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I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’m so tired and frustrated. I’m on meds and in ERP therapy. I’m trying but I feel like I’m stuck.

i’m 21, 22 in june, and i feel so lost. i don’t know my path and i feel like time is running out. im also struggling with the fact that im now an adult, things considered ‘adulting’ like cooking for yourself, changing your bed, tidying up, washing pots etc. i don’t do, im ashamed to say my mum still does it most of the time for me. my mum has been on vacation, i have so many chores to do and im procrastinating them because i just don’t want to do them. i’m ordering takeout because i dont want to cook, or im having microwave meals. i know i sound like a bratty toddler but the thing is i dont WANT to do these things for myself. i wanna know if anyone else is going through it similarly?

Has anyone else’s health related ocd felt incredibly real? I have convinced myself that I am developing a life long chronic illness. I feel the symptoms of this disease quite strongly and it feels so real. I am not sure if it’s strong anxiety or depression but I do not feel right in my body. I feel sleepy and bad during the day and awake at night. I am so fixated on my energy levels that I have intense stress and panic attacks about it. When I was on Prozac (which I had to stop due to side effects) I didn’t feel these energy limiting symptoms. I do not trust myself to even go to the doctor about it because I am scared I will be wrongfully diagnosed with this disease. I feel bad for those around me at this point because my friends and family don’t know what to do for me. I am struggling to get my work done or do anything at the moment and my exposures are causing intense anxiety attacks. Can anyone give any tips or relate?

Hey everyone I just need some insight My fear is becoming someone that cannot love, or miss people, or connect with others. My fear is being empty without identity too. I think ocd has made me feel empty that I can't really answer questions about myself, that I can't even tell what is a real emotion. I specifically want to become someone who feels love, care, who has a proper identity. Maybe I am already but my brain feels foggy Wren I speak to someone, I am constantly thinking and checking if I am feeling, if I am connecting with them. I have to poke at different brain states to get a bit of emotion I don't really know what's wrong. Any insight is appreciated Growing up I did some bad things like pretend to be a super happy person so that others liked me. This makes me gross. I also wanted people to care about me, to feel cared for, so I would actually pretend to be sick ☹️ this makes me think I am genetically bad I know I had good points when I was younger, but I can't even think about what those are and I can't find the memories. I can only remember the stuff that confirms my fear. I just want to be free, loving, caring

I’m relatively new to exploring my OCD, and have been struggling with this for years but only recently put a name to it and explored the symptoms and tools for managing it. I’ve also recently committed to a relationship, and this post orients heavily around that subject. I’m a sophomore in college, and it’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship this serious. He’s a junior at a different college about 1.5 hours away. We study two vastly different things, and he’s very occupied with a number of commitments. (This is important later) I told him on one particularly bad morning about how my brain operates and obsessive thoughts that occupy my head, especially about him. I elaborated on fixation and illogical thoughts. He’s attentive and knew something was up, and came up with a mechanism for reassuring me when I’m questioning the validity of his feelings towards me (I would get worked up about the way he said something, or unresponsiveness, or something). I don’t think he knew what he was getting himself into though, and now I feel like a burden to him and should just end things before he can’t handle all my bagage anymore. As indicated, this is the first time in a while that I’ve been in a serious relationship. My past has been riddled with sexual validation instead of emotional and intellectual. I care extremely deeply though about whoever I’m committed to, and with him I bend over backwards to make things happen. He, as indicated, is extremely career focused, and while I think he’s comfortable in our relationship and does like me (further, that we both have a similar desire to love deeply), he will frequently prioritize his career more while trying to “fit me in”. I feel like I’m doing too much for someone that isn’t always reciprocating the same level of effort, but I think the crux of it is that I’ll put everything else aside for him while he manages to balance me, his social life, and career with more ease. Recently, he told me that I call/text/am involved too much. Essentially, that he can’t call me every night and when we do call it’s for hours on end and this is impeding on the rest of his life and it should be scaled down a bit. My brain took this to an extreme, and all I wanted to do is run. Illogical thoughts said this was the beginning of the end, that I’ve messed up a good thing, and that I’ve come on too strong with both my OCD, reassurance, and deep feelings. I haven’t been able to let it go, and have spiraled into all sorts of justifications about what he “really” feels and why. In the moment I was angry, upset, and irrational. I’ve calmed down, and I know these thoughts aren’t logical and further that my brain is attacking me. It’s a flare up, and I recognize that but how do I navigate my OCD with my partner? Also, a little advice would be appreciated. How set boundaries with myself for giving him a little breathing room- now that the novelty of the new relationship is dying down. How does my OCD play into this, especially with analyzing how he feels, and how do I quiet the obsessive thoughts in my head. Disclaimer- I know OCD comes in all types of forms, and that this isn’t the most extreme. My symptoms are very real though, and impede my ability to think and function properly. I appreciate any grace you all have :) thank you.

