Username: Enya

Date posted: 2y ago

Brake up

I know, that this is not the place for it, but on Saturday I ended my relationship, because my partner constantly put me on the back burner, no matter what, other things had always been more important to him and, when I complained about it, he stopped talking to me for a day and last time, he turned very emotionally cold and distant and didn't snap out of it again (that was only last week, but still.) I seem to always end up with guys, even though they look different and seem very different in general, the always declare how much they love me, but then turn to treat me like shit. I suffer from OCD, depression and anxiety and additionally to that I have no friends (no one I can call now, where I could pour my heart out)... and no partner anymore, not that he had been much of a partner anyway... It seems, the deeper I get, the more of me hits the ground, the more kicks life takes at me. Does pain attract pain? Do the people who suffer most magnetically pull more pain towards them? I have no idea what to do... I started ERP therapy last week and the little number of people I had is getting even smaller and smaller... I'm not suicidal, I'm just so utterly lost.

Username: oelkzmoelkzm

Date posted: 2y ago

I feel the same way. Since I started to feel depressed and my ocd began my friends started to complain about my brhaviour. They always talk about me the way I was before and how I should just get out of my head and do the stuff I used to like. But although they want to help, they don’t understand how difficult it can be sometimes to just get through one day. Last two weeks I have been filing better, and I thought that I can beat that shit, but then something happened again. Friends again complaind about something that I have done, even though I never wanted to harm them or anything like it. It just sometimes feels, like everytime I get better, something comes and brings me down again.

Username: LocnaLocna

Date posted: 2y ago

They are attempting to "fix" you. Remember that this is a common toxic trait. People who lack perception will attempt to hammer away without knowing what's on the other side. We of course are on the other side and we are saying no 🛑 stop. That gets bulldozed through because,,,, yes another toxic train has appeared. Unwillingness to see another's emotions and to hear another's emotions. Why is that? Empathy is scary because it forces us to bring ourselves to a point where we felt so bad. If people do this enough times it takes their energy. That's why it's best to focus on the emotion and reply with I hear your feeling drained. I understand.

Username: LocnaLocna

Date posted: 2y ago

@Absolutely https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

Username: EnyaEnya

Date posted: 2y ago

@oelkzm Yes, OCD is very persistent. I got cut out and even ghosted by friends, I can relate how hard it is to keep up with their expectations...

Username: LocnaLocna

Date posted: 2y ago

Enya I'm sorry your going through this. I'm not writing this to "fix" your past relationship. Rather, I am writing this for your future relationship. As people with OCD we often listen to our thoughts so intensely that we miss the mark with partners. When I'm with my partner sometimes he gets upset with me because everything in my head is so loud that I can not focus on him. That being said, I am working on a new way. I read this article by Kyle Benson that works with perception. It talks about looking for your partner's emotions in conversations. Last night I missed the mark, as my partner wanted to cuddle and I was hot and didn't notice and instead faced the fan and went on my phone. He grew frustrated during this time and I was holed up in my head just on my phone. I did not notice until he told me. So I begin with saying, we were going to sleep so I got comfortable and decided to use my phone. It wasn't until I held him that I realized how often I give excuses vs observing his emotions and relaying that I see and hear him. I feel badly about this and will do better moving forward. That being said, I observed it within myself and that is something we must all do when meeting others. It's hard because people trick other people with false realities. Can they help it? I don't know tbh most people want to put their best foot forward. Be damned with whether that foot is an actuality. Trying to find the root of a person is intrusive so instead, as always, we must be patient and listen to who they are or want to be and support that being. We can never "fix" someone but as you stated we can support them. Our partner future or present. Your not alone in this. 🫂

Username: EnyaEnya

Date posted: 2y ago

@Absolutely Thanks, even though I suffer from OCD, I'm very empathetic and had been tuned in to my partner. I put my issues on the back burner for him nearly constantly. I talked to him for three hours until his anxiety attack had been over. It was the other way round, he had issues tuning in with me... Well, we just talked and agreed to try being friends... We don't want to lose each other...

Username: LocnaLocna

Date posted: 2y ago

The article is about perception. https://www.kylebenson.net/are-love-laws-throwing-you-in-relationship-jail/

Username: EnyaEnya

Date posted: 2y ago

@Absolutely Thanks a lot...

Username: LocnaLocna

Date posted: 2y ago

@Enya Yes I understand. Your partner seemed to be distant with his own trials. It's easy to learn bad habits in a failed relationship. Hang in there!

Username: AlexandriaRamosAlexandriaRamos

Date posted: 2y ago

Just wanted to say I feel the same way. I accidentally fell in love with a friend I met about a year ago. I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I felt three weeks ago and he let me know we couldn’t be together. Very valid unavoidable reason, and he was very sweet about it and said he still wants to be friends, but it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m almost 30 and had never been in love before. I haven’t been in touch with any of my old friends in over ten years so I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. My ocd has horrendously affected every aspect of my life and he somehow made me feel better about everything. So now I feel lost again. My life feels very empty again. He’s the closest person I’ve had to a friend in a long time and now I don’t even know how to talk to him anymore. I’m sorry I don’t have anything helpful to say, but just coming from someone who has been crying for three weeks straight, you’re definitely not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken. I have OCD,depression, and anxiety too and it is like a nightmare you can’t wake up from. I wish I could take away some of your pain on my good days. No one deserves to feel like this. Please keep looking for the light in darkness and I’ll keep looking too. Please keep holding on for better days and I’ll keep holding on too ❤️❤️❤️

Username: EnyaEnya

Date posted: 2y ago

@AlexandriaRamos Your comment has helped me massively, thank you so much... I barely connect with anyone outside of here, but I have a good gut feeling we could support each other, so if you feel like talking outside of this app, please let me know...

