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I’m getting increasingly frustrated with the availability of OCD care. First of all, I have an ERP therapist, and I really, really enjoy her as a person. However, I feel like the approach we’re actively working on in therapy is ineffective for me, and maybe even counterproductive. I struggle with taboo themes, and currently, most of our sessions consist of her writing a script or finding one in a book, reading it to me or having me read it, and then repeatedly rating my anxiety until it reaches a 1 on the SUDS scale. One of my biggest compulsions is internal checking. I constantly find myself asking, “Am I anxious? Am I distressed enough by that thought? Why aren’t I more distressed? A normal person would be way more uncomfortable than me. There must be something wrong with me,” and so on. The SUDS scale approach feels like it’s encouraging me to do exactly that. When I explained to my therapist that this approach wasn’t working for me and why, her response was, “We’ll just let those thoughts float by like a cloud.” LADY. If I could just do that, these thoughts wouldn’t have half the grip on me that they do. 😭 I feel like I haven’t learned a single actual tool to help me manage my OCD, redirect myself, use disengagement techniques, or recognize and stop performing compulsions. I’ve read tips and advice online, but I feel like I need more than that. When I try to apply those techniques myself, I get sucked right back into the cycle and end up performing compulsions without even realizing it. I need someone who can actually help me learn and practice these skills, not just tell me what I should be doing. On top of all this, I have state health insurance, and finding my current therapist in the first place was a TOTAL WAR. She has no reviews or ratings that I can find; the only information available is her brief educational description. She is literally THE ONLY provider in my area who specializes in OCD, and I feel insanely stuck. (And yes, I already checked the IOCDF directory. That’s how I found her to begin with.) I even called NOCD to see if they would be willing to enter into a single-case agreement with my insurance for out-of-network treatment if my insurance authorized it, and they said no. I’m pregnant, and I’m genuinely scared. I just want to learn how to manage my OCD before my baby comes so I can properly bond with my baby without being petrified to be alone with them. I know I don’t need to be 100% better before my baby arrives, but I desperately want to get to a place where I feel more equipped to handle my thoughts instead of constantly feeling consumed by them. I’m just so frustrated. How is someone supposed to get better when the treatment they have access to doesn’t feel effective, but finding alternative treatment is practically impossible? It genuinely feels like: “Hey! Here’s this absolutely debilitating mental health disorder. Have fun with that!! Oh, and when you finally decide you’re brave enough to get treatment for it, it’ll be nearly impossible to access! Good luck! MWAHAHAHAHA!” If anyone has advice, recommendations for OCD specialists who accept state insurance in Washington, helpful websites, resources, or even just some sympathy, I would genuinely appreciate it. I’m exhausted from trying to navigate all of this, and I just want help.

i have been with my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years and he is the love of my life. i want my future with him and want to marry him. we spend so much time together and i love hanging out with him and don’t ever want him to leave my house when we hang out. throughout our relationship i have avoided certain situations with other men because i don’t want to make my boyfriend upset and i don’t want something to happen and me get put into a bad situation. towards the very beginning of our relationship i unfollowed all of the insignificant guys on instagram, tiktok, snapchat etc. i have been so so loyal in our relationship to the point its almost concerning to some people. 2 months ago i had this debilitating fear that came out of nowhere that told me “what if i cheated on my boyfriend before i removed all of those guys and i don’t remember” i removed those guys a week after we started dating. and ever since then i have been in the worst place i have ever been. all i do is cry, can’t eat, no motivation to do anything and all i do is think and get stuck in my thoughts all day long. i do have some severe compulsions. i go through old photos, i recovered data from snapchat, tried to get data from instagram, and piecing together timelines all day to try and figure out if it even happened or not. i do not remember any specific conversations at all with any male online during that first week or any conversation at all. first it started with one guy i used to have conversations with before my boyfriend and i was worried it overlapped to when we started dating and then it got me thinking about to a different guy i talked to a couple years ago and then i wondered if i had him on snapchat when my boyfriend and i were dating. i saw that they both liked my tiktok’s from march 2024 and the last time the second one reacted to my bereal was in march 2024. i started talked to my boyfriend in april 2024 and we started dating june 2024 i have never had any thought like this at all i have NO memory at all of even talking to these guys when my boyfriend and i first started dating but my brain is showing me memories and trying to convince me i did. there is absolutely no evidence i ever did this. cheating is one of my biggest fears and it feels so real and i can feel it physically. i don’t know if it’s a real memory or a fake one my brain is making up. my relationship is my priority and i would absolutely never do anything to hurt our relationship and these thoughts are really really unlike me. i just don’t know what to do because i feel so so guilty and i have been avoiding my boyfriend because of the guilt i feel i want to tell my boyfriend to get it off my chest but i don’t even remember doing anything. we started dating when i was 16 and he was 15 and i turn 19 soon. please please help i feel so alone

