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I also want to talk about something that is really difficult for me: what it is actually like living with Surveillance OCD and cyberphobia. I’m not sharing this because I want pity or because I want people to feel sorry for me. I’m sharing it because sometimes I feel incredibly lonely living with this, and I don't always know how to explain it to people who haven't experienced it. For me, OCD can take something completely ordinary, like a phone, an app, an accessory, clothing, or something in my surroundings, and turn it into a source of fear. My brain can start asking questions about whether I’m being watched, monitored, recorded, tracked, or somehow observed through something that normally wouldn't make me think twice. Cyberphobia can make this even harder because technology is such a huge part of everyday life. Phones, social media, websites, cameras, microphones, accounts, notifications, permissions, and even small changes on an app can become things my OCD wants me to analyze. And the hardest part isn't always the thought itself. It's what comes afterward. The checking. The researching. The analyzing. The replaying things in my head. The need to be completely certain. The feeling that I need to investigate one more possibility before I can relax. Sometimes I know logically that I'm caught in an OCD cycle, but knowing that doesn't automatically make the fear disappear. It can also become incredibly isolating. When your brain is constantly telling you that ordinary things aren't safe, it can make you want to withdraw from situations that other people don't even think twice about. And when you're already lonely and don't have many people around you, those thoughts can feel even louder. There have been times when I've felt like nobody would understand what I'm experiencing because surveillance-related OCD isn't something I hear people talk about very often. But I'm learning that I don't have to solve every uncertainty my OCD gives me. I'm learning to live my life while uncertainty is still there instead of waiting until my brain gives me permission to feel completely safe. I'm still struggling. I'm still learning. And I'm definitely not “cured.” But I'm trying to keep living anyway. I’m sharing this because maybe someone else has been feeling just as isolated by their OCD and has never seen anyone put this experience into words. I don't need pity. I just don't want to feel so alone in it anymore.

Now that winter is close and also the virus season time. How do u deal with the fear? I’m so so scared of being sick and I don’t mean like just being simply ill. I mean stomach bug. Also I live with my sister away from my parents (I’m a student in college) and if I ever get a stomach bug she will flip out.Therr were moments where I was having d* or just beinf nauseous amd my parents would be like donr say anything to her that you feel ill or nauseous. So living like tbat fot a year made me anxious as hell. I got over emetophobia and since I started living with her it came back to some extent .I did tu a week ago but I was witb my mother and also it was bc of alcohol so it didn’t bother me at all. Like I was ljme okay wtv I tu. But now thinking of tu when I’m with my sister it makes me so so anxious. I don’t wanna relapse like when I was 16 and not being able to go to school (which tjat made me develop agoraphobia) in casw I get ill or being afraid of food.

I want to talk about something I don't see discussed very often: Surveillance OCD. For a long time, I didn't even realize that what I was experiencing could be OCD. My brain became extremely focused on the idea that I was being watched, monitored, recorded, or somehow observed through ordinary things around me. The hardest part was that the fear could attach itself to almost anything. An ordinary object could suddenly feel suspicious, and my brain would start creating questions and “what if” scenarios around it. Then came the urge to investigate, check, avoid certain things, change what I was doing, look for evidence, or get reassurance that everything was okay. And the frustrating thing about OCD is that getting an answer doesn't necessarily end the fear. My brain would find another possibility, another “what if,” or another object to worry about. It became less about one specific thing and more about the feeling that I had to be completely certain that I wasn't being watched. That realization has been really important for me. I'm learning that the goal isn't to investigate every fear until I finally feel 100% certain. The goal is to recognize the OCD cycle and stop giving it the response it demands. I've been practicing ERP and learning to continue doing normal things even when my OCD tells me that I need to check, investigate, avoid something, or make myself feel completely safe first. And honestly, it's difficult. Sometimes the thoughts still feel extremely convincing. Sometimes my brain immediately comes up with another possibility. But I've started understanding that an intrusive thought doesn't automatically mean there's a real problem that I need to solve. Surveillance OCD has made me feel very alone at times, especially because I rarely saw people describing this particular theme. That's one of the reasons I'm sharing this. If you experience something similar, you're not “crazy” for having these thoughts. OCD can attach itself to many different fears and themes, and the content can feel incredibly real and personal even when the underlying OCD pattern is the same. I'm still recovering and I definitely don't have everything figured out. But I wanted to share my experience because maybe someone else who has been silently dealing with this will read it and realize that they're not the only one. Awareness matters, especially for OCD themes that people don't talk about very much.

