I was a very very damaged child and I did a lot of weird inappropriate things and I was all kinds of messed up. Uneducated, and lazy and all these things my family and friends and teachers told me. I was a troubled kid. And idk why. I really don’t. My parents did suck with the whole emotional support and I really needed a lot of it I guess. So I kept looking other places for that support. Eventually I got it from myself NOW. But still I feel so embarrassed and sad for that young me. Anyway, I feel like despite all the fucked up shit I did as a kid, I grew into such an amazing person. I’ve had my flaws and made mistakes 100% but I’ve loved and cared for others so genuinely. I think I’m a good person I really do, I make bad choices at times but I am human. But all in all, I’m GOOD. And it’s been proven so much from ppl who tell me and who hurt me and come back apologizing. I don’t mind admitting I was wrong etc. but I can’t help but feel like I’m this creep weirdo kid still? Why can’t I have peace with that 7 year old isn’t me anymore and she also just needed love. I can not forgive myself honestly & my ocd makes it 100000x worse cuz it involved real events.

You can have peace, just keep going! Much of ERP is learning, through experience not from a book, that whatever we think and feel or remember is ok. What we DO now is what really matters. Treat yourself and that 7 year old like you would a best friend. Show her what you can do now, even while feeling like a "weirdo." I wish you well on your journey.

Sending you so much love & telling you you are NOT alone. I relate so much to this. I had a lot of trauma as a teenager and did lots of weird inappropriate things and was also all kinds of messed up in my early teenage years. This happens. It can be hard to distance then vs. now especially with OCD, but it’s important to know that it’s just your OCD that can’t see the distance. You can see it & you know you survived and escaped that time, just give that younger you a mental hug and tell them you love them. It’s so hard, but I fully believe we can forgive ourselves

You did the best you could all those years ago…

You were self raised. It's not for a child to determine what's white/ black/ grey to society. You take ques from family who you know and trust to help shape you. Unfortunately we make mistakes as children. My family's version was allowing the mistake to make a teachable moment. Now I make mistakes openly kinda sucks. That being said I will hopefully one day look before crossing the road so to speak. Your a good egg. Hang in there.

I relate to this so much. You’re not alone. Just remember there’s an age of accountability. You didn’t know then what you know now.

I appreciate all your kind words so much more than you know. It’s difficult because 4 months ago I lost complete control & believed the worst thoughts that I actually wanted to do those things now and acted on a very intense thought that wouldn’t go away (on myself not on anyone) and I just gave in completely and it didn’t even make me feel better, it made me feel so much worse and it didn’t go away for so long. I hope that I never reach that point again. It was scary and hurt and made me feel awful. Thank you all again.