My partner told his therapist about my OCD compulsions and his therapist basically said that I’m not being accountable for the role I play in our arguments even after my partner said that I am. His therapist just said I’m insecure and need help. I feel really dismissed right now and down.
I'm so sorry to hear that! I think its important to keep in mind that therapists form opinions based on their client they're talking to and how they portray them; it doesn't mean that they're automatically right because they're a therapist if they haven't met you or don't know your perspective. For example, if you were my friend and came to me about this, I'd be bias to agree with you because I know you and your perspective, but that doesn't mean you're right or that my opinion is. The same applies to his therapist; his therapist is bias towards him and the information the therapist gets from your partner. Have you communicated to your partner about this or can I ask about the details to help with insight?
@AnAnxiousPerson My partners therapist has met me a few times before and my partner tells me that he says that I am accountable to the therapist and trying in the relationship and don’t blame him for everything but I guess the therapist doesn’t say anything when he says that or says it doesn’t sound like it. I sent my partner an article about attachment styles and how I think he has a certain attachment style. The reason I sent it was to show my partner that I’m trying to understand how they operate and be more understanding. He showed his therapist what I sent and the therapist said “well, where’s HER write up?” When my intention wasn’t to be blaming my partner of anything but to show him that I’m trying to understand. Just frustrating because the therapist just calls me insecure.
@OpalRain - That therapist sounds unprofessional to me. My therapist has never made a person negative statement like that unless I've explicitly said a lot of bad things about the person (like abusive parents). As someone who was going to go to school to be a therapist and is now training to be a caregiver, those statements are unprofessional and their therapist should be asking open-ended, unbias questions. Learning attachment styles is an EXCELLENT way to learn about yourself and your partner. Maybe ask your partner why their therapist specifically doesnt like you? To me, it seems genuinely unprofessional for them to openly dislike you so much
Some therapists can be invalidating and speak with their own bias, which is a shame because it’s their job to be open to different perspectives. I’ve experienced similar as well
@Love1another<3 I’ve learned to just view them as human so they have flaws and they’re not right about everything, even if they have a degree
I actually and going to school currently for social work and I thought it to be unprofessional as well. I thought learning attachment styles would be of great value to better understand each other but it just seems like no matter what I’m the bad person. I know I shouldn’t care that much as long as my partner listens and validates me and I also validate them, but it’s also crappy feeling that his therapist that’s supposed to help him sounds dismissive of both me and him.
I talked to my therapist about the emotional disconnection I feel in my relationship — how I often feel nothing when I’m with my boyfriend, how I feel irritated or even disgusted during intimate moments, and how all of this creates constant fear and sadness in me. I told her that I want to love him, that I used to feel more, and that I believe my thoughts and reactions are part of something deeper — like ROCD — not necessarily the truth. But she said something like, “It doesn’t make sense that you want to love him but don’t feel love,” and suggested that I might just be lying to myself and need to “accept the truth.” That crushed me. I kept explaining that these thoughts feel obsessive, that they don’t align with my values or how I see myself — that they’ve taken away my ability to feel joy or peace. And yet, I left with this terrible fear that maybe she’s right, that maybe I’m just in denial. She even told me that I have two choices: accept that I don’t love him and stay while lying to myself, or leave. And that… that made me feel like she was confirming my worst fear — not helping me explore it safely. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lie to myself. I just want clarity, and peace, and the ability to feel again. I also didn’t tell my boyfriend about the session, because he’s skeptical of therapy — he thinks therapists just want money, and that I have to “help myself” if I want to feel better. I kind of get where he’s coming from, but it still makes me feel a little alone in this. I guess I’m posting here just to say… I feel really lost right now. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is ROCD or just the truth I’m too scared to accept
just been to therapy and i was explaining my contamination ocd and says i don’t diagnose ocd but this doesn’t seem severe enough? so now im spiralling am i just lying to myself and im just a freak. does she mean my other ocds aren’t real either? i’m just honestly so upset. need advice please im just spiralling so much i take medication for ocd and basically have every symptom and subtype of ocd:(
One of my OCD problems is driving. I know that if i have to drive somewhere ill get anxiety and have my compulsions i have to do. Tonight i asked my partner if he would come with me to do a few errands that would involve alot of driving (for me, 3-4total short trips) and the thought is exhausting within itself. When i asked him he said he didn’t want to do it and didnt want to drive me around every were. He said he feels like hes been having to hold me hand through a-lot and he’s been running the ship alot for a while and he said i do help sometimes but he wants me to do things for myself. I do plenty of things for myself, and he does make me meals happily and without me asking him to. And if we have to go somewhere he will drive by default almost. But it made me mad that he was acting like he was my lord and savior and im this helpless little girl when im not. My friend helped me find a psychiatrist and my psych referred me to NOCD. He didnt do any of that. And he tried to act like he played a role. Anyways am i being dramatic and he’s setting boundaries or is he kind of being a jerk?
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