Went to a birthday celebration with my mom's friend, it wasn't a party or anything more so of a gathering. I felt awkward at first and struggled to speak, but I grew to feel more comfortable. But instead of making an entire storytime I'll just list of things that triggered me and how I dealt with it ! Trigger #1: One asked me if I had a partner currently, mostly since tomorrow is Valentines Day. I remember telling her when I was in a discovery phase that I wasn't straight, now I am straight/demi and Soocd got really triggered because I was asked "partner" and not boyfriend. My real Event OCD got triggered as well from my first relationship (which I've mentioned before, has traumatized me) but instead of saying or doing anything to attempt to "reassure me" I just said "no no no haha" and left it as that. Completely uncertain. "^.^ I may seem gay which that isn't true, but it's not a sin if I was so... oh well if that thought is the case. Trigger #2 (aka most memorable one): I Was told a little kid is coming over, POCD was grinning. I was nervous and even said "Ok, I'm not really a baby person lol.. I'm not good with kids whatsoever" and so the kid came. He is barely a toddler. Me and a member at the gathering was left with the kid to take care of for a while and I said, "haha left it with the two people who doesn't know how to deal with kids. 😅" But oh well, we decided to watch Mickey Mouse with him and as time passed my, my OCD sort of dimmed temporarily.. I began to talk to the kid and make silly gestures. I pointed at things from the video and gave words of encouragement each time he said something. I was then told: "Ok, what do you mean you're not good with kids? You are really GOOD with kids!" I had a suprised smile and it's like my OCD took offense by it. That sort of led to me playing with the kid even when I didn't have to anymore, he played with my bracelets and watched Mickey Mouse as I let him be on my lap. We played peekaboo for a few minutes and we looked at silly filters on Instagram. At one point he began to feel really comfortable and sleepy on me. Etc. I felt like I was no longer crazy, I got to finally see who I really was as a person for once. I was taken pictures of with the little boy in my arms. He was super cute..! --- When I had to leave, the baby began to point towards me and cried. I felt my eyes began to slightly watered suddenly and I waved bye to him. Wow. Huh... Yes my OCD still gave me awful intrusive thoughts at some point, I had scary thoughts such as "What if the baby saw something offensive on my phone? Uh oh that Instagram sticker is odd I'm scared I traumatized him somehow... ugh, did everyone think I was weird? I was awkward, I think?" Which DO NOT answer !!! I didn't answer, and I didn't listen to my mind, I just shook my head and continued on. Oh well if it's true. <:") Ehh ehh you see me sitting with uncertainty again ? 🌝✨️ But uhm.. I'm happy with how this afternoon went and it left me feeling a certain way. OCD makes me feeling a heartless girl and a monster, I never feel as gentle anymore and I feel as if I don't have a sweet heart. But times like these reminds me that OCD is wrong, I am a gentle being. <3

I can’t even function during the day that night replays in my head. I am having trouble eating :/

Hi everyone I am wondering if anyone else experiences this? I feel like I have conversations in my head all the time. If I am not actively having a conversation with someone I am almost daydreaming about having conversations. It’s almost like instead of having internal dialogue about my obsessions I am imagining myself talking about my obsessions with someone else? The daydreams in and of themselves are obsessions I think lol! Is this a “mental compulsion”? If it is I do it all the time and don’t know how to stop lol.

Afraid I’m lukewarm again and complacent and feel like I don’t spend enough time with the Lord or when I repent I feel like I just say and and keep acting the same way. I love to be silly and laugh and stuff but feels like wrong. I don’t want to cherry pick but how do I know if I am or not I believe in him and his sacrifice I’m just scared when I die I’m gonna be a fraud and that I’m not a true disciple cuz I’m not bold in my faith or talk about it much but try to represent Christ wherever I go in public but my inward things I struggle with make me fake and evil and don’t feel like I’m being truly transformed and still struggle with so much

Yesterday I got high ( by weed ), it was really fun and I felt like I had peace of mind. When I woke up this morning I was afraid, afraid that what if I did something horrible and then forgot about it, because I was under the influence. I am currently in a cottage with some of my vest friends, but I am in a state of so much panic and anxiety. I am afraid that my friends are withholding information about the night, and that they now think I am a terrible and dangerous human being. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advise on how to deal with ocd in relation to getting high, and the aftermath of that.

