- Username
- Brookenoel
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@Prole trust me I’ve been there. It doesn’t add up with me either. I’ve been naturally boy crazy my whole life but my ocd says I forced feelings for boys. For awhile I couldn’t enjoy sex either but now that I’m a bit better I have moments where I can be super into my boyfriend even if it’s for like 5 minutes only
mine are exactly like that too. drives me crazy
Mine are like that as well but my brain also tells me I want to do stuff with them or I picture it. Really annoying honestly...
I hope you either find this funny or not too inappropriate. My scrotum and man parts kinda tingles and I just get flooded with super gay thoughts. They give me distress at first. But lately they are just there and kinda give me back door distress because I don't feel distress from before.
@Prole haha you’re fine! I never know what it’s like for men so that’s very interesting
It just sucks, I think it stems from the fact that I had a former gay friend (he always tried to coerce me into doing gay stuff in hindsight) but pretty much when the friend group found out they stopped talking to him. I tried to be his friend for a while, but he kept trying to make me do gay stuff and molested a friend of mine. I fear losing my friends because of that and fear that he coerced me.
@Prole I’m so sorry, that’s not right, if he wanted to experiment he should have done it with someone who was into it. I have no idea what prompted mine for sure. I think it was porn addiction as a child? Ik it’s crazy but yeah, and to make it worse it was gay/lesbian porn ?
Yeah I experimented with it several times, which led me to the conclusion it's possible I'm like a 1 on the Kinsey scale. The HOCD tells me I'm full and that I'll lose all my friends and family because of it. It doesn't line up with my history though, as I've loved girls my whole life and still really want a girlfriend. It doesn't help that I haven't had a long term relationship and the only time I had sex I couldn't finish, but I'm still convinced I'm straight. Now I can't even look at porn any more, I tried not pmoing and haven't for a while but now I lost all attraction
I just feel like I placed the ultimate trust in the gay friend and in return he only wanted to solicit me, which really damaged my trust and sense of self
I just don't know anymore like the false attractions feel too real and believable it's hard to sit with them to make me see it's not real when they appear on people I know and strangers. I know I don't consciously want it but maybe something deep down I'm not in control does. I hate feeling this way.
Is it normal to only feel false attraction to one subject of your pocd but not another? Idk why but it makes it feel all the more real bc I was watching a video and I forgot there were clips of a movie with kids in them and I felt what I hope is just false attraction to one of them but not the other three and I'm kind of having a hard time sitting with the feeling like I feel anxious and my face feels hot from being so anxious. Like I think it feels more real bc that's sort of how real attraction functions (being attracted to some people but not everyone).
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