Hey everyone, I'm a student, and honestly, I've been struggling with something for a while now. I think it might be OCD, possibly Pure O or mental OCD, but I haven't been officially diagnosed, so I'm not sure. Basically, I get these intrusive thoughts about different things, and once one gets into my head, I end up overthinking it for hours. I keep imagining different worst-case scenarios, analysing everything again and again, and looking for reassurance just to feel okay. Sometimes I finally feel like I've figured things out and can relax, but then the doubt comes back, or my mind finds something else to worry about. I also catch myself constantly checking people's expressions and reactions because I'm worried about what they might think of me. It's not just mental either. I get a racing heartbeat, an uneasy feeling in my chest and stomach, and sometimes I just can't seem to relax, even when there's nothing happening around me. It can affect my sleep too. The thing that's really frustrating me lately is how frequently these thoughts are coming up. I'm a student, and I genuinely want to focus on my studies, but I end up spending so much time stuck in my head that concentrating becomes difficult. It's honestly exhausting because I know I have things to do, but my mind just won't leave me alone. Another problem is that, because of my personal circumstances, getting professional help isn't really an option for me right now. I might have to deal with this on my own for a while, and that honestly worries me. So I wanted to ask people who have experienced OCD or anxiety a couple of things: 1. Can things actually get better on their own without therapy or medication? Or do these symptoms usually keep getting worse if you leave them untreated? I'd really like to hear from people who've genuinely improved without professional help. 2. What has actually helped you manage these thoughts in everyday life? Especially if you're a student and need to study while dealing with constant overthinking and anxiety. I'd really appreciate answers, especially from people who've been through something similar. Thanks for reading.

This is another heavy topic, I tried posting about it yesterday but I deleted it as I dont think I was ready to post about it yet. I ended up relapsing with porn yesterday, specifically animated porn. I still feel really gross about it and wish I didn't relapse. It's made me realise that my OCD is very much linked to pornography and the stuff I have seen without wanting to. I don't want to see that stuff anymore. Im still kind of spiraling right now actually. Does anyone have any advice?

Does anyone else have parents that seem to enjoy taking anything and everything you love away? I am a big music fan and music is what gets me through things, so naturally my parents decide that I can’t have that anymore. I’m finishing getting ready for bed and my dad walks in and says “We are going to keep you laptop and iPad in here at night now girl” and of course my response was wait why. For context i listen to music through my earbuds connected to my laptop at night to help me sleep. So now I can’t do that. Another thing, well it’s not her fault but my mom gets migraines and I’m a band kid, so of course i bring my instruments home to practice. But when I try to practice she send someone in my room to interrupt me and tell me to stop. I have tried learning different instruments to see if any of them work (trumpet, clarinet and baritone) for her migraines but no. I can’t play my instruments unless I am outside. Like I said I am a band kid, and I am the most band coded person you will ever meet. Making music calms me down too so I keep my instruments with me. But some days I wonder just why I joined the band. Why did I choose the thing that mom can’t stand? Why did my mind decide to only be calmed down with things that can’t be done? I try to play quiet and it just doesn’t work, my mom always gets a headache and sometimes she gets mad at me for playing. I just want to be like any other kid with a mom who can actually go around and function. She comes to my concerts but every time she has had to step out, I only feel able to play to the best of my ability when she is out of the house. And that isn’t even that often because of how much she gets migraines! I can play at school in band class without anyone caring but not at home, no not at home.

Has anyone had people assume you were a different sexuality from what you are? How did it make you feel? Did you discover something about yourself after that? I’ve had 4 different people make assumptions that I’m gay or bi on different occasions.

