The other day I had heard of a family member being SA’ and now I got these memories I think the memories I don’t know that I did something to a child and I was sick to my absolute stomach I am freaking the F out I haven’t been able to calm down for a long time how would I know if these are memories are just thoughts When it’s so vivid
Hey ! I'm so sorry you are suffering from this :( False Memories freaking sucks, they can feel so real and scare you or not even feel real which scares you as well thinking it could be real since theres no emotions towards since OCD makes you feel so many things and makes you believe in everything. False memories are basically intrusive thoughts that scare you and cause you doubt. For me, because I have no clear memory of me doing something or not, the intrusive thought that comes into my mind fits the scenario PERFECTLY cause its something that could have happened, something so easy to do, and something that seems like "I'd do it" in a sense. Like a feeling of "Yes I've done it" not even questioning its just a statement that yes I've done it and it really feels like I did and would ! These scare us even more because there is no way for us to get reassuance. Its something from the past (and with our false memories it deals with children and because children don't know anything or unaware, these memories feel even worse cause its like even you won't know and they won't know because they don't know whats happening so you can't ask them because they really won't know either. The false memories created a scenario so easy to act out, so secretive, it creates the most hidden thing that will never give us reassurance (I am giving you reassurance now but I hope you are able to move on) so with that false memories it tears us apart. And you may be like "but I did it" cause of the feeling and honestlt to hell with that feeling. I also get a feeling that I shouldn't "lie" and I feel like I'm lying but eh whatever. I hppe you are doing ok 🫂💕
@InkJoy123 Thank you so much for answering thank you so so so so much for your response can it also give you like details and not just be like one thought it’s like a whole storyline??
@TTtruth Oh 100% it gives you like a play by play of how the event went basically. Mine immediately tells me I've done it. Theres no wandering in my mind or continously thinking like others. Lets say I'm hanging with my friend. Because of my intrusive thoughts / ocd my mind basically tells me "you've done something to them without them knowing" (all my memories are of like this, doing something without the others knowing) now I don't know if I've done anything or not when that false memory/idea gets created because of how reckless I was before. It seems like a possibility and the scenario fits. My mind and me can only say "yes I've done it." I can get just a standstill image of a setting I have actually been in. Like at work, its told me I've done something to a child. Can I tell you no ? No I can't, there is no way for me to get clarification if I've done anything or not and even if I tell someone and they say "i doubt it" I will go "well do you really know the real me ? because only I know the real me" which sucks but yeah. OCD gets you alot and it sucks. But false memories can feel so real like they have happened and those events are playing like a movie.
I want you to know that this is super common in OCD. The more you try to review things, the less clear you actually are. Rumination or reviewing past events is associated with more uncertainty, more doubt, more depression, more anxiety, and less confidence in your memory. It feels so counterintuitive - I know - but this is why you continue to have a hard time feeling less and less sure of things. Try as hard as you can not to answer the questions as it relates to what you did or didn't do - let it be there as hard as that sounds - and try to continue on with your day as much as you can. You've got this!
How do you know the difference :( I genuinely cannot keep living in this torment. it all started with an ‘intrusive thought’ where I had like a hazy flash of something reading an article. and I remember thinking ‘what if’ and ‘what is this’ and then that intrusive thought turned into me ‘remembering’ something else. which caused me panic. then I started trying to find evidence because it contradicted what I remembered this entire time. this was last year in like september. fast forward to march this year, it came back up- but this time stronger and with more ‘details’ and what nots. and I’ve been ruminating on it since then trying to remember and connect and It’s like I’ve added all of these details. but are they real? or is this just my OCD? I just feel like if it were real I would have never been able to keep it to myself. but also what if it was so traumatic that I blocked it out? because it all makes NO sense for me to do something like that. but it also fits what I was thinking at the time. idk
Worried about situation that happened with nephew new memory or not idk I'm scared Worried about situation that happened with nephew I'm so scared when I was holding my nephew I thought " I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him" ( not the exact words don't want to be extremely graphic) I began to bump him like how people bump babies on their hips he was on my stomach cuz that's how he was handed to me. Now I fear I remember also thinking if his diaper would stimulate his private part or something like that IDK LIKE I FEEL LIKE I REMEMBER THINKING THAT BUT ALSO DON'T??? LIKE O FEEL LIKE maybe I thought this at a different time for whatever weird reason but then I'm scared that it makes sense it would happen when I held him. Does it change the situation?????I feel extremely sick because I don't know why I would think that or if it was my brain or me. Idk if it was or wasn't cuz I felt his diaper against me? Was I curious if it would? It feels like I was curious but wth why???Was it just something weird I thought? Am I actually a monster? I had been having disturbing thoughts I'm pretty sure that were related to my POCD in general for a while before that. Ik my nephew didn't get hurt but I'm so scared why would I do something like that I feel so sick and disgusted. I know away from that situation I have no sexual interest or attraction towards him I'm just so freaked out and disgusted. I don't wanna be a bad person and I don't want my worst fear to be true.
i just thought about something that happened between me,my sister, and brother when we were younger and im pretty sure it was COCSA and im getting scared thinking about it. I’m the oldest and the biggest age gap is three years so we’re all fairly close in age and this happened when i was around maybe 8 and im not going to discuss too many details here because im scared but im just thinking about so many things from my childhood that could be signs i couldve been SA’d and its making me think what if i was and i dont remember and thats why that situation happened and the other ones im thinking about ? cause there are a couple situations im thinking about but i dont even know if theyre real. the only one i know is real is the one where i think i was apart of COCSA because i distinctly remember my siblings and i joking about it some time after it happened a few times. im scared of what my siblings might think of me if they remember it now after its been so long. like do they think im disgusting? i dont even remember how the event had started or if i was the one who made the suggestion but i just remember laughing when it was being done. honestly idek if it could be considered COCSA and im scared to talk to anyone about it in too much detail. this is really scary posting this i feel like im in trouble or something but idk i just need to vent. last post for now i just keep thinking too much today.
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