I’ve been having a pretty bad flare up these last few weeks. any tips? How to do I stop the mental compulsions? I keep trying to make my thoughts true or inspect them and it’s been taking a toll on me. I’ve also been forcing myself to talk to people even when I don’t want to. Any tips would be helpful.

I’m new here and just trying to understand the app and know what groups to join or meetings or whatever they are. Can I find a therapist from here? I have what I thought was really bad anxiety and my stress level is off the chain but after reading into it I guess it’s ocd. I don’t really know. I lost my wife and don’t leave the house. I hurt and my heart races all day. Just looking for a path and some relief. But hopefully I can meet some people that are going thru something similar.

I have noticed a pattern lately where mistakes feel incredibly costly. I know there are consequences to our actions but lately I have been overwhelmed with trying to be perfect so that something bad doesn’t happen. I have had driving OCD episodes lately and any driving error makes me spiral. I’m always trying to prevent my mind from landing on a thought that will make me spiral. I’m so tired. OCD feels like it constantly demands. I wonder what it feels like to not have your own mind constantly trying to betray you.

I think it 100% stopped me from becoming a mother. Suffering from POCD has meant i am childless. I have spent most of my time actively avoiding children, nevermind becoming pregnant. Thats a hard one to sit with. Especially now, i have the ocd under control. Even after successfully completing treatment. And having real results. The scars that OCD left have been huge. And I guess, one of the biggest things in life it stopped me doing, was becoming a parent. I will likely have menopause within the next decade or so. And I have no plans of being an older mother. And of course, you need to meet the right person to have a kid with. And then, id be terrified of POCD returning. Its no joke. OCD can be terrifying and life altering. Even now I have it under control, I still dont go out my way to be around kids. Probably because for so many years it was such a big issue for me. So im left with the scars of OCD. And it robbed me of ever knowing what its actually like, to have your own child.

Hello! My name is Ben. I’ve struggled with OCD pretty much my whole life but it’s pretty much taken over my life within the last few years. Everything from things needing to be just right, organization, crippling fears of getting sick, spirals about taking medications, false memories, checking locks and fire hazards, dark intrusive / taboo thoughts, and everything else in between. The last few weeks have been extremely difficult for me to the point where my mental health has fully declined and I feel so hopeless. I just started Zoloft and I’m really hoping it helps me ease the thoughts a little bit (or help me manage them better). Anyways, if anyone wants to talk or share advice or support, I’d appreciate it. This app feels like it could do a lot for me but it still feels really scary.

i’ve been obsessing and driving myself insane being so extremely anxious about getting old and passing away. i think what truly scares me is the fact that i have no idea what happens after death, which also plays into my anxiety around religion. if i believe in god, then i should know what happens right? i shouldn’t be scared, he tells you not to be scared, he tells you what happens. so then that leads me to believe that i’m not being a good enough believer, which then leads me down the “i’m going to hell” path. its just a never ending spiral. i’m only 19 i hate that im so stressed about getting old, i really don’t want to grow old and die. i really don’t. it’s terrifying man. but at the same time the thought of living for eternity, wether it’s here on earth or up in heaven is also EXTREMELY terrifying. like HELLO?? ETERNITY?? it’s just all so scary. everything about life and death has been so terrifying lately. i hate that’s im always wishing to be “normal” how do you guys feel about aging? is it scary, or are you just okay with the fact that it’s natural and it happens to everyone. i would like to have that mindset honestly. hopefully one day ill get there! anyway, thanks for reading, i hope everyone is having a better day than yesterday.

