Hopeless and Tired

I’ve had ocd since I was 9. It started with hand washing and compulsions like tapping 3 times, looking at certain letters and numbers. Then it changed to sexual attraction and fear of cheating on my significant other. Then it changed to cleanliness and organization. (I’ve always been very type A but it really peaked at this point.) Now it’s full blown perfection and cleanliness, obsession about body ailments like warts, fungus, scars. I’m now 4 months postpartum and my ocd has sky rocketed. I am literally so exhausted from giving into my ocd and trying to be a good mom. I’m also breastfeeding and back to work. I literally do not have the energy to take care of myself and try to get better. I’m in this horrible season and nothing anyone has said is comforting. No one understands. I just want to hide and cry all day long.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 170d ago

Hi Torrey, nothing I can say will make your pain go away. However, know that you are part of a community that does understand. Maybe not your specifics but the agonizing suffering that OCD causes. I have had it since I was in my teens (39 now) and am still working to get it more manageable. Mindfulness helped a lot for me and ERP I have done before, but am recommitting to because it has helped so many people. I am sure it feels like a hurricane with your brain and emotions and unbearable. If you seek out treatment there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Work, family and lots of other things make no time for this. I totally get that. But not suffering tops the list. It makes all the rest meaningful and enjoyable. It feels like you can’t make that leap to treatment. But you can. If you’ve had the strength to deal with OCD as long as you have, you have the strength for treatment. And the reward will change your life. I am not a therapist. Just a fellow OCD sufferer who avoided treatment for awhile and always said there’s not enough time or money or both. Until my suffering outweighed everything else. Sending lots of love and support ❤️

Username: Torrey

Date posted: 169d ago

@Anonymous Thank you ♥️

User type: Therapist

Username: Jason Gibbs

Date posted: 169d ago

I'm so sorry that you're going through this Torrey. The good new is, despite the impairment caused by OCD, it is very treatable. Are you currently working with a therapist who specializes in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy?

Username: Torrey

Date posted: 169d ago

@NOCD Therapist - Jason G. No not at the moment. I need to find one that can meet after 5pm pst I just haven’t had the time to look on the website.