i have many chronic health issues, the foremost being dysautonomia (dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system), the cause of which is still unknown. i experience drastically varying levels of nausea, dizziness, fatigue, headaches, etc every day, and having such an unpredictable condition that's also unidentified really aggravates my ocd. any time i have a symptom i haven't had in a while, or a new combo of symptoms, or i'm on a new medication (like right now) my brain immediately goes into overdrive. i'm hyperaware of what's going on in my body and desperately trying to figure out what's causing it, whether anything is different, and of course googling obsessively, even if i've googled it many times before. it just sucks. plus all the bullshit of having to deal with the healthcare system and insurance makes me anxious and enraged. i get caught in thought spirals about this as well. if anyone can relate please share. it's rough out here. 🤕

I am afraid to take OCD meds since some of them are the same that's being used to control bipolar and schizophrenia and since there's a genetic component I'm scared that if I take these meds I will get bipolar or schizophrenia or at least get worse also some of the side effects are intolerable so what do u think am I overreacting what was and what is Ur experience with OCD meds

Can your OCD make you think of some terrible outcome, and the only way to make the outcome not happen and replace it with a good ending is to do this other thing instead? Only for that other thing to not be helpful or worse even? Like you did this one thing to not have something terrible happen because your OCD made you think so, only for the thing your OCD made you think was good, actually wasn't good for anyone?

I think I just went through a little moment that triggered me. I was at the beach with my family. My sister and brother in law are in town from a state that just had snow. My mother was working from home today so she came to the beach too. I’m unemployed so I also went. I go there at 12:30pm, mom was there and my sister & brother in law were there but went for a walk. I walked with my mom and swam in the ocean too. After a while around 1:30/1:45 my sister and brother in law come back. We’re all hungry so my mom sends them to get sandwiches for us. This is around 2pm. My mom was on a work call and I was alone. I use to be a lifeguard at the beach so I felt that they were watching me and judging me even though they probably weren’t. I thought maybe they are judging me for not being at work right now. For being at the beach on a Thursday instead of working. That I’m privileged or why am I not doing something better with my life. I think it was my own internal critic and my brain convinced they were really judging me. I couldn’t bear to be alone at the beach while waiting for my sister to come. I thought I should be doing something more productive with my life. It’s makes me upset because I know that I won’t always have the opportunity to be with my family all the time and I can’t even enjoy it without criticizing myself for not working. I know I will work in the future. Hopefully doing something I love. But I’m in a transition phase right now. The post college into adulthood phase. The figuring life out phase. It doesn’t help that I feel extra judged by my brother in law. Yesterday he said “so what do you do all day? Are you working? It’s good to be busy.” So being at the beach with him doesn’t exactly feel relaxing. Even though I just want to spend time with my sister since she moved states. I decided to get up and leave. I instantly started questioning myself. Why am I leaving? Should I go back? No I if I go back now I’ll look crazy. These episodes of going back and forth. Of not being able to go all the way with one decision are frequent for me. They make me cry because it’s like I can’t think for myself. I thought I should go home and do something productive but at the same time my family is at the beach and I want to be with them right now. But if I go back I’ll look crazy and they’ll ask me why I left. I didn’t go back but I want to.

Having panic attack I know I’m not choking because I can talk and it’s been 20 minutes but I feel like I can’t breathe and I’m alone and I’m so scared to be alone

18+ THIS SITUATION HAPPENED 4-5 YEARS AGO UPDATE: This is my first post of the day so please take that context in mind... I'm genuinely feel so triggered and anxious... I'm gonna go to sleep right now, but I genuinely dont think I'll be able to ever be able to look my friends and family in the eye if this is true... ive been holding in the compulsions today all day... but right now its genuinely terrifying me... i have a girlfriend now (over 2 months) and i dont want to lose her... she's kind, and lovely, and the one I wanna marry one day... but then I look at myself... and my past... and I genuinely don't think I deserve her... Oh dear god... I dont know... but I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... i genuinely just feel hopeless... And its all my fault... All of it...