Warning: mentions of sex This basically started with me trying to improve my sex life with a guy I was with and then I saw someone say they couldn’t orgasm during sex either and that’s how they realized they were gay. Cue the spiral. I did research, took quizzes, was checking for attraction but got freaked out because initially it felt like I was attracted to every woman I saw, even women I knew who I never thought about that way before. I got really freaked out by comphet because that meant I couldn’t feel relief by thinking about my past attraction history. After months of this I’m wondering if this is actually ocd if those compulsion didn’t provide relief. I think the only one that does is reading people’s stories on this app or the HOCD subreddit who are similar to mine and have recovered.

i feel like such a failure. i went to therapy last year via the nhs and it helped massively like genuinely my pocd and gender ocd and other taboo obsessions have genuinely gotten better and i feel like i can cope with them but with sexual orientation i feel so stuck. that has not improved. i don’t know if it’s because we didn’t give it as much attention or if it’s just because this fear is real. i don’t know what to do at this point. it sounds crazy to say because like pocd was the scariest theme i’ve ever had but this one is breaking me and i feel like it shouldn’t be? i want to go back in to therapy i feel like i cannot live like this but i just feel like the biggest failure because i know what to do. i know im supposed to do ERP & i know how this works but i have never been more stuck. i keep sinking back in to the same compulsions. i believe the fear is real and im just using ocd as a way to put off accepting it. i cannot afford a good weekly therapist. im a broke student. if i go to the GP what will happen will i get put back in talking therapy? will they even take me because ive been through it. will it even help? i feel like i know what to do and im still not getting better. i feel so hopeless i literally am depressed and ruminating all day. it’s all consuming. has anyone ever been back to talking therapy in the uk?

I've been dealing with intense paranoia around my family's safety for as long as I can remember. I vividly recall having an intense panic attack as a kid because I was so convinced my sleeping away from home meant my mom and sister were going to be killed in their sleep by a home invader. And I've continued to experience these gutteral fears well into my adulthood. I'm now 29. Just a bit ago I had a panic attack after getting home super late from work, aware my mom already went to bed, and her velcro-dog decided she wanted to sleep in my bed. We have 5 dogs, one of which is my own velcro-dog, but then another came in to sleep with me. And then another, until I had 4 of our 5 dogs passed out around me and the panic set in so intensely I couldn't move and kept asking my mom's dog "Is mom okay?", hoping she would give a reaction to the question as if she understood. I shook and cried and couldn't bring myelf to get out of bed for over half an hour until I finally shot up and went to listen outside her door. I didn't want to wake her but I also really wanted to just say "mom" and hear a sleepy grunt to quell the fear. When I didn't here a snore or a cough like I feel I hear so often, I went into her doorway with my phone flash on and watched her breathe while asleep until I could calm down. I spent over an hour in panic and have been beating myself up for it after calming down, but there was no dissipating the thought naturally. I would say in my head, "She's not dead." "She's okay." "She'll be awake when you get up, just go to sleep." There was no shutting up that voice. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any advice?

