- Date posted
- 2y
False brain messaging to a benign threat
Hello all. I had a great therapy session today where we were talking about anxiety and fear and how the brain can link something benign with fear due to what happened in that moment. I am thinking whether this viewpoint may help others. I had often wondered whether the idea that the incident that I had where my major OCD started had affected me that way because it had shocked me, and from the discussion today I really think that may be the case. A few times in my teens, when I had already experienced mild OCD tendencies, I had had a boy at school spit at my skirt and another time hot chewed gum on my sweater. These had elicited the emotions anger and grossness, but not anxiety. They did not lead me to having contamination OCD. When I was 17, I went into the city with my mum, sister and my friend, and myself and the latter went off to run an errand for my Dad (pick up a book he had ordered). At some point I suddenly had who I think was a very dirty, scruffy, homeless man blow a raspberry in my ear. It have me a shock as well as me also feeling grossed out be ause I was sure my face and ear were covered in spittle. I also thought maybe my friend had some too. I went to where we were meeting my family for lunch and when I got there I went to the bathroom and washed my face. But it didn't stop there. I worried if there was any on my clothes which could have spread to the car on the way back. Did my friend also contaminate things with her clothes? I think she sat down in the house afterwards even though I had a shower and changed my clothes. From there it was a spiral and completely out of control as I traced every single possible cross-contamination, probably in the 10s of separation from the event. It eventually became a fear of more people, all elderly, homeless people etc. and pretty much everything due to the large number of degrees of separation from an initial 'dirty' person that worried me. Anyway, how it progressed is of no matter here, but the key is I had a shock and fear reaction when it happened. I really believe that thisnis why this particular event caused anxiety over grossness and taught my brain to connect the feeling of anxiety and fear with contamination of this type, rather than the 'normal' general feeling of grossness that is soon forgotten. My brain still has that connection many years later. It somehow makes a lot of sense to me and brings it home how to understand why other people don't have anxiety but rather just a passing gross reaction to situations. This has always been a stumbling block to my recovery. What is normal? How should I feel in certain situations? Why doesn't everyone feel anxiety over gross things? There IS a difference between feeling grossed out with anxiety and being grossed out without. Fear/Anxiety should be there only to protect us from real harm, not gross things! I just felt that understanding this fine line will help me, and maybe help othets too, even with different forms of OCD. If you are feeling anxiety from a truly non-threatening situation, however upsetting it is in itself, then the brain is sending false messages that it learned somewhere through a false connection of that situation to the feeling of danger. I hope that I am making sense. Now how to figure out anxiety from worry about other things like family's wellbeing. I have to think about that a bit more, because there must be a real connection and is likely due to our brains wanting to protect other humans, especially those closest to us, and the loss of, or pain of someone else is a genuine threat to our own wellbeing.