I keep having fantasies about having sex with my friend’s girlfriend. It worries me. And sometimes I worry she’ll kiss me or something. I know she’s just being nice but I keep misinterpreting everything. I don’t want to cause drama. I’ve been distancing myself a bit but then I thought, “What if I’m making her feel like I hate her. I don’t want to do that either.” And it’s worrying me because I think I like these fantasies and just the thought of kissing her and stuff. Like; I ok; none of them are really my friends but still they’re closer than other people I have around me. I say they’re my friends but to be honest I don’t hang out with them that much. And it’s quite a few of them. I keep imagining being around them and having fun with them but to be honest I know if I’m around them too much I’ll show who I really am and they’ll hate me like all the other friend groups did and it’s my fault. Like, I know it’s my fault because I can’t handle that stuff. I’d much rather have people only know me surface level. I don’t struggle with vulnerability. I talk to people about my depression every once in a while who I’ve known since high school. But it’s like all of them and I keep thinking I want to have sex with them but it’s like, I don’t want to because I feel ill just have momentary pleasure and then I’ll hurt them by just not wanting to continue anything. And I don’t want to objectify them. And this fantasy there are moments where I imagine her kissing me and I think I enjoy the thoughts and then I’m like, “Stop, she’s your friend’s girlfriend.” And then I think, “Does this mean the intrusive thoughts you have of kids aren’t really intrusive? Because there are moments where you feel it but then hate it.” And on that topic I keep having these stimulations day and for brief moments I think I give into them. Maybe college just stresses me out.

So I’ve been volunteering the past few weeks and I am about to turn 22 and bet your sweet bippy I’m looking for some companionship I’ve been alone 22 years of my life and I’m not sure if I’m ready to put myself out there but you know, I’m not getting any younger. Because of my situation rn it’s hard to meet people and I thought about using a dating app but I despise those and I’m all rigid about “i want to meet my person organically.” But, to be honest, I’m tired of waiting around 😭 I thought of trying to do a loophole / reframing with the OCD like “you’re saving someone from the dating apps, if anything you’re virtuous” but it’s not working that much. I also think “what if your OCD of not meeting organically becomes a problem down the road?” and then I tell myself “if i stick with her through it i must truly be in love” I don’t know. I know it doesn’t work like that. Just mental gymnastics. I simply don’t want to go on a dating app. I want to meet someone in person. I don’t want to be competing with 50 other guys in someone’s dms. What to do what to do ☹️ Last time I used one, few years ago, I felt like a slot zombie just cycling through profiles. It’s inorganic, idk. I want to be starstruck by someone or have something akin to a Shrek story. I want dad lore :( even tried the christian dating apps in the past too but either I’m 0-how many ever or they posted years ago and forgot about their profile. read the reviews and comments seem to say people are inactive on there but maybe we’re noobs. but nowadays I literally pride myself on not caving in to downloading a dating app, not that others are less for it, but because it’s the one control I do have? and, again, my head canon

And that's okay. It's okay if it takes time. It's okay if you fall a lot. It's okay if you do some "loop the loops" on the path and feel like you are going in circles. The point is that you are on a journey. And every obstacle in your way is still a part of going forward. Every fall is still a part of going forward. And a steep path ahead only means an opportunity to get stronger.

I have been struggling so much lately, and not being diagnosed with no treatment, money wise it is so hard to go to the doctor to get diagnosed and get help. Lately my thoughts are what is the worse. For example, I will do something and then in the back of my mind I know what I did but all these false images and false memories come up when I'm doing something and I'm like, i did this or this. I know I didn't but at the same time I can't trust my thoughts to know what's real and what's not. I'm just at a loss to know what to do because I feel like such a horrible person. Not knowing what I did or didn't do.

I’m newly diagnosed (within the last year) with ROCD and still figuring out how to manage it. It was well-controlled with Zoloft but I had a lot of side effects from the meds so I decided to stop taking them a couple months ago. I’ve noticed within the last month or so that my ROCD is off the charts again and I’m experiencing a lot of the same ruminations that I had prior to starting the Zoloft. I feel awful for my partner because we have frequent conversations that end up focused on whether or not I feel we’re right for each other. I try to keep those thoughts to myself as best I can, as I know they’re rooted in my ROCD, but I can’t always contain them and I know it can’t feel good for him to hear them. I don’t know what advice to give him for how to manage through this, as I am still completely lost on how to manage it myself. Does anyone have any suggestions or resources for partners of someone with ROCD that I could share with him that might help?