I’m new here and starting with a NOCD therapist, and I wanted to share what I’ve been dealing with because the last few months have been exhausting. My anxiety has become extremely centered around my relationship. When I’m activated, it feels like my brain absolutely NEEDS certainty. Do I actually love my partner? Does she really love/want me? Can I trust her? Is she the right person for me? Is this anxiety or intuition? Should I stay or leave? Why don’t I feel connected right now? Why did I feel completely different yesterday? I can spend hours trying to answer these questions. I’ve struggled with checking, reassurance seeking, monitoring social media/phones, watching for potential “threats” like other men, analyzing my partner’s behavior, replaying past events, researching relationship psychology, asking friends/family/ChatGPT for opinions, and constantly checking my own emotional state to see if I feel happy, loving, connected, attracted, or “like myself.” One of the hardest parts is that reassurance never seems to stick. My partner can show me love and affection, and sometimes I still struggle to actually receive or trust it. My brain can immediately find another question or another piece of uncertainty. I’ve also noticed that I’m much calmer when my partner needs me or is pursuing/reassuring me. When I feel like I need her affection, attention, reassurance, or closeness, my anxiety can become significantly worse. Another confusing part has been how dramatically my perspective can change depending on my anxiety level. I’ve had periods where I feel completely calm, trusting, independent, loving, present, funny, and like myself again. Then anxiety comes back and suddenly I’m analyzing everything again. I’ve even started obsessing over why I’m not feeling as good as I did during those calm periods. The breakup thoughts have been especially confusing. Sometimes the idea of ending the relationship brings an immediate feeling of relief because the uncertainty would finally be over. But when we have actually separated, I’ve experienced intense grief, missing her, questioning my decision, and wanting to reconnect. That has contributed to a painful breakup/reconciliation cycle. This has gotten to the point where anxiety has affected my sleep, appetite, ability to exercise, social life, concentration, and ability to simply be present. At its worst, I just want to stay in bed because my mind feels completely exhausted. I also want to acknowledge that my relationship isn’t perfect and there have been legitimate conflicts and trust issues. That’s part of what makes this so difficult for me—I struggle to distinguish between a real relationship concern and my brain taking something uncertain and analyzing it endlessly. I’ve experienced similar anxiety/checking patterns in previous relationships, which is one reason I finally decided I need specialized help. I’m not posting because I want someone to tell me whether my relationship is right or wrong. I’m actually trying to stop chasing that answer. I want to learn how to tolerate uncertainty, stop compulsively checking and seeking reassurance, maintain my independence while loving somebody, receive love without constantly questioning it, and eventually make relationship decisions from a grounded place rather than because I desperately need the anxiety to stop. I’m starting with a NOCD therapist and hoping this is the beginning of learning a completely different way of responding to all of this. If anyone relates to the pattern of feeling calm when you have certainty but becoming extremely activated when you feel like you “need” your partner or don’t know where you stand, I’d love to hear about your experience—especially what recovery has looked like for you.

when u have a unpair number of followers i remove them or i unfollow or follow someone if its a unpair of who i follow anyone else?

Ive entered a new relationship recently and its really healthy. But ever since we got serious i get these repeating thoughts that im not good enough for him and the feeling/thoughts hijacks my body and mind when im spending time with him especially recently and i know hes starting to notice when im not present.. i worry its going to ruin our connection if I cant always be present. And even that becomes a persistent thought. So the cycle begins and never ends. This has put me in a really depressed and anxious state of mind and it takes up most of my energy and day. I have an urge to break up to end the pain and also out of fear of rejection. But I know that would let my thoughts win:/ Part of my problem is I also try to mask my emotions which causes more pain- it’s just really hard not to because it’s what I’ve done all my life. I wish I could be real and embrace all parts of myself and stop hiding, running, performing! It’s fucking exhausting… Does anyone else experience this? Is there any hope for me. I fear this will ruin the best relationship I’ve ever had and I’ve been trying so hard not to let it. I wish there was an answer to all this chaos in my mind and end to the spiraling. I just want to heal and it be over with. I just want to be happy and enjoy my life. I just want to feel like I am enough for someone who genuinely puts in effort and energy for me.

Hi fellow OCD-having friends. I’m proud of you for surviving Monday! How was your day? I’d like to connect with more people with OCD, so please leave a comment if you’d like :) Below is sushi that my bf and i got the other day, definitely a comfort food for me :) what’s your comfort food?

