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lisskyclad
3d ago
  • "Pure" OCD
  • Harm OCD
I'm new here. I have been diagnosed for over 20 years with different mental illnesses, but until I started taking a med called remeron last October I didn't even recognize my intrusive obsessive thoughts. Of course they were always there and that's why I was used to them.. Always have been. I've likened it to a hamster in a wheel going round and round really going nowhere. I let the docs put me on every psych drug out there for years. But the intrusive thoughts never stopped and were such a part of me that I just thought it was the mood swings they said I was having. But that didn't feel right. Then I tried the remeron and within days the obsessive thoughts stopped and my mind wasn't racing. I do not remember there ever being a time in my life that they weren't there so when they stopped I recognized that my mind was quiet. It was amazing. For 4 months I took the remeron and barely had any intrusive thoughts. But I started gaining weight. A lot of weight. 33lbs since in about 4 months. I'm a recovered anorexic so the weight gain shook me up and I slowly tapered off the medicine. It's been 2 weeks now I'm off it and my mind is so obsessed again with things I can't even talk about. It's on repeat. It plays in my head 24/7. I cannot escape it unless I take the med that will ultimately make me obese. I'm getting very frustrated and depressed and obsessing now about being depressed. I've just realized in the last couple of weeks that I have OCD- not all that other stuff they tried to diagnose me as. Now I'm obsessively thinking about all the time wasted taking psych drugs that gave me bad side effects and didn't even help. Also, it's apparent to me that I have what I'm calling silent compulsions. I'm so lost right now.
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Ocdislame
4d ago
  • "Pure" OCD
  • Relationship OCD
Is this relationship ocd, or ocd related? It’s a longer post so I’m sorry, but would reallly appreciate feedback. I’m happily married with a one year old son. My wife and I have our fights especially since the baby...sometimes it’s bad, but we are generally happy. Well last year I was going through and unrelated health issue with my stomach, that basically caused me to be very weak and lose 32lbs in a couple months. My relationship with my wife really suffered during this time because she was so burned out taking care of the newborn, and her husband. I know it was hard on her, but I was just dropping weight, and a lot of times I felt like a burden on the family because I got sick. At least that’s how she made me feel. She did the best she could but there was a disconnect. There was this girl at work that had the same stomach issue previously, and we really started talking a lot about it. I kind of built this connection with her, and was “drawn” to her, but that was it. No meet ups, no texting really except on pretty rare occasions. I’m not attracted to her, but there have been times where I looked forward to seeing her, and we have a lot of mutual friends. We are just friends, that’s it. I do not want anything with this girl, and I’m very happy with my wife. But there was kind of an emotional support that was there, that I wasn’t getting when I was really sick. Anyway, I see this person when we go out to drink, there are times I even invite her along with everyone else because she’s on our friend group. But I keep feeling like I’m supposed to tell my wife...almost like a confession. I don’t really know why, but I feel like it’s on my chest and I feel like a terrible husband for it. A therapist friend of mine said I shouldn’t tell her if nothing happened, and I just need to be carful and mindful of my emotions and feelings. But I keep thinking about this person and I don’t want to. Anyway this is going on too long but do you guys think this is OCD? Or am I just having a one sided emotional affair with this person? I just don’t understand why I keep thinking of this person. I’m not even attracted to them!
3
Brave through
5d ago
  • Sexual Orientation OCD
I need dire help i am not okay or am i ? Idk anything anymore..I am at a point where i am convinced this isn’t ocd and just my denial and because its denial i am nervous and anxious and scared to accept the fear which I don’t even treat as fear anymore. Whatever thoughts i have during the day I usually write them in my notes and then at the end of the day post them but now i don’t even care if i do that and that just tell me that all this fear could be a lie… i had a dream with this guy which turned into the guy being a girl and kissing me and it actually felt like I didn’t want him to continue to be a guy but wanted to be a girl and even on this platform there’s one person who said all these thoughts and fear and nervousness just lead her to accepting who she was later on and therapy helped her and now i think if i go for therapy its going to tell me the same like anyone who reads this is going to say you’re not straight but bi and i am at point where I won’t even think just accept it and be like oh i can explore more and just reading all that i am writing is a proof of who I actually am and not…i had a dream where my friend who is straight and hopefully i am too cause I don’t know anything anymore we were talking in my dream and then she just came over me and i woke up from the dream its like i felt this giddy kinda feeling in my dream and nervousness and i feel i would feel the same it real life too I don’t think anyone can tell me that this is me still being straight i am not even anxious anymore i am at point where i think what happens if i come out and all this makes me think i have lost…. Thinking about a guy doesn’t feel normal like i am pushing guys away and its making me thinking all the past liking towards the guys were also fake and its was never this and cause it seems easier to be bi its more believable like I don’t relate to the guy stuff crush anymore and constantly just notice the same sex and then have this constant thought of like i know i force myself to feel the anxiety and force myself to write all this because these are compulsions and they tell me its still ocd when i think with everything thats its not and even if i stop these compulsions which I actually rarely do i still have these thoughts and if just one day i act upon them feeling like a possibility then all this was a lie this life was a lie.. my mother talks about bf and i all i think is thats a lie do i even want to be with a guy what if i am not with the girl because if society family and my own thinking and these are valid questions so how are they just intrusive thoughts I don’t understand it seems like i want to be something else cause that might give me peace and being straight doesn’t feel real anymore my friends try to set me up with a guy and all i feel like no and people on here write stuff like i know i want to be with my guy but these thoughts are bad I don’t know anything anymore all the future stuff i start thinking what if a girl and these i fee like are somethings a person coming out would experience not with ocd and earlier i would never accept it but now cause i feel like i can when people with ocd never can as they panic i feel like it was never ocd?!? Pls help tell what i should do?
0
Tillyyyx
6d ago
  • Relationship OCD
I love my boyfriend. I feel like I have a very strong connection with him which has developed over time and I want to marry him and have children with him . That being said, in the beginning it wasn’t easy , I wouldn’t say I was infatuated with him , I knew I loved him early on but it made me want to run a mile if I’m honest , I have major trust issues and I struggle being vulnerable. I think I found all the reasons it wouldn’t work out between us in my head to push him away but I was fighting with the fact I know I love him.which probably kick started my ocd . Anyways for the last few days Ive had no intrusive thoughts about him and I feel very in love with him. Then earlier I panicked and googled ‘ can you fall in love with someone without having gone through infatuation’ all I can read is people saying that love at first sight is real and people who say it takes a bit of time are just faking it, that love just happens. I now feel really defeated, I’ve had to really work on my ROCD I’ve had some major struggles with negative intrusive thoughts about my attraction towards my boyfriend as he is not my usual type and stuff but deep down I know I love him on such a deeper level. I am scared that I am labelling what is going on as relationship ocd when in actual fact I may be denying my relationship may not be right. I desperately want things to work out between us and for us to marry in the future which is something we both talk about. But I feel sick in my stomach as the initial deep infatuation wasn’t there it’s more of a slow growing deep love but I’m worried one day I’ll meet someone who I feel that ‘love at first sight ‘ everyone is talking about and that I will destroy my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. I am attracted to my my boyfriend , the sex is very good and he is very good looking but he’s not my usual type , I usually go for someone slightly taller and a bit different style but in a way that makes me love him even more because I’ve learnt to love the person he is rather than picking someone who fits a picture in my head if that makes sense. I’m so scared to lose him or to mess it up I want to cry so badly
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