So one of my bestfriends is probably the most inconsistent friend I’ve ever had. She never reaches out to me. She rarely picks up when I call and I call frequently, if we hangout, it’s because I made the plans. But I will see her posting constantly on social media with her other friends. I never said anything. I’ve lived in my studio for a year now and she’s come by once just to see it. She lives a few blocks away from me. She works til 3, and before this she was jobless for a year. I work every day til 5:30 & I still would call her to just come hangout and watch a movie or get food whatever. I tried soooo hard. I cried to her about it 2 months ago cuz I just got dumped 3 months ago and told her how much I needed my friends now just to hangout not even to vent and she said she’d try. She didn’t. Her bday is in a couple days & she had 2 events. One last night bonfire and then another one in a week but I’m going to a concert that day. Our friend group planned a dinner 2 weeks from now that works with all our schedule so we can still celebrate her. I figured ok I wanna do that cuz the bonfire thing doesn’t sound like I’d enjoy myself cuz I’m horrible with the cold but tbh I see now I could’ve toughed it out. I planned to go out w/ friends and without a thought because well we are going to dinner soon. I been hurting and sad and needed a night out. Her bonfire was her family and co workers and I just wanted to go out w/ some other ppl to maybe feel better bout my ex. she HATED when I would speak about it. Anyway, she got mad, cussed me out, cut me out (we been friends since middle school) brought up now for years I flake on her birthdays (she tended to do big events that I just didn’t have the mental capacity to attend or they weren’t my thing or cost money I didn’t have). For the other months of the year I’m there constantly calling texting doing everything to see her and she doesn’t even bat an eye and posts on ig and I’m left on read for days. She told me that she stopped showing up for me because all I do is make excuses and make everything about me. Which is so hurtful cuz my ex JUST told me that & my ocd is spiking again because I’m feeling so horrible even tho she also won’t see where she’s wrong. And I took accountability and I didn’t even get the chance to make it up to go to the dinner that I still committed to? I just feel awful & I sent a text explaining myself and now thinking I made it about me and I’m making excuses. We are close I love her but she’s just very inconsiderate about what I been going through as well, I am not in a good place & I am sorry there is apart of me that doesn’t necessarily click with the people she’s with but I still try to come around? Idk I just feel like I’m such a bad friend