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Trying my best to stop ruminating and practice acceptance and the possibility and not possibility of things being real. How many times am I going to have to tell myself the exact same thing

Is this just me or when you come across Christian shorts on tik tok or YouTube do you feel obligated to watch them. I feel like if I don't watch them then I am sinning. But most of these videos are just repeating the same thing. Idk if this is just me but I just feel like I have to watch them because it's would be worse to not watch them than to break a commandment.

I hate each and every one of them. They're money hungry people who gatekeep the mental health I need all because I'm unemployed. I can't function because these idiots charge like $200 each session. They skimp when it comes to the sliding scale. It's all about profit to them. I'm right here dealing with an OCD loop that has been lasting like 3 days and there is no way to stop it because I've been priced out.

Where it's like "help the poor, oppressed, marginalized or youre a bad person" but also "don't help them too much cause that's saviorism" but also "don't talk about how you help because that's virtue signaling ," but also "silence is complicit speak out!" Like how do we know if we are doing the morally right thing?

I don't even know why this suddenly started upsetting me when I've been doing it for months, but it's triggering my OCD so badly now. I feel like crying. I do creative writing and it's my haven, my safe place, my favorite thing to do. I write fanfictions and write about things that are important to me and it's helped so much. For a few months, I've been using DeepSeek AI to help give me feedback. I show my work every 1000 words in and then it gives me bullet points that I'll show a screenshot for. After it gives it critiques, I go back and manually fix everything; edit sentences, add more pacing, remove stuff when I feel like it was going on too long, etc. It helped a lot with seeing mistakes I didn't notice before, but my writing wouldn't change that much with or without it since I just use it for help proofreading when I'm done with a large chunk and just need to edit. For whatever reason, I feel this horrendous guilt for using this tool-- like I'm cheating or not a real writer. It feels terrible because I write everything myself and it gives feedback like a friend or teacher, but I feel so terrible. I think it's because a lot of people on Tik Tok or social media would judge me, even though my online friends love my writing and think that I'm overthinking this a lot. I can't write without feeling guilty or like I need to confess the whole process so people know that I write everything myself and I'm not using it to write anything for me. I'm scared people will assume I'm lying. I never worried about this before I started seeing so much stuff on social media. I just want my favorite hobby back :( (note: the story was about a boyfriend comforting his trans boyfriend through his period)

so my dad is Jewish and my mom is Christian. I used to go to Hebrew school when I was younger, but recently I started going to church and becoming a Christian and turning to Jesus and when I recently got diagnosed with OCD a couple months ago I had really really bad religious OCD. I had very disrespectful thoughts about Jesusand God, but mainly Jesus. and I had very disturbing thoughts about Jesus that made me avoid a lot of things, but I know that’s making the OCD worse. I’m doing erp currently my religious OCD has honestly gone away. I’ve dealt with it. I am managing it but ever since I’ve had religious OCD and had disturbing and disrespectful thoughts about God in Jesus mainly Jesus, I’ve felt a awkward distance between me, God and Jesus and it just feels like I’m going to hell and they don’t love me anymore and I haven’t felt the same presence from God ever since I’ve had religious OCD and I’ve had some situations that I felt like I blasphemy the Holy Spirit and I committed blasphemy and I just feel like God really doesn’t love me anymore and I’m done for i’ve kind of been numb to it so it’s not really bothering me, but I want a better relationship with God and Jesus it just feels like they don’t love me anymore. Has anyone else gone through this? and I’ve had situations where I felt like I was very disrespectful and mocked God and Jesus, but mainly Jesus. And i freaked out for days didn’t feel like myself repented multiple times pretty sure this is just religious OCD but seriously I have not felt the same with my relationship with God and Jesus. OCD has really really affected my life and it sucks. I’m going through Harm OCD right now. So religious OCD has kinda gone away but I just want a better relationship with God and Jesus sorry this text is so long. Has anyone else gone through this?

When did you get diagnosed and what was the reason you knew that wasn't,,normal,, behavior and how did you handle the diagnosed and felt after you got it? I got diagnosed with I think 12/13? And it's bcuz I would arrange tables and my mum found it annoying. But for me the diagnosed was somehow relieving bcuz I knew I wasn't a freak ,but on the other hand I was sad getting the diagnosed bcuz it was written on paper that I am mentally ill

My boyfriend of 3 months is leaving for college in 2 weeks and I am terrified. He is picking up a girl on his way that is 12 hours away from where I am and they are driving together to the college. What if he realizes that I am not the right person for him? What if he falls out of love? What if he forgets what me and him have built here? It’s all about the “what ifs” and I don’t know how to stop. I have been praying for weeks now and I know the Lord will work in us to help this but what if my boyfriend is not in my future? I am terrified and have no idea how to stop the spiral.

