Currently feeling extremely shameful for something I did in the past. Any advice? I've had periods of coming to terms with it and understanding that it was just a mistake, as no one got hurt, but now it's resurfacing again.
real event ocd is very hard. it's my main theme and keeps haunting me even now. i understand completely how you feel. when it comes to this theme something i recommend practicing unconditional self acceptance. it's similar to the "maybe, maybe not" strategy, but with this you accept yourself, no matter what you've done, and attempt to move on, not engaging with the thoughts and compulsing. some very specific advice that helped me (but i'm not sure if it could help you) was self talk such as "so what if i did something bad? i'll do it again!" it may seem counterproductive but it helps with taking control of your anxiety. i think there is a video on YouTube that talks about unconditional self acceptance. i used to listen to it to calm down from spirals :)
Thank you so much. I appreciate the advice. I will try my best to move forward.
"maybe / maybe not" doesn't work with me. I'm someone who likes knowing the truth and I care about my integrity. This sounds like I have to choose to be delusional to "move on?" Also, there is no "maybe" about what I did or didn't do, so this would just be lying to myself. Is this really all ERP teaches?
@Dude01 I feel like when it comes to certain things you know you did "wrong," it comes down to three things: 1. Did you hurt anybody? 2. What were your intentions during the action? 3. Did you apologize, take accountability and change. If you did those three things, then I'm pretty sure you're a good person and genuinely didn't do anything terrible for the sake of being terrible, but rather a genuine human error. Unfortunately, OCD clouds what you intended to do in that moment and makes you second guess everything about yourself.
@Dude01 maybe maybe not is not applied to the event, but rather the ocd interpretation of the consequences. as in, "maybe something bad will happen because of this event, maybe not" you don't have to act like your event isn't real. are you practicing ERP by yourself or with a therapist? i can't give you professional advice, but i'm pretty sure not all forms of ERP work for everyone. and ERP (exposure and response prevention) allows us to be exposed to things that trigger or ocd but we choose not to compulse. maybe/maybe not is a great strategy to deal with rumination, a very common compulsion. hope this clears some things up :)
@Anonymous great reply, but i think the emphasis on making amends can fuel guilt and lead to rumination. i think it's fine being uncertain about a past event, and we don't need to figure it out or try to rationalise what happened. a lot of people who suffer from REOCD may have hurt people and in some cases, it may be impossible to make amends -> apply ocd logic -> results in chronic guilt. i don't recommend this approach as it can make reocd recovery slower.
@ydyydy That's fair. I guess I just used my own experience cause I apologized to the person I "hurt" twice and they told me both times it was okay.
@ydyydy Yeah for sure
@ydyydy - That helps clear it up thanks. Do you think part of ERP is going down the rabbit hole to get to the core / root fears and then going 'maybe maybe not?'
id say ive had (and still kind of have) some of the worst real event/moral ocd, so i get how overwhelming it can be. what really helped me was realizing that my ocd hates permanence. when i broke my routines in small ways, the thoughts (even unrelated to theme ones!) actually started to ease up. If you’re someone who finds comfort in mantras or grounding thoughts, here are a few that helped me 1. If you had actually hurt someone, you would’ve been told and in the case you did all you could do is own it, apologize, and move forward. 2. memory isn’t reliable. you might remember doing one thing with a certain intention, but someone else might remember it totally differently 3. you don’t need to figure it all out right now. you’re allowed to let things be unresolved for now or forever
Yeah, thank you. Just sucks because I feel like such a terrible person. I remember my intention but even OCD is making it cloudy.
Not sure if this is helpful but when this happens to me I remind myself I’m human and that EVERYONE around me has done things they regret, are ashamed of, are embarrassed about, feel guilty about etc. and thats a part of being alive and it is okay! Remember to give yourself grace and comfort just as you would a friend if they were going through this. Hope you find some relief soon!
Yeah that is true. I guess I just feel like I committed some unforgivable sin.
@Anonymous I know it feels that way but remember not every thought or feeling we have is fact or truth.
@OpalRain Yeah. I try my best.
@Anonymous We’re all here with you. I’m sorry I can’t be of help.
@OpalRain No you're okay. Thank you for your response.
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
With real event OCD, I don’t know if any of you feel this way, but do you ever feel that the past event(s) that you ruminate about or constantly obsess about are gonna come up in your future and just absolutely ruin you, that’s how I’ve been feeling for months, it just feels like impending doom, and I hate having to even think that my future would be ruined by what I did as a teenager, and I did some dumb things, that I regret so deeply, I just can’t stop thinking about that.
*Trigger Warning: Work, Mistake, Harm, Real Event* Afraid to post this… One of the worst theme I've ever had is the fact that I made a mistake at work many years ago and will not be able to find out if anyone was harmed. My brain takes the worst-case scenario as reality (which is so painful), and researching has only led to more panic. I have been thinking about this incident for about a year now and am filled with fear and guilt. Is there anyone here with similar experiences or tips that could help? I would be grateful for any response...
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