is just not attaction, that is love. That means you probably love hin. First stop googling because is only going to hurt you more. And stop generalizing everything, that is common in ocd. You are you. And what you feel is only yours, and what you believe is only yours. If other people have other theories about sexuality or whatever, other perspectives, is their fucking problem. In hocd we have a malfunction in our brains. We had a trauma first and then to make stop the anxiety, that came with it, we create compulsions. And when you repeat the compulsions over and over til no end, your brain adequate to make you feel fear every time the theme is in front of your eyes. The doubts are out and desperation comes to your door. We also are not ready to understand that you can be straight(or whatever sexuality) and be attracted to sexual things, great bodies or just see someone atractive and think: wow how attractive. And just that, is just a thought. It doesn't have meaning above that. It doesn't mean your life is going to change forever. All because of the disorder. What you did in the past, is in the past. So don't get into conclusions so extreme. Who you want to be now? What do you feel you need to concentrate now?
Yes i know! I don't think i have any or i don't know if any of my friend belongs to the lgbt community. I just don't know why but now i wish i could have a friend who's a lesbian. it gave me a sense of relief. It would be so much easier for me to share all that i am going through with her.
No it doesn't mean i don't like him. I was there with him for 6 years. We would never have broken up had it not been for family issues. We even decided to get back together after our career is all settled. I don't know if i disliked it but i did not feel anything. I still blush when i talk about it with my best friend but why did i not feel anything while doing it
Today on the internet i read about compulsory heterosexuality. I felt as if i am the same case. It said "attraction to fictional men is not the same as attraction to real men" And " Wanting a man to be attracted to you is not the same as being attracted to them" I do wanted boy's attention but i don't think i was attracted to them and i do have a few girl crushes in the past. But then when i think about it, if i was really a lesbian why would i even be with the guy for 6 years while wanting to continue the relationship if i was not attracted to him or why would i only fantasize about men. Even if i had girl crushes i never fantasized about them. Heck now i don't even know what attraction would feel like. I searched on the internet on the signs if attraction. All these are mentally exhausting. It really feels like i was never attracted to boys and only wanted their attention and nothing else and all i was attracted to were girls
Truly speaking. The only thing that i am interested in now is building up my career and getting rid of my insecurities that i have regarding my looks.i just want to stay away from everything including any kind of attraction. I have a very little confidence in me. Even if i am good in something i still think myself to be inferior to other people around me. For now i really only want to concentrate on building up my overall personality and nothing else.
I really don't want to care who am i attracted to. I don't know if i should share this or not but my dream is to become a big youtuber. But just the fact that i have noticed that youtubers often get asked about their sexualities and they have to meet up with new people including both boys and girls is making me feel uneasy!
Then focus on that. Becausr that is really important to you. No matter what.
Yeah i will. I just need to get rid of the thoughts. I sometimes think that if i kiss a guy i will feel void and that i won't feel anything but then i think of it with a girl and it feels like i will like it and it will be engaging and not void and it somewhat scares me. Now i really need to stop these thoughts and concentrate on what's important. Thankyou
It's not about hocd but can someone help me with my sexuality. Okay so i was in an all girls school and an all girls college. I rarely got the chance to interact with boys except for my coaching classes. It's like in the past i had dozens of girl crushes and a very few guy crushes but if i ever had to imagine myself being intimate with,it was mostly boys. It's like i clearly remember that i fantasized about boys but i don't actually remember if i ever fantasized about girls. My mind is telling me i had. I had a very few guy friends so whenever we had a meet over i always wanted the guy's attention and not those girls. I don't know what kind of crushes or attraction i had for those girls but i always considered myself straight because even if i had a few guy crushes like 2-3 it was only them i mostly fantasized about. Also i have never been interested in lesbian related stuffs. I have watched kdramas and have mostly got male celebrity crushes. My mind has constantly been telling me i am a lesbian cause i mean i did not have hocd when i had those girl crushes but if today i imagine myself getting intimate with a girl to check if it affects me i get anxious.
Geez, I seem to just be getting worse. I keep thinking what if I’ve been lesbian all my life but never payed attention to it. I mean it feels right to be with a man and have a boyfriend I want that. But why do I keep doubting it I just want this to end. I’ve never been a girly girly. I like cute clothes but I hate how it looks on me I feel so insecure. Same with make up. And I keep thinking maybe that’s evidence I could be lesbian. This all sounds ridiculous but why can’t I just accept the fact that I’m straight. I actually like being with boys and kissing them. I get aroused when I kiss them. So why is this happening?
This is ridiculous, now I feel like I’m truly questioning my sexuality. I’m 15. Never had a crush on a girl, don’t think I have. Touched myself to lesbian porn mostly, turned on by sexual images of women but still I never questioned what I felt for boys. I knew I would crush on them, I knew they were feelings. If anything maybe I could be bisexual. But still that doesn’t seem right. I’m just completely lost. Maybe I’m just thinking to much. It shouldn’t be this hard right? I read bisexual people immediately knew. Most of them I think, they realized all their crushes and Fantasies they wanted in real life. I never fantasized about a women, or any girl. I remember crushing on a senior once, I felt excited to see him at school. And fantasized about him. And with my Boyfriend he was just so innocent, and cute and sweet, and when we do sexual stuff I like it. I get uhm .. wet. Sorryyy. I recently got advice to look out for any girl crushes. And I’m really scared about that now. Maybe I can crush on a girl and maybe I can’t. I don’t know anymore. I feel completely unsure of everything. Im not sure if I’m straight or not. I recently started to take quizzes again. I either got straight or bisexual. And idk can anyone give advice? Thanks for reading through all of this if you did.
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