My partner told his therapist about my OCD compulsions and his therapist basically said that I’m not being accountable for the role I play in our arguments even after my partner said that I am. His therapist just said I’m insecure and need help. I feel really dismissed right now and down.

I'm doing ERP to beat my 3.5 long POCD with groinal responses. This implies walking near kids and trying to loosen up my hyperfixation on groinal responses (not caring about what I feel there). Obviously ERP is distressing. In fact, being scared is probably a good sign in this context, because it means I'm doing my exposures correctly. However, what's much more scary is that in all of these years of OCD there were countless times when I experienced actual muscle contractions/retractions in groinal area. And I can't tell if all of those were accidents. Sure, I don't want to do it (except if I'm relaxing muscles in order to avoid groinal sensations), but was it really an accident? And that's what is destroying me. I'm actively having those feelings near poor kids, even though I always believed myself to be a good person. Now there's no turning back. And I'm turning 18 in two weeks. How can I be enthusiastic about anything when I know that my OCD turned me into an actual monster. I want to continue ERP, but I can't imagine myself living on happily even if I somehow cure OCD

I have OCD and C-PTSD and so sometimes having a different opinion makes me feel like I'm automatically wrong or like I'm a bad person for thinking differently. I feel like this is esepecially true with social media and Tik Tok when you see other people's opinions from a lot of different perspectives and people get labeled at a bad person by strangers who don't know them. I don't want to feel like a bad person for having a different opinion than friends and/or the internet. I mostly think the same as them in a lot of different ways, but one or two things I think differently (examples of my thoughts I see are different sometimes: I think people can change but that doesn't excuse their actions and they should get therapy; I don't think all AI is bad, it just needs better regulation and shouldn't be used to replace people, I think it can be a helpful tool; I think just because someone uploads something that's considered "weird" on a public site (like cosplay, or a fashion choice, or etc) doesn't make it okay to make a video about them and making fun of them or be mean (like the teen/child who did the "bad" red lobster cover)) How do I learn to be okay with having different opinions than other people?

For several years of my life, OCD made some days, months even, incredibly difficult. I wasn’t sure I would get through that time, but somehow I prevailed. Through therapy, I’m starting to learn how to handle my symptoms and move away from compulsions. That doesn’t mean every day is easy, but that I’m starting to stop avoiding the things that trigger me. I feel like I’m building more trust with myself and moving towards a brighter future that OCD doesn’t dictate. I am so grateful towards myself, my therapist, and my other supports that I have reached this point, and really proud of how much I am growing.

Currently feeling extremely shameful for something I did in the past. Any advice? I've had periods of coming to terms with it and understanding that it was just a mistake, as no one got hurt, but now it's resurfacing again.

hi everyone!! so idk if anyone will see this, but i guess i have a lot of questions. i got diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago or so but i’ve had it for as long as i can remember. my obsessions and compulsions root from my worst fears and what i’m most afraid of losing. when i was really young, it started with doing things or else the devil was going to come and get me, because that was my worst fear at that time. i have to count, i usually do things in pairs of 3. i HATE even numbers. only odd numbers. sometimes i spend a lot of time redoing something over and over and over again just until it feels “right.” i have super bad sensory issues. i cut the tags out of everything i own, my nails have to be short or else i will dig them into my skin until i bleed because it just doesn’t feel right. at school i used to be late to class because i would be at my locker turning the combination either 3, 7, 9, 11, or 13 times. it just depended on what felt right. before i would go to bed i would have to sit up and check the door 3 , 7, 9… etc. one time i had to check 27 times before i could go to sleep. i’m actually scared of getting things i want in life because my OCD will hold it against me. “you better do this or else you’ll lose this.” the more happy i am in life, the worse my OCD gets. it prays on my worst fears. if there is even something slightly wrong with my clothes: a tiny thread hanging lose, a bad memory attached, i will never wear it again. there’s one thing im sorta embarrassed to say but it’s one of my worst ones. basically: peeing. at night, i have to continuously go to the bathroom over and over again because i feel like my bladder isn’t completely empty. i will keep telling myself “it’s full, i have to go.” even when i just peed 5 minutes ago. and due to this, it causes a lot of wiping. i have wiped myself raw to the point i bleed a lot. it’s embarrassing, but i can’t stop. it never feels clean enough. my hair is never perfect enough. my clothes are ugly. i think i mostly struggle with perfectionism OCD. but is that it? i also feel like if i don’t do certain things, it will cause something bad to happen to my family or friends. like i have magical control over events. i don’t know. can someone help please?