Username: tgrace22tgrace22

Date posted: 2y ago

It seems like you stood up for yourself by removing yourself from a relationship where you weren’t being tended to. I know it’s hard to recover from a breakup but just want to acknowledge that it took a lot of courage to do that.

Username: EnyaEnya

Date posted: 2y ago

We still are in touch and I jump to nearly every time slot he offers, I know, I shouldn't. I know he is not treating me with the care and respect I deserve, anyone deserves... but the loneliness is killing, I only have him as a daily contact, apart from work... 😔

Username: LocnaLocna

Date posted: 2y ago

It will take time. Perhaps defining a new interest can help you fall in love with your ability to create our reach a personal goal.

Username: EnyaEnya

Date posted: 2y ago

@Jemma2 Thanks for the advice... But I'm severely depressed and don't find any joy in anything at the moment...

Username: Kat9311

Date posted: 4y ago

Hey, I just got here! And this is crazy, but you know all my problems, so talk to me maybe? ? I’m always worried my partner loves me too much or that I love him too much. I don’t want anyone being hurt in the long run by how unequal we’ve been. When it’s him, I want to break off the relationship now before I make it worse. When it’s me, I want to break it off now because I must be so pathetic. I have such a bad fear of my partner cheating that I’ve started telling myself that I already know he is — just so I won’t compulsively watch him text, check his phone while he showers, stalk his social media, question all his friendships, etc. I’m so shocked to be finding out this is something a whole group of people experiences! It used to make feel physically ill; I was so anxious I couldn’t sleep or eat for days at a time. The *only* possible relief for me was breaking off my relationship and also all contact. Once the thought has entered my brain, there’s no backing down from it. I have to end it, or else that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach stays forever. I guess that’s a form of compulsion? Maybe? It first happened when I was 16 and had my first boyfriend. I didn’t love him, but he was in love with me. I felt guilty, and he became annoying. One morning, I woke up to the instant and insistent thought that I must break up with him. All day, I was physically nauseated thinking about my boyfriend. That afternoon, I did it, and I honestly cried tears of relief - not from the end of the relationship but in response to not feeling that way any longer! So it began...

Relationship OCD

Username: Isabella G.

Date posted: 1y ago

My OCD story and my plea for help….

So, this long story will have to be cut down a bit but here’s my story and my plea for some guidance… My childhood was not that great. Although I am grateful to have had a better childhood than others who are way less fortunate. My dad was an alcoholic and suicidal, my mom was toxic and vengeful. This lasted up until I would say my 10th birthday. I was also molested by a family member that to this day no one believes that it happened and would rather me keep this info to myself. I searched for attention from the wrong people. Being bullied, I decided it’s best to be the bullier. So, I started getting in trouble at school, home, with the cops. Everything. Me and my mom started to develop a resentful relationship. I met people online who were older than my age at the time, who had zero business talking to me. They manipulated me and made me feel horrible. I got caught and went ten months without a phone. This time was peaceful. I then went into my sophomore year of high school and entered a relationship I was not comfortable in. At this point, I was healing from previous trauma and was not looking for a relationship to be in. But, I did it anyway because I was afraid to be alone. This relationship was the worst relationship….and I mean the WORST relationship I was in. It was narcissistic and abusive. It broke off abruptly with no closure, no explanation, and leaving me empty and suicidal. I dated during this time and made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship yet. I decided to take a break from dating because although I do not have feelings for my ex, I was now experiencing anxiety and PTSD from what happened. I fell into a deep depression that I did not know when I will be getting out of. I met my boyfriend while continuing to heal about a month after. It was an instant connection and of course I questioned it but I didn’t think much of it. I caught feelings for him pretty quickly which is something that is rare for me. We had insanely similar personalities. It has been the best relationship I have been in. I could even go as far as to say this will be my future husband. We are also long distance and will be closing that distance soon. Something inside me though… keeps bringing up my ex. Small thoughts, small feelings, and knowing I don’t love him. Now, I sit here. I am questioning my love for my partner, asking myself what is so special about my ex that he occupies my mind but weirdly not my heart… It hurts. I just want these thoughts to stop. I have become suicidal before, I am scared to become this again. Why do I feel like I love him when I never loved him while we were together? I know my brain is tricking me, because I know I love my partner. But I am scared I still care for someone who abused me. I am scared I now love two people at the same time. I am scared that the one that I am with isn’t the one for me and this happiness means I am faking it. Is it all an illusion? Why can’t he just go away?

Username: SophiaCalypso

Date posted: 1y ago

Saddness

I feel like OCD ruins so much. My boyfriend broke up with me because of it. It got to a point where I made him do compulsions (ex: open and close the door a certain amount of times). I have OCD in combination with PTSD so I would get triggers often. He got to a point where he got up and left me while I was at work and cut contact completely. I don’t know how to feel and I feel like a failure. It’s been two months and my OCD has been nonstop telling me I was an abuser or narcissistic and that’s why he left. Everyone tells me I’m a broken record… but they don’t know that this is torture for me, too. I wish I could start over with my ex, but I can’t, and that bothers my OCD, too. Lack of control. I also seem to have memory issues in that relationship, I can’t remember what happened or not, and I’m not sure if that’s part of my OCD.

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