My partner told his therapist about my OCD compulsions and his therapist basically said that I’m not being accountable for the role I play in our arguments even after my partner said that I am. His therapist just said I’m insecure and need help. I feel really dismissed right now and down.
I'm so sorry to hear that! I think its important to keep in mind that therapists form opinions based on their client they're talking to and how they portray them; it doesn't mean that they're automatically right because they're a therapist if they haven't met you or don't know your perspective. For example, if you were my friend and came to me about this, I'd be bias to agree with you because I know you and your perspective, but that doesn't mean you're right or that my opinion is. The same applies to his therapist; his therapist is bias towards him and the information the therapist gets from your partner. Have you communicated to your partner about this or can I ask about the details to help with insight?
@AnAnxiousPerson My partners therapist has met me a few times before and my partner tells me that he says that I am accountable to the therapist and trying in the relationship and don’t blame him for everything but I guess the therapist doesn’t say anything when he says that or says it doesn’t sound like it. I sent my partner an article about attachment styles and how I think he has a certain attachment style. The reason I sent it was to show my partner that I’m trying to understand how they operate and be more understanding. He showed his therapist what I sent and the therapist said “well, where’s HER write up?” When my intention wasn’t to be blaming my partner of anything but to show him that I’m trying to understand. Just frustrating because the therapist just calls me insecure.
@OpalRain - That therapist sounds unprofessional to me. My therapist has never made a person negative statement like that unless I've explicitly said a lot of bad things about the person (like abusive parents). As someone who was going to go to school to be a therapist and is now training to be a caregiver, those statements are unprofessional and their therapist should be asking open-ended, unbias questions. Learning attachment styles is an EXCELLENT way to learn about yourself and your partner. Maybe ask your partner why their therapist specifically doesnt like you? To me, it seems genuinely unprofessional for them to openly dislike you so much
Some therapists can be invalidating and speak with their own bias, which is a shame because it’s their job to be open to different perspectives. I’ve experienced similar as well
@Love1another<3 I’ve learned to just view them as human so they have flaws and they’re not right about everything, even if they have a degree
I actually and going to school currently for social work and I thought it to be unprofessional as well. I thought learning attachment styles would be of great value to better understand each other but it just seems like no matter what I’m the bad person. I know I shouldn’t care that much as long as my partner listens and validates me and I also validate them, but it’s also crappy feeling that his therapist that’s supposed to help him sounds dismissive of both me and him.
I had a very bad session with a therapist today (NOT FROM NOCD). She basically told me I can’t be helped without medication, said I am too needy and if I keep being needy, people will continue to leave me, and my past trauma from relationships is my fault. I then had a second session with my old therapist who helped process and explain that OCD is lifelong and some people manage it but others have flare ups and I think I’m having a bad flare up (a month long basically) and that I may need medication which I’m terrified to go back on. Does it get better? Will I need meds? I’m scared. I don’t want to get worse and I don’t want these thoughts to scare me.
I thought I was doing so well. But then my partner accidentally & unknowingly triggered me by jokingly saying about himself that “he’s pretty ugly anyways.” My thought of thinking he looks ugly sometimes is the main thing my ocd revolves around. Now I feel like I SHOULD be distressed over this thought after him jokingly saying this. Ugh
One of my OCD problems is driving. I know that if i have to drive somewhere ill get anxiety and have my compulsions i have to do. Tonight i asked my partner if he would come with me to do a few errands that would involve alot of driving (for me, 3-4total short trips) and the thought is exhausting within itself. When i asked him he said he didn’t want to do it and didnt want to drive me around every were. He said he feels like hes been having to hold me hand through a-lot and he’s been running the ship alot for a while and he said i do help sometimes but he wants me to do things for myself. I do plenty of things for myself, and he does make me meals happily and without me asking him to. And if we have to go somewhere he will drive by default almost. But it made me mad that he was acting like he was my lord and savior and im this helpless little girl when im not. My friend helped me find a psychiatrist and my psych referred me to NOCD. He didnt do any of that. And he tried to act like he played a role. Anyways am i being dramatic and he’s setting boundaries or is he kind of being a jerk?
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