I can't stop thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend almost constantly, but I don't want to actually break up. I keep thinking this terrible feeling is a sign and I need to do it. Is this OCD? At the same time I'm scared he will say something triggering and I will break up with him on reflex.

Does anyone else find it concerning that the social aspect of NOCD gives a platform for people with OCD that they can use to essentially Reassurance Seek? On one hand, creating communities and seeing other people struggle the same way you do can be incredibly helpful. It’s healing to know you aren’t alone, especially about the taboo subjects that OCD can latch onto. I’m aware of the positive impact that can have on people and against the stigmas they can place on themselves. I’m also aware that this is probably a safer place to have that compulsion to post, since there are therapists and bots ready to offer resources the moment they notice the behaviour. Also, that someone who is desperate would likely just move to a different, and less supportive site, to make their post anyway, and possibly be made to feel worse by those who don’t understand what OCD is actually like to experience. On the other hand though, I’ve seen others actively seeking reassurance through their posts on here and it feels like a moral dilemma if I wanted to respond in any way. I either give them the reassurance that they are seeking, feeding into the compulsion. Or I try and leave room for uncertainty, even though I’m not a therapist and am not trained/knowledgeable enough in ERP therapy to be helpful. I think it’s human to want to help others in distress, but it creates an inherent Catch 22. Regardless of all of that, I’m happy a safe place like this exists, I just worry about what cycles it could create when misused, and how easily it can be misused.

I had broken up with my bf like 3- 4 months ago it only lasted like 2 days being broken up. We’ve been together after those 2 days. In those 2 days people had messaged me asking what happened and I told them some stuff I don’t remember anymore and i feel so guilty because I don’t remember what I said and I blocked those people so I can’t see the messages. All I remember saying was I just don’t see a future with him. And I told my bf about this and cried to him and we talked about that. And I find whenever he does something nice for me I don’t deserve it. And that I’m hiding something from him and I can’t stop ruminating on what exactly I said and that I need to tell him. Help please!

I’m struggling to date cus my mind scans for anything any feature like a guy will close his eyes my mind will think he lowkey looks like a kid when he does that even tho he’s 24 😭😭 or for example this guy one of his hands were abit puffy at the centre in one pic my mind said looks like a baby hand now I can’t speak to him why is this happening why does everything look like what I don’t want it to look and why am I paralysed by it I genuinely belive this I keep ending things with guys. I need help

I’m not trying to self diagnose but all of my “symptoms” are pointing to ocd. I have these intuitive thoughts about certain things like when my partner and I are about to go to sleep, if I say “ goodnight, I love you” (for some reason I HAVE to say it first or it doesn’t feel right) and they don’t say it as well, then I won’t be able to go to sleep. It’s a bit strange but I’m hoping someone will understand. I also have thoughts like “what if when I looked at that girl that I felt attracted to her” or something along the lines of what would be considered “cheating”. I’ve never wanted to cheat on my partner. But these thoughts won’t go away. And I’m constantly in my head about things. There’s multiple other reasons why I think I have ocd but this post is getting too long. Please respond with any insight or information.

Recently diagnosed and I have an 15 month old toddler. She is a bubbly energetic amazing girl. Those with kids understand starting and finishing tasks aren’t always easy. If I’m doing the dishes, or the couch covers start sliding down the couch onto the floor. Tasks get interrupted and I spiral. No matter how much I’ve done for the day I feel unorganized and chaotic and disheveled. I don’t want my unease to run onto her. My ocd in these areas affect other areas too and the obsession over if I’m a good enough mother or if my compulsions and obsessions are getting in the way of being the mom she deserves. Other parents, insightful lovely people. Please words of wisdom. How do you deal?

