So one of my bestfriends is probably the most inconsistent friend I’ve ever had. She never reaches out to me. She rarely picks up when I call and I call frequently, if we hangout, it’s because I made the plans. But I will see her posting constantly on social media with her other friends. I never said anything. I’ve lived in my studio for a year now and she’s come by once just to see it. She lives a few blocks away from me. She works til 3, and before this she was jobless for a year. I work every day til 5:30 & I still would call her to just come hangout and watch a movie or get food whatever. I tried soooo hard. I cried to her about it 2 months ago cuz I just got dumped 3 months ago and told her how much I needed my friends now just to hangout not even to vent and she said she’d try. She didn’t. Her bday is in a couple days & she had 2 events. One last night bonfire and then another one in a week but I’m going to a concert that day. Our friend group planned a dinner 2 weeks from now that works with all our schedule so we can still celebrate her. I figured ok I wanna do that cuz the bonfire thing doesn’t sound like I’d enjoy myself cuz I’m horrible with the cold but tbh I see now I could’ve toughed it out. I planned to go out w/ friends and without a thought because well we are going to dinner soon. I been hurting and sad and needed a night out. Her bonfire was her family and co workers and I just wanted to go out w/ some other ppl to maybe feel better bout my ex. she HATED when I would speak about it. Anyway, she got mad, cussed me out, cut me out (we been friends since middle school) brought up now for years I flake on her birthdays (she tended to do big events that I just didn’t have the mental capacity to attend or they weren’t my thing or cost money I didn’t have). For the other months of the year I’m there constantly calling texting doing everything to see her and she doesn’t even bat an eye and posts on ig and I’m left on read for days. She told me that she stopped showing up for me because all I do is make excuses and make everything about me. Which is so hurtful cuz my ex JUST told me that & my ocd is spiking again because I’m feeling so horrible even tho she also won’t see where she’s wrong. And I took accountability and I didn’t even get the chance to make it up to go to the dinner that I still committed to? I just feel awful & I sent a text explaining myself and now thinking I made it about me and I’m making excuses. We are close I love her but she’s just very inconsiderate about what I been going through as well, I am not in a good place & I am sorry there is apart of me that doesn’t necessarily click with the people she’s with but I still try to come around? Idk I just feel like I’m such a bad friend

I’ve posted this under a comment before, but if anyone has the time to read it and maybe share their experience or tips with me, I would really appreciate it. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. I think the worst part my situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with a boy she liked (we are both girls and queer, she didn’t know that about me until recently, but I’ve known that she is and we both sort of crushed on each other). Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, I saw them talking and going quiet as I walked by, and then she literally turned to walk into a different direction. I don’t know why but it just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would throw away our friendship, or at least she treated it like it was worth less than a potential (!) relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.

Basically, My best friends both remained close with my ex. Someone who completely broke me when we broke up. My friends know that. They remained friends with him, pretty close too. It’s always bothered me, even 3 years down the line because it’s something I would NEVER do to them. Ever. My best friend cancelled some plans we had, which was very unlike her. I asked why, she said she’s going on a walk with a friend. I was like fun! What friend? And she didn’t want to say, from that, I knew it was my ex. She then confirmed it to be my ex. It was clear I was annoyed. I’d had a shit day and that topped it off. She then cancelled the plan with him. I felt awful. I said no, just because I’m annoyed please don’t cancel. I said I’m not mad at you, I’m disappointed about the situation and the way things are. She was very understanding and said that she does not blame me for feeling upset about it. I asked her to please not cancel the plans because of me. She said she wanted to move it to another date anyways. Am I a bad friend for feeling annoyed/uncomfortable at the fact both of my best friends are close friends with my ex? It’s been 3 years and it still makes me SO uncomfortable.

the past month ive been ruminating about a time last year where i hurt a friend by unintentionally bringing up a traumatic memory when i was really drunk, enough that i didnt remember it, so i went 6 months without apologizing until i was worried when they werent talking to me anymore. so they told me when i finally tried to talk to them. i apologized and they told me we were ok now, and still want me in their life, but now they stopped talking to me again and its been 3 weeks, and im terrified that i did something again, especially since they stopped talking to me when i made a mistake before, and wont tell me outright. the event triggered horrible horrible guilt over what i did, mostly guilt About the guilt i was feeling, because its not a normal amount of guilt for a regular person, and eventually my compulsions for confessing and ruminating reached a high point. and when they stopped talking to me again they got even worse . they are aware i suffer from ocd and anxiety to an extent (we've been friends since we were teenagers) so its hard for me to believe they wouldn't do this unless i did something wrong again, especially due to the events of my past mistake. lately ive been wondering, 'have they found out my abnormal reaction to what happened ?' 'did a friend who knows about it tell them?' ive been avoiding asking them if i did something wrong again, because i dont want to make it a habit since i can fall very deeply into that hole of asking for reassurance and i feel even regular reassurance, without the ocd, im the last person who deserves that right now. im scared they somehow found out about my compulsions (which isnt entirely irrational) and i feel the need to apologize to them again. ive been having panic attacks about this. i feel like no matter what i do i cant fix our friendship, and its going to end badly. i feel like a terrible friend, and im too mentally ill to have friendships. i don't know what to do.