Has anyone ever spent time in an inpatient facility? I’ve been considering that form of treatment because I feel so trapped in myself and I need some comfort and guidance. I’ve spoken with my family about it and they think I need it and have been asking me for months to go check in somewhere. Please share your experience. Thanks

I just got done with an appointment with my psychiatrist and I believe she said that I have ocd, anxiety, and depression but I keep telling myself that she didn’t say ocd. I feel like I held back on a lot of how I actually felt because I was scared she was going to say I was crazy or something so I kinda down played what goes on in my head. I’m over analyzing things I said in the meeting and thinking that I might have said things that aren’t true. I feel like she doesn’t know the severity of it so she doesn’t think I have ocd. I want to text and ask her to confirm or should I just wait until my next appointment.

I’m not sure what to do. I have a trip to Disney in less than a week, but my anxiety is debilitating right now. Ive barely been able to sleep or eat in 5 days, and it’s not getting any better. I don’t want to not go on this trip because that’ll just prove to the anxiety that I can’t do it, but I truly can’t go while I’m feeling like this. I won’t be able to do anything. I’ve felt like this before, but I’ve never had an obligation like this during a bad spiral. I really don’t know what to do. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I’m heavily medicated, I do breathe work, I do mindfulness exercises and nothing eases the anxiety. Every time that I think I’m fine I think about Disney and freak out again. If anyone has any advice or even just encouragement I’d really appreciate it. Thank you

I feel like legit everything I do revolves around an ocd theme. So I feel like a lost cause because I’m so obsessive. I don’t even know what it would be like to have free flowing thoughts, not have (literally), every ocd theme, not to feel anxious, not to search for worry or feel jealous or paranoid, no counting. This disorder truly sucks. I also wonder how long it would take for me to succeed with ERP therapy if I did it.

I’m thinking about starting sertraline (Zoloft) soon. What are your experiences on it? Is it worth it? I mainly wanna take it for my social anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Depression isn’t a problem I face. What dosages are you on? Are you happy with it?

I don’t know if I love him. I don’t think I do. I want to. I want to so fucking bad. I loved him. Before this I loved him so deeply we were such a good match but lately. Maybe just the past month were either fighting or not talking. Ik all couples go through rough patches. But this feels more. I wanan work through this. Ik all the problems are my fault. The jealousy, the resentment, the anger. It’s all on me. I’m the problem. But idk how to fix it. Idk how to stop being mad when he talks abt spending time with his friends. Idk how to stop being sad when he leaves to hang out with them. Idk how to not cry myself to sleep when he wants alone time. I wanna be with him. I want this relationship. But the good is so few and far between. The laughter and smiles is so fleeting. So much of my time is spent wondering if he hates me or if I hate him. I don’t wanna hate him. I wanna build a life with him. I see a future with him. But idk if I’ll ever truly be happy with him cuz of my jealousy and the fear I don’t love him. I try. I try so hard. Ik love is a choice not just a feeling but it’s so hard to make that choice when my brain tells me he wouldn’t make that choice. When I feel like he hates me and I’m boring him. When I’m insecure I feel so mad and angry that I can’t love him. I can’t feel any good feelings I’m just mad. And I hate it. I want us to be happy but I just know he likes being around them more. I just know I’m a chore to him. And I hate it. I love him. I love his beautiful face and his laugh. I love when we’re happy and good. And ik relationships require sticking it out through the bad. But I feel so guilty and so mad at the same time. I think abt are future and this pit is in my stomach and idk if it’s cuz im rlly anxious rn cuz i feel like he doesn’t love me or cuz i really don’t wanna be with him. I wanna be with him. I want him so fucking much. And I care abt him. But the constant questioning of my feelings and his feelings is driving me crazy. Idk what’s real and what’s fake. This relationship feels doomed and if it is idk if I’m gunna be able to handle the breakup. I love him. I care abt him. I want us to be together forever. I wanna grow old with him. But idk how to stop the bad feelings. How to stop the anxiety and anger. I just wanna love him and he love me. I pray for it every night and I try to be a good person but I’m so jealous and scared I keep ruing it. Idk what I want from this. Reassurance ig. Like can our relationship survive what’s happening? Is there a way to get better? To stop being jealous of him doing things without me. I don’t wanna become a bitter hateful gf. I just want us to be together and happy. Ik love is a choice not just a feeling. Ik you have to choose your partner every day even when you don’t want to and it sucks. But I’m so tired of feeling this. I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. I wanna be happy in this relationship. Ik deep down he’s the one for me. Ik I’m where I’m supposed to be when I’m with him. But idk if I truelly love him or if I’m just scared of losing all that we’ve built. Idk. Has anyone been where I’m at and if so how did you get through it? How do you get through the constant worrying abt both yours and your partners feelings?