So one of my bestfriends is probably the most inconsistent friend I’ve ever had. She never reaches out to me. She rarely picks up when I call and I call frequently, if we hangout, it’s because I made the plans. But I will see her posting constantly on social media with her other friends. I never said anything. I’ve lived in my studio for a year now and she’s come by once just to see it. She lives a few blocks away from me. She works til 3, and before this she was jobless for a year. I work every day til 5:30 & I still would call her to just come hangout and watch a movie or get food whatever. I tried soooo hard. I cried to her about it 2 months ago cuz I just got dumped 3 months ago and told her how much I needed my friends now just to hangout not even to vent and she said she’d try. She didn’t. Her bday is in a couple days & she had 2 events. One last night bonfire and then another one in a week but I’m going to a concert that day. Our friend group planned a dinner 2 weeks from now that works with all our schedule so we can still celebrate her. I figured ok I wanna do that cuz the bonfire thing doesn’t sound like I’d enjoy myself cuz I’m horrible with the cold but tbh I see now I could’ve toughed it out. I planned to go out w/ friends and without a thought because well we are going to dinner soon. I been hurting and sad and needed a night out. Her bonfire was her family and co workers and I just wanted to go out w/ some other ppl to maybe feel better bout my ex. she HATED when I would speak about it. Anyway, she got mad, cussed me out, cut me out (we been friends since middle school) brought up now for years I flake on her birthdays (she tended to do big events that I just didn’t have the mental capacity to attend or they weren’t my thing or cost money I didn’t have). For the other months of the year I’m there constantly calling texting doing everything to see her and she doesn’t even bat an eye and posts on ig and I’m left on read for days. She told me that she stopped showing up for me because all I do is make excuses and make everything about me. Which is so hurtful cuz my ex JUST told me that & my ocd is spiking again because I’m feeling so horrible even tho she also won’t see where she’s wrong. And I took accountability and I didn’t even get the chance to make it up to go to the dinner that I still committed to? I just feel awful & I sent a text explaining myself and now thinking I made it about me and I’m making excuses. We are close I love her but she’s just very inconsiderate about what I been going through as well, I am not in a good place & I am sorry there is apart of me that doesn’t necessarily click with the people she’s with but I still try to come around? Idk I just feel like I’m such a bad friend

Basically, My best friends both remained close with my ex. Someone who completely broke me when we broke up. My friends know that. They remained friends with him, pretty close too. It’s always bothered me, even 3 years down the line because it’s something I would NEVER do to them. Ever. My best friend cancelled some plans we had, which was very unlike her. I asked why, she said she’s going on a walk with a friend. I was like fun! What friend? And she didn’t want to say, from that, I knew it was my ex. She then confirmed it to be my ex. It was clear I was annoyed. I’d had a shit day and that topped it off. She then cancelled the plan with him. I felt awful. I said no, just because I’m annoyed please don’t cancel. I said I’m not mad at you, I’m disappointed about the situation and the way things are. She was very understanding and said that she does not blame me for feeling upset about it. I asked her to please not cancel the plans because of me. She said she wanted to move it to another date anyways. Am I a bad friend for feeling annoyed/uncomfortable at the fact both of my best friends are close friends with my ex? It’s been 3 years and it still makes me SO uncomfortable.

the past month ive been ruminating about a time last year where i hurt a friend by unintentionally bringing up a traumatic memory when i was really drunk, enough that i didnt remember it, so i went 6 months without apologizing until i was worried when they werent talking to me anymore. so they told me when i finally tried to talk to them. i apologized and they told me we were ok now, and still want me in their life, but now they stopped talking to me again and its been 3 weeks, and im terrified that i did something again, especially since they stopped talking to me when i made a mistake before, and wont tell me outright. the event triggered horrible horrible guilt over what i did, mostly guilt About the guilt i was feeling, because its not a normal amount of guilt for a regular person, and eventually my compulsions for confessing and ruminating reached a high point. and when they stopped talking to me again they got even worse . they are aware i suffer from ocd and anxiety to an extent (we've been friends since we were teenagers) so its hard for me to believe they wouldn't do this unless i did something wrong again, especially due to the events of my past mistake. lately ive been wondering, 'have they found out my abnormal reaction to what happened ?' 'did a friend who knows about it tell them?' ive been avoiding asking them if i did something wrong again, because i dont want to make it a habit since i can fall very deeply into that hole of asking for reassurance and i feel even regular reassurance, without the ocd, im the last person who deserves that right now. im scared they somehow found out about my compulsions (which isnt entirely irrational) and i feel the need to apologize to them again. ive been having panic attacks about this. i feel like no matter what i do i cant fix our friendship, and its going to end badly. i feel like a terrible friend, and im too mentally ill to have friendships. i don't know what to do.

Not directly OCD related, but: The therapist I will be talking to is not yet my official therapist and to keep a long story as short as possible: I’m from Germany, you usually get 1-2 sessions without “signing a contract” to see if you get along, I haven’t signed yet because I honestly want a different therapist but I also don’t want to wait 6 months and this will already be my 4th session with her. This time, me and my best friend will both attend at the same time since we’ve had ongoing and reoccurring issues for the past 6 months in our friendship, including confusing romantic feelings on my behalf and an overall misunderstanding and misinterpretation of each others feelings towards each other. We both recently graduated and she already knows what university she will be attending (somewhat pretty far away from mine) and even if I wanted to I most likely can’t live near her or attend the same uni. I don’t know how to explain this, but I have been grieving part of our friendship for the past year and the first time I felt like something was off was about 1 1/2 years ago. We haven’t been friends for that long (about 2 1/2 years) but we became very close friends very quickly and I do not want to lose her. However, I do feel like she has changed. Not personality wise but in her attitude towards emotions and friendship? We used to talk so much more and everything felt happier in the beginning as it does now. Obviously our friendship has had its hardships in the last 6 months (she liked/likes(?) a boy, I liked/like(?) her, she used to like be but only in the beginning of our friendship) but I miss our conversations and picknicks and just hanging out with her like normal. We also hat a time in which we didn’t talk to each other for almost 2 months and NOTHING about this made anything easier. I’m genuinely trying to detach myself from her like she did with me but nothing works. Last week we had our high school grad ceremony and we danced and when I held her hands to guide her through the people dancing, I felt those stupid butterflies again and I genuinely don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I wouldn’t even befriend now her if we were strangers, but we made so many memories and I hate change and graduating, moving away from ALL of my friends and losing the best friend I ever had is too much for me. I get so jealous thinking about how she is going to met new friends at uni and finding a partner and forgetting about me. And I don’t know how to say any of this tomorrow because my therapist honestly doesn’t seem to care about anything I say and neither does my friend. Everytime I say that I feel like there is an issue we need to solve or talk about she just shakes it off. I feel helpless.