My bf and I have not been in a great place in our relationship lately. I have not been the best gf. We had a discussion/argument last night that was decently fruitful. He told me to list three things that I can do to improve our relationship based on concerns that he had. I listed three but he said I missed the point about one of his concerns. We talked for a little while longer and then I told him that I needed to go to bed so I didn't fall asleep as it was getting late. He hung up and when I texted him he said I made him cry. I thought perhaps it was because I had to go, but he wouldn't really tell me because he said this happens every time we talk. After more discussion I think it's because I missed the point on his concern earlier. I struggle to process things correctly sometimes and I'm at a loss for what to do. I feel awful and fear he'll break up with me.

I remembered I think I went on Instagram sometime last year and I looked up the account of this guy from highschool that I embarrassingly liked in my senior year and made a fool of myself (graduated 3 years ago) and I think I was wondering if him and his girlfriend were still together because I remembered he used to mention her in class and I’d see them walk together and such and we were sort of acquaintances I guess and I think remembered an embarrassing memory from high school i dont know why but I think i would get memories and such sometimes and I’d wonder and then I’d be like “Hmm let me check” which my ocd attached to and was like “What if you did this out of unloyal intent?” Or what if you’re lying to yourself? What if you said something wrong or flirty or unloyal?” And I started spiraling. I’m pretty sure I got curious and checked when my fiancé and I had just started dating but I know I’m a curious person so I know it was just out of curiosity, because I’d never ever want to intentionally hurt or upset my fiancé because I love him so much. I also remembered an instance where my fiancé and I went to a car show with his friends and I always hate seeing people I graduated with from high-school, it was embarrassing or weird to me because they knew how I was in high-school, but I saw him there, and I just kept glancing over to see where he was I guess because I saw at some points he’d glance over at me and stuff. And id see him and his friends laugh so I dont know I felt sort of anxious when I’d see him and I remembered I’d do my best to avoid them because I could just feel the anxiety in my body, and I was embarrassed since my highschool self really embarrasses me when I think of how desperate I was for attention and now my anxiety and OCD attached to it and is trying to convince me my actions were for other reasons and I’m panicking about it, it’s making me feel like I cheated or I was disrespectful to my relationship. And recently my fiancé and I went to this same car show again where I saw that guy at previously and when we were walking around someone near us who looked like him I remembered I was glancing at the cars and I saw that person and I felt like a pang of anxiety in my chest and just this anxious feeling in my stomach it was like my stomach dropped. My ocd has latched onto it and is like “What if you wanted to see him?” And so on, I tried telling myself later “No stop putting lies in my head” and such but just so many other intrusive thoughts came after. I hate this ocd so much and I just I’d never ever want to upset my fiancé he is my world and more and just I get so upset that he also has to deal with all these things in my head :( I also deal with compulsive staring which makes this so much worse especially when I’m triggered because it causes me to basically continuously stare at the person or object that triggered me and it’s like my brain forces me to look it’s so annoying, and then my ocd latched onto that and tells me it “means something” I hate this ocd so much ugh I just want to get rid of it :(

I need to remain rational and not get stuck in the loop that a routine medical procedure of an xray that millions of people get everyday somehow impacted me adversely because I felt a jot of something when the photo was taken and that I’m going to not live because of it. I might have felt a weird energy or air or something that really scared me but I can’t then take it to a place that I will no live much longer then. It’s just so hard. I feel helpless and just want to go back to the doctors office to tell them I’m unhappy and have them show me this happens to others. I’m terrified. And the worst part is there’s nothing I can do. Am I wrong?

I have this huge obsession that I will cheat on my boyfriend. Like to the point where I won’t even walk past a guy because I think I did something wrong or randomly kiss him (weird I know) Today I was at work and I was throwing out the garbage and this guy that works next store was throwing something out too and he let me go first so I went said thank you and walked away but felt weird bc he was next to me but I didn’t like being outside with 2 guys it made me feel very anxious. So then I had one more garbage to bring and I turned around and he was walking towards me and told me to give it to him and he took it from me and threw it out for me so I just stuck out my hand gave him the garbage turned my head and walked away and said thank you. But in my head I’m nervous I was too close to him and that I kissed him or something. I know this sounds ridiculous but it’s not something I would ever want to do. Even if I was single I would not just go around kissing people like wtf. But Because I love my boyfriend so much and my brain like only lives in anxious mode, I can’t see clearly. literally 2 seconds after I do something I think I did something completely opposite of what I did. When I came back inside I felt hot and I wanted to cry so badly I just felt wrong my head was starting to hurt. And it’s all because some guy wanted to do something nice for me. But I can’t do things alone I need like witnesses 24/7 it’s bad and now I just want to go to bed and cry because I can’t handle feeling like this anymore Does anyone else get this? I need to know I’m not alone bc this is confusing 🙃