I’ve got a friend who has been diagnosed with OCD for nearly 15 years now, and I suppose I just sort of assumed OCD is just one of those things you have always had since childhood. It sounds quite daft but I never considered it suddenly onsetting in someone’s life until I was telling my friend how I was feeling/the skin picking. I stopped in the middle of a sentence and said, “I think it’s possible I may have OCD.” She just said, “Yeah, I think so too. Let me send you some resources and info on how to find a doctor who is specially trained in this.” I’ve been picking at my skin for a handful of years now, but lately I’ve been so stressed I’ve started to pick at my scalp for dry patches that aren’t there. Sometimes I’ll draw blood with my persistence. I’ve been considering that I might be trans for about a year and a half now, but I’m worried that I’m just cosplaying as being trans and that I’m an imposter who is wrong. I dress like a boy, I bind/pack, I’ve cut my hair short, and I’ve told a handful of people my chosen name and pronouns. All of those things feel good. I know I don’t actually pass but those things feel more comfortable than when I tried to perform hyper-femininity. I used to get really bad retroactive jealousy about partners anytime I was in a relationship. It was intense and completely inappropriate. I used to obsess over his tone and cadence and always worried he was mad at me. When I’m at work I have to completely reorganize my work station if I’ve been rotated, even if it’s just for the day. I can’t cope in someone else’s set up, and I have to wipe the surface down with disinfectant or else I feel the need to constantly wash my hands and use hand sanitizer. I wipe my phone down with bleach anytime I think it may have touched an unclean surface on public transportation or at work. Anytime I see a bug in my flat I have this overwhelming urge to bleach my floors and all of the surfaces. My skin feels itchy and I simply must bleach the floors to feel clean again. I didn’t always do all of these things. I don’t know when exactly it happened, it just sort of did. I don’t even know why. Now I think I recognize it for the part it’s played in my life these last few years, and I feel defeated and exhausted. I’ve been fighting with myself over a battle I didn’t realize I was engaged in. TLDR; I didn’t realize someone could develop OCD/OCD symptoms at any point in their life. I feel a bit blindsided by the possibility that I have OCD, and I don’t know how to respond to it.

Hello! I'm really struggling with treatment right now and I was wondering if anyone (you don't have to have the OCD conqueror label of course) can share their stories of overcoming OCD. I am pretty sure it is possible to defeat OCD maybe but it would really help (if you are comfortable sharing) to hear from real people who ACTUALLY have been through the thick of OCD and has made it out the other side.

I want to cryyyyyy. I am in agony for no good reason. I went on a wonderful date the other day were we spent some very quality time together and then texted back and forth a bit and she started throwing out some ideas to hang out again. I’m working on not jumping the gun and reaching for certainty prematurely when it comes to intimacy so from my lens I have been very honest but intentional with how I’ve chosen to engage. She hasn’t responded to my message in over 48 hours and now I’m really struggling with how much this simple, probably mundane, situation is eating at me. I feel like I’m holding my breath trying to survive through this discomfort. I keep checking my phone over and over again and contending with these thoughts about what if I did something or what if she never responds and what I did to cause this. Im so tired. The issue isn’t her communication style. It’s how my brain is filling in voids. It’s so taxing and even if this is just a normal hiatus from texting (something we spoke about being okay), it’s too early in the connection to communicate what I’ve been going through and request a clarification or heads up text about not communicating for a bit. This is what she did before and I absolutely loved the way she did that. I really don’t want to text all the time back and forth that’s exhausting but the ocd is weaponizing my fear of abandonment against me. I’m working so hard to face my demons head on by putting myself in this situation and sitting with all this experience kicks up in me. Just because I have struggles, traumas, and quirks does not mean I do not deserve to love and to be loved. I’m trying to be gentle with myself throughout this but it’s really hard. It’s crazy how something so mundane can bring me to my knees. I’m so tired. So so tired. I just want a chance to practice love and mature in how I hold it. This is so much more difficult than what they sell you on in the movies and in music. There’s no perfect girl coming to nurse my woes away. No one that I can sweep off their feet high enough that it encapsulates my entire sense of self worth. That’s a trap. A sticky one. But still a trap. This is the work. Not a masochistic, white knuckling pseudo-exposure. A genuine pursuit of connection in all its imperfect glory. I post on here from time to time mostly to vent and am not really looking for a response, but I’m struggling. I don’t want reassurance I just was hoping to get some words of support from a community that understands this agony not just as a person pursuing connection but also someone the has to put effort into loosening the vice grip ocd likes to put on these circumstances. Thank you guys and happy ocd awareness week!