- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 2y
You can have peace, just keep going! Much of ERP is learning, through experience not from a book, that whatever we think and feel or remember is ok. What we DO now is what really matters. Treat yourself and that 7 year old like you would a best friend. Show her what you can do now, even while feeling like a "weirdo." I wish you well on your journey.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Sending you so much love & telling you you are NOT alone. I relate so much to this. I had a lot of trauma as a teenager and did lots of weird inappropriate things and was also all kinds of messed up in my early teenage years. This happens. It can be hard to distance then vs. now especially with OCD, but it’s important to know that it’s just your OCD that can’t see the distance. You can see it & you know you survived and escaped that time, just give that younger you a mental hug and tell them you love them. It’s so hard, but I fully believe we can forgive ourselves
- Date posted
- 2y
@rachelreynolds1 :( I’m sorry you had to go through that. I appreciate your words so much
- Date posted
- 2y
You did the best you could all those years ago…
- Date posted
- 2y
You were self raised. It's not for a child to determine what's white/ black/ grey to society. You take ques from family who you know and trust to help shape you. Unfortunately we make mistakes as children. My family's version was allowing the mistake to make a teachable moment. Now I make mistakes openly kinda sucks. That being said I will hopefully one day look before crossing the road so to speak. Your a good egg. Hang in there.
- Date posted
- 2y
I relate to this so much. You’re not alone. Just remember there’s an age of accountability. You didn’t know then what you know now.
- Date posted
- 2y
I appreciate all your kind words so much more than you know. It’s difficult because 4 months ago I lost complete control & believed the worst thoughts that I actually wanted to do those things now and acted on a very intense thought that wouldn’t go away (on myself not on anyone) and I just gave in completely and it didn’t even make me feel better, it made me feel so much worse and it didn’t go away for so long. I hope that I never reach that point again. It was scary and hurt and made me feel awful. Thank you all again.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
i need some kind words or maybe some advice? basically i went through trauma as a kid including sexual, and acted out in disturbing ways. I’ve done things i regret. even as an early teenager i did also. the only weird things ive done recently were compulsions and weird ocd driven stuff… but besides that ive found it easy to forgive myself for a lot of stuff because i know myself and my intentions and also talking to people helps. but one thing that’s hard is when im intimate with others or in a relationship. i feel so gross and undeserving like if they knew everything ive done in my life they would hate me. I don’t tell everyone everything, i think i only did that with therapists and like one family member. I feel like if I don’t tell someone everything I’ve done that I regret and see if they forgive me for it, then that means im “hiding” something about me and being malicious. anything helps :(
- Date posted
- 5w
I’m really struggling with real event ocd at the moment because I feel like no one else has done what I did so I’m the exception. I spoke about this already here but I’ve literally been crying every day I feel so hopeless at the moment I wish I could just go back to the years I spent doing this thing and stop myself because my life could have been so much different now. I hate myself so much because I cannot forgive myself. What I did isn’t morally bad it just does not align with my current identity so I really struggle with accepting myself because of my past mistakes. I wish so badly that I had a friend who went through the same thing because I feel so alone
- Date posted
- 28d
As a teenager and in other ways up until age 21, I was just an absolutely horrible person. It wasn't just a one time event that I regret, it was a lifestyle. I was a hedonist and a narcissist to an unbelievable degree and didn't even realize it. I read people's stories on here related to their real events and I just feel that I've done so much worse so it fuels this feeling that I'm unredeemable. And again it's not like I just made "one mistake." I was living under such a cloud of self-delusion and non-confrontation that I couldn't even embrace that what I was doing was wrong. Something pulled me out of that one night and I was forced to confront my actions (I believe it was God) but I've been living in this hell that is obsession ever since. I'm so guilty and ashamed and I'm desperate to find redemption. I can't forgive myself and I can't understand why I was the way I was or how on earth I even covered up what I was doing from others and even from myself mentally. I would just put a veil in my mind and not even think it was an issue. It's more likely than not that I am what I fear I am, so I guess trying to unconditionally accept the possibility of being what I fear is the only real way through this. Realistically I deserve all the suffering I'm receiving but I realize I can't have that mindset if I'm to have any hope of recovery. This is unbelievably isolating and I can't talk to anyone because of the risks involved. All I can do is try to limit compulsions, try to (somehow) accept the possibility of the worst case scenario and do my best to serve others.
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