- Date posted
- 2y
Suicide
Has anyone gotten to the point where they have tried to commit suicide because of OCD? It can be so dark sometimes.
Has anyone gotten to the point where they have tried to commit suicide because of OCD? It can be so dark sometimes.
It crossed my mind at the very beginning of my OCD journey. I didn't know what to do until I was diagnosed. It sounded like the only way to stop the thoughts from coming. But i didn't do it. Don't give up on yourself. The road to the light may be long and tiring, but you are stronger than you think. You can overcome OCD. I believe in you. Whenever you feel darkness, think of this: every light comes with its darkness first.
It wasn’t just my OCD; it was all 5 of my mental illnesses, including childhood trauma. Honestly, the child abuse wanted was the worst and that was the reason, though My POCD definitely didn’t help. But my fiancé saved me, actually. He stayed on the phone with me for 3 days during the night (he was in another state at this time) because I was too scared to sleep, so we talked for 6 hours and he got me through a long holiday weekend—until I could get in to see a professional.
i’ve been there and i’m here for you
Everyday, if i was able to i wouldve attempted it already.
I’ve definitely thought about it even years before my OCD started, and to this day it’s a continuous battle. Although, I would say it’s getting better. So I want you to know that it’s totally possible to live a fulfilling life regardless of your OCD and anxiety. You don’t have to listen to these thoughts, do whatever you want and live your life how you want to. It’s easier said than done but you can certainly get there with time.
I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
WHY is it so bad?? who was gonna tell me 16 was just DREAD, my ocd has flared up worse than ever and i can’t go to therapy weekly anymore. im getting worse and i can’t do it. I just want to give up.
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