Just needed to rant a bit :( I’m at my worse with ocd . Over 4 weeks ago (month) I had a really bad ocd spike while I was watching something that triggered it . That was last time I recall feeling genuinely ok aside all ocd struggle. Ever since then, it hasn’t been quite the same . I began to have bad anxiety the following days as I steered to ruminate a lot . But then it got little better although I still wasn’t fully intact wit myself /ocd was just lingering and left me feel differnt as if my entire self wasn’t present . I have been feeling vulnerable . As days went on I tried not thinking much of it and I began feeling better in terms with anxiety but yet I still could not feel the way I was before . I remained calm and patient ,...but, along way more triggers came that made it difficult to dismiss due to fact of how bad I was already feeling it put me at more risk . I feel like I’m losing every aspect of me :( I miss myself so much . Something about this episode just feels different . I’m currently in a very unstable situation ...with not being able to drive /having car it can make things difficult around here - not to mention I stress over fact I don’t have orivelage to drive as my siblings do . I’m stuck at the same shitty job . I put college on hold for sake of my mental health due to how bad ocd consumes me . I’m trying to prioriZe mental health in hopes of starting ERP. However , at the moment NOCD does not take my insurance so I keep waiting :( I’m so flustered with every obstacle I run into and unsolved problems I have goin on at once . It’s so hard to balance . Ocd is making me feel things I don’t wanna feel but it all goes back to that day I spiraled into this loopy episode . It’s been almost a month . I know it wouldn’t make much sense to wanna go back 😤😩🥺😖but I want to . I’m also not in very good terms with my mom rn . There’s not much I can do. All I do is work and come back home to a quiet room with the tv on till I fall asleep and it’s repeat , I’m falling apart and I’m deeply saddened 🥺I’m so lonely . I want my self back 😩

ivrec

Date posted: 3y

Glad that you needed to rant and did so. Sounds like you needed to share your feelings. Since you were in a good place before know it is possible again. I find myself getting inpatient with myself when I try so hard and don’t see too much progress. The best way I heard it explained it is like a journey. Be easy on yourself and it will happen.

Brian :)

Date posted: 3y

@ivrec Thank you for listening and most importantly responding !🙏your words make me feel better ! I def still can get back 🥺if I was there before . It’s just ocd .

ivrec

Date posted: 3y

👍🏻

amel

Date posted: 3y

I am relapsing now and it is very hard to see ans positive results after a month.

Brian :)

Date posted: 3y

@amel I’m so sorry . We will get thru this tho ! We got this ! 🙏I know how hard it can be 🥺but We’ve been here before and it only makes us stronger

amel

Date posted: 3y

Yee, I have had a lot of relapses in the past and I always went through them. It s a long Journey and we have to be patient !

Brian :)

Date posted: 3y

@amel Indeed ! And yea it totally sucks when we’re sucked back into a loop...and when it lingers for quite a bit . It can be so frustrating to remain patient . But we got this

amel

Date posted: 3y

Yes! Even a month ago, I was feeling great. I posted videos of my holiday and I thought It would never come back again.

amel

Date posted: 3y

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