You know what makes me feel sad the most is when i see straight couples.i feel happy to see them together but it makes me sad that i can never ever be in a relationship as it feels i will betray the guy. Lack of experience in relationship is making me question my sexuality even more.i was only once with a guy but did not feel any butterfly when i gave him a peck on his lips.it's not that i didn't love him but why didn't i feel anything.i just went somewhat blank. I went through a post on the internet where a person said that she was attracted to boys but never felt anything when she kissed them but realized later when she first kissed a girl that she's a lesbian. I am so afraid to enter this new world. I always fantasized about boys and i know that if not attracted i atleast wanted their attention. I just don't feel good!when thinking about all these things makes me uncomfortable and uneasy

You kissed a boy and you didn't like it. That doesn't mean you dislike every boy outhere. Your rumination makes you get into unreal conclusions.

You are attracted to bodies. And shapes. Or figures. If you fell in love with someone I think that is pretty different. If you like "fictional men" you still like men bodies, you enjoy watching men bodies. If you were 6 years with the same person that is just not attaction, that is love. That means you probably love hin. First stop googling because is only going to hurt you more. And stop generalizing everything, that is common in ocd. You are you. And what you feel is only yours, and what you believe is only yours. If other people have other theories about sexuality or whatever, other perspectives, is their fucking problem. In hocd we have a malfunction in our brains. We had a trauma first and then to make stop the anxiety, that came with it, we create compulsions. And when you repeat the compulsions over and over til no end, your brain adequate to make you feel fear every time the theme is in front of your eyes. The doubts are out and desperation comes to your door. We also are not ready to understand that you can be straight(or whatever sexuality) and be attracted to sexual things, great bodies or just see someone atractive and think: wow how attractive. And just that, is just a thought. It doesn't have meaning above that. It doesn't mean your life is going to change forever. All because of the disorder. What you did in the past, is in the past. So don't get into conclusions so extreme. Who you want to be now? What do you feel you need to concentrate now?

Yes i know! I don't think i have any or i don't know if any of my friend belongs to the lgbt community. I just don't know why but now i wish i could have a friend who's a lesbian. it gave me a sense of relief. It would be so much easier for me to share all that i am going through with her.

No it doesn't mean i don't like him. I was there with him for 6 years. We would never have broken up had it not been for family issues. We even decided to get back together after our career is all settled. I don't know if i disliked it but i did not feel anything. I still blush when i talk about it with my best friend but why did i not feel anything while doing it

Today on the internet i read about compulsory heterosexuality. I felt as if i am the same case. It said "attraction to fictional men is not the same as attraction to real men" And " Wanting a man to be attracted to you is not the same as being attracted to them" I do wanted boy's attention but i don't think i was attracted to them and i do have a few girl crushes in the past. But then when i think about it, if i was really a lesbian why would i even be with the guy for 6 years while wanting to continue the relationship if i was not attracted to him or why would i only fantasize about men. Even if i had girl crushes i never fantasized about them. Heck now i don't even know what attraction would feel like. I searched on the internet on the signs if attraction. All these are mentally exhausting. It really feels like i was never attracted to boys and only wanted their attention and nothing else and all i was attracted to were girls

Truly speaking. The only thing that i am interested in now is building up my career and getting rid of my insecurities that i have regarding my looks.i just want to stay away from everything including any kind of attraction. I have a very little confidence in me. Even if i am good in something i still think myself to be inferior to other people around me. For now i really only want to concentrate on building up my overall personality and nothing else.

I really don't want to care who am i attracted to. I don't know if i should share this or not but my dream is to become a big youtuber. But just the fact that i have noticed that youtubers often get asked about their sexualities and they have to meet up with new people including both boys and girls is making me feel uneasy!

Then focus on that. Becausr that is really important to you. No matter what.

Yeah i will. I just need to get rid of the thoughts. I sometimes think that if i kiss a guy i will feel void and that i won't feel anything but then i think of it with a girl and it feels like i will like it and it will be engaging and not void and it somewhat scares me. Now i really need to stop these thoughts and concentrate on what's important. Thankyou