This isn’t OCD related but I’m having a hard time

TW mentions death and grief… I’m starting college in the fall and I decided I wanted to use my dads laptop for school. He passed away over a year ago from cancer and I asked my mom if I could use it and she said yes. Today I wanted to go through it and set it up and as soon as I opened it I felt so sad because I was reminded that it was his and it hasn’t been used since he used it. I left the room so I wouldn’t worry my mom and now I’m crying in the bathroom. I don’t think I can use it because it just reminds me of so much sadness and grief. I miss my dad so much because he was my biggest supporter and was there for me through everything. I know he would want me to use it but I just don’t think I can 💔