Hi! I’m phoenix this is a reupload of my first post with a list of just the intrusive thoughts that I have commonly and concern me. I’m technically not diagnosed with any neurodivergence yet but we’ve known I am for years. I’m having worsening sensory problems to the point where I’m coming home from school every day with a migraine because my school completely banned headphones. I have an Appointment this Thursday (the 3rd of September 2026) and I’m planning on asking for a referral to a psychiatrist. I’ve been learning more about the different types of neurodivergence and I relate and am worrying most strongly with audhd and ocd symptoms. How do I bring up this concern with the provider without sounding like“I looked it up on web Md and I KNOW”? ~~~~~~~ Intrusive thoughts nearly daily about Dad escaping prison and harm everyone w/ possible school 🔫. Parasites/bugs contamination Carb contamination (this is new it’s the school lunch thing where I don’t feel like the food at school is safe for me to consume with my pcos so I’ve been eating like 3 things almost exclusively and I am anxious about it if I divert and I still don’t feel like I’m not having a small enough amount of carbs in lunch and breakfast) Severe anxiety about getting in trouble at all Toilet paper/shampoo numbers(5 squares of paper or I feel like I’m going to get in trouble and I wash my hair with shampoo 2 times and conditioner 1 time leaving it for 3 minutes so my hair is clean and not brittle) Arriving as early as possible to class or I feel like I’ll be late Worrying/ catastrophizing when people are gone for “too long” (thinking mom and stepdad are in a car accident because they’ve been doing errand for 3 hours and repeatedly checking Life360) I did this with Grammy and Poppi this summer and it was so much worse because I couldn’t track them. Intrusive thoughts that something bad is going go happen to me. School shootings, car accidents(especially in road trips), bad EDS injury, intruder Really bad at feeling some people’s tone (I thought the librarian actually wanted to fire me from the library aid because I was gone a week while in the hospital) Immediate catastrophizing and worrying about the worst injury from a subluxation (I was also convinced I had a blood clot any time my leg swelled up post surgery) Scrupulosity to the point of paralysis when breaking a rule. Sometimes (at least once with most patterns if not several times) if I lose track of my work with crochet or knitting I have to completely frog it and start over to feel like I didn’t ruin the project which I’m only doing n for my enjoyment. I’ve completely abandoned projects before because I couldn’t tell if I was doing it right. And I gave myself panic attacks. Every time stepdad has an autistic meltdown and starts yelling in the kitchen and slamming things I get an intrusive thought that he’s going to take one of the knives and harm himself or the house with it. I can’t go out to check if he’s ok until it’s over. When I’m in the shower I will occasionally (like a few times a week) hear a noise and worry it’s intruders who are going to harm my family and then find me in there at my most vulnerable. Worrying I’m inconveniencing people with my needs and mobility aids and they all secretly hate me so I apologize for being in the way like a lot. Hoarding school supplies and art supplies and toiletries (not sure if that’s a poverty thing or both. I still have notes and homework from 8th grade and markers that are completely dry and I feel anxious/guilty if I toss them) (edited)

i mean u have it for a reason, its a blessing in disguise u js gotta find purpose

Needing some advice on what helped others with this same theme. I find myself experiencing obsessions about the concept of OCD in general. The thought will come up of, “What if my OCD gets bad again?” When I start to make progress, and then I get totally trapped in another flare. I also notice whenever an intrusive thought comes up my mind has started to go, “What if this becomes a new OCD theme?” I also worry, “What if my OCD is debilitating and never gets better?” It’s super frustrating because it’s such an overarching concept that causes a cascade of other themes to arise. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so what helped you through it? I’ve been so upset lately and I feel really helpless and broken down. I just want to feel safe in my own body and mind, it makes it hard to enjoy life and do all my responsibilities when I’m struggling this hard.

I’m struggling right now and I’m embarrassed to reach out to my friends and family. I’m struggling